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I'm in a LDR and I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me. She says she's sorry and regrets what she did. I still loves her but can't forgive her :(

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I'm quoting from a post in the infidelity section.

 

If somebody cheats on you, they have broken up with you. They just didn't tell you.

 

I'm sorry for you. ldrs are hard. I don't think one person cheating is a very promising sign for the future. But I admit, from your post, I can't say much. I'd need more background on your relationship.

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I'm in a LDR and I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me. She says she's sorry and regrets what she did. I still loves her but can't forgive her :(

1. Is she someone you've ever met or a virtual girlfriend?

2. When did she start being your girlfriend?

3. How old are you both?

4. How did she cheat on you? And with whom?

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We've been together for almost 3 years. We been seeing and staying together on and off. Sometimes I'l go to country-sometimes she came to me.

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She cheated on me with another girl she just met. She started to stay over at that girl's house (who was living with her girlfriend) All 3 became best buddies. She started an affair with her and it lasted for 2 months.

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I found out because of an sms on her phone when she came to visit me. I confronted her and admitted that she cheated on me, but that it's over because she came to me.

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I still loves her- but now that she's back in her country, I don't trust her. We fight and talk about what happened all the time!

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You don't trust her and you don't have the necessary resources within yourself to forgive her. It can just be over.

 

(What's the best way to forgive anyone? Just by being aware that no one's perfect, we all make mistakes and will need to be forgiven. One day it will happen, that you'll do something bad and will hope for someone to forgive you. Compassion and love. Faith helps too.)

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I want to understand why she lied to me. Why does she like to flirt with other people while she swears she loves me? Why did she stay for 2 months with that girl and never felt it was wrong? Why didn't she break up with me if she was more happy with her?

What was her plans coming to me and pretending nothing happened? She was still in touch with her behind my back when she was here. I would never have known anything until I saw the sms.

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She says she doesn't know why she did all that. She says she's sorry and wants to move on and not stir the past.

She says she regrets and wish it didn't happen.

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It would be much easier if we could be in one place to sort this out. I hate to have to wait for another month before we can be together.

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She's the only person able to answer your questions. But in case you're not getting them...

Why does she like to flirt with other people while she swears she loves me?
It's her personality. She likes attention.

Why did she stay for 2 months with that girl and never felt it was wrong?
She probably knew it was "wrong". But what is right and what is wrong? Did you sign any deal? Or was it between the lines that she could only have sex with you? Or is your (life) background telling you so? And does your background tell you that a homosexual relationship is right?

Why didn't she break up with me if she was more happy with her?
She didn't because it was just sex or company fulfilling her needs when you were not around maybe.

What was her plans coming to me and pretending nothing happened?
Because if you hadn't found out, you would have never known, and you wouldn't be wondering this and that. You'd be happy now.

She was still in touch with her behind my back when she was here.
Your rival must be as interesting as you are and she wants to have a relationship with both. She probably isn't monogamous by nature. If you're not willing to share her, leave her. She told you she's going to stop with the other one, but you don't trust her and you can't be sure that she actually will do so.
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lisebye, are you male or female? I could have missed it but it isn't clear from your posts.

 

I ask because, if you are male, and your girlfriend started a relationship with another girl, that could explain her behaviour ie she is bisexual or bicurious and wanted to experience something that she can't experience with you.

 

If you are female then it sounds like a simple case of her being unfaithful - possibly because she isn't the sort of person who can tolerate LDRs and the physical separation involved.

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because she isn't the sort of person who can tolerate LDRs and the physical separation involved.

 

You may be right, but we don't have the choice

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