Christmas

[justwhoiam]

This is a question for those who have their gf or bf far away at Christmas: have you planned anything for that day? Will you talk? Will you have a moment to yourself with him/her? Are you sending anything over for Christmas?

[LittleTiger]

We were supposed to be together for Christmas and New Year but I have been too ill to travel so now we will be apart.

 

We will definitely talk on skype as usual every day over the holiday period and yes it will be private time.

 

I'm not sending anything over and neither is he. I've got something small for him that I will take over when I go in February and he will be treating me to a very nice holiday while I'm over there.

[justwhoiam]

I have been too ill to travel

I'm sorry to hear this... sounds serious. What's wrong?

[LittleTiger]

I'm sorry to hear this... sounds serious. What's wrong?

 

It's a little personal to talk about on an open forum but thank you for your concern. My focus for now is getting well enough to travel by February. I've had to delay my trip twice already so third time lucky I hope!

[HeavenOrHell]

We're both atheists so neither of celebrate it, but he said he wanted to send me a present which is sweet of him, even though he knows I'm not doing presents for anyone or wanting any back. I just buy things for him at other time when I see something he might like, or for his birthday.

 

We can't afford to meet at xmas which I was pretty gutted about, but we saw each other early this month and going to meet in Jan hopefully.

 

He'll be away with family for 2 days, so I guess he'll call me from there, but we won't be able to skype.

 

Not looking forward to it without him, especially as he as a week + the 2 weekends off, it would have been amazing to spend that time together, feels like a lost opportunity, so thanks to the airlines for charging about 4 times as much as usual Last year without him was horrible/boring the year before we had together which was lovely.

 

I'll be seeing friends instead, and spending the rest alone or working.

 

This is a question for those who have their gf or bf far away at Christmas: have you planned anything for that day? Will you talk? Will you have a moment to yourself with him/her? Are you sending anything over for Christmas?

[HeavenOrHell]

How about you?

Anything planned?

 

 

 

This is a question for those who have their gf or bf far away at Christmas: have you planned anything for that day? Will you talk? Will you have a moment to yourself with him/her? Are you sending anything over for Christmas?

[Carenth]

For the same reasons as HoH we will not be spending Christmas together, flight prices were just too expensive even months in advance. That's why I spent a good deal of last month visiting her.

However neither of our families really celebrate Christmas other than it being an excuse for us to be with our families. I'm sending her a present even though she didn't ask for one, because I feel like it.

 

She is sending a combined present for Christmas + birthday for me since my birthday is shortly after Christmas.

 

We will probably just message each other as via phone as we will both be with our families during Christmas.

[justwhoiam]

We're both atheists so neither of celebrate it

Funny given your nickname on here... Anyway, if you are atheist, it's just an ordinary day and it makes sense you're not planning anything special.

 

How about you?

Anything planned?

Not really, except that we will talk. I also asked hoping to get some inspiration... Lately, I feel I'm doing things last moment.

[HeavenOrHell]

No inspiration really, sorry, unless you were able to eat together on skype or watch a movie at the same time, something like that, open your presents on skype.

My name was more of name I chose after a very long term break up, where it felt like hell for several months then I go to the point where I thought I could either choose to stay in a very dark place or move on and build my life back up again.

 

 

Funny given your nickname on here... Anyway, if you are atheist, it's just an ordinary day and it makes sense you're not planning anything special.

 

Not really, except that we will talk. I also asked hoping to get some inspiration... Lately, I feel I'm doing things last moment.

[justwhoiam]

No inspiration really, sorry, unless you were able to eat together on skype

Not feasible, as we have a time difference...

 

or watch a movie at the same time

It'd be nice if it were just the two of us... anyway, he's just complained about being invited over and the hosts were watching tv... though I guess just the two of us would have a completely different mood.

[HeavenOrHell]

It does suck not being with your partner xmas/new year

Seems to be a few of us in the same boat.

When will you next see him?

 

 

Not feasible, as we have a time difference...

 

It'd be nice if it were just the two of us... anyway, he's just complained about being invited over and the hosts were watching tv... though I guess just the two of us would have a completely different mood.

[justwhoiam]

I've just seen him last month. He might visit next spring. Not sure.

[salparadise]

I have no idea what to expect as we're going through a time (thread: Beautiful for a year). I hope we will talk as we both have our kids in the morning and take them to the other parent at midday. I know she plans to go to a gathering at friend's house in the evening. As for gifts, I sent her two. One she knows about because she was about to go out and buy it and I had to tell her. The other is something she wants/needs that will be a surprise. The question is, will she do anything for me? I assume she will, but if not it's going to sting. I am starting to wonder if my needs and feelings are even part of this equation.

[poisondivide]

my LDR turned into us living together, but for our first christmas dating while we were still far away, i wrote him a song and sent it to him on a CD with a video game and a scarf i made. ; u ;

 

i know it can be hard to wait and not be with the one you love, but you guys are really strong for being so serious when so many others can't. i hope you all at least get to talk to your love on christmas, if not more :c

 

happy holidays!! <3

[LittleDragon456]

My long distance boyfriend and I will talk, but we agreed not to do presents.

[HeavenOrHell]

Never assume someone will buy you a present, it's not something we should expect, that's quite presumptive!

I thought/assumed my partner wasn't getting me anything as I said let's not, but he still is, which is sweet.

I hope you can sort things out with your partner, good luck.

 

 

 

I have no idea what to expect as we're going through a time (thread: Beautiful for a year). I hope we will talk as we both have our kids in the morning and take them to the other parent at midday. I know she plans to go to a gathering at friend's house in the evening. As for gifts, I sent her two. One she knows about because she was about to go out and buy it and I had to tell her. The other is something she wants/needs that will be a surprise. The question is, will she do anything for me? I assume she will, but if not it's going to sting. I am starting to wonder if my needs and feelings are even part of this equation.

[salparadise]

Never assume someone will buy you a present, it's not something we should expect, that's quite presumptive!

I thought/assumed my partner wasn't getting me anything as I said let's not, but he still is, which is sweet.

I hope you can sort things out with your partner, good luck.

 

Oh come on HH, let's just be real. I've read all the pseudo self-help, never assume anything philosophical mumbo jumbo. The fact is that practicing Christians have a longstanding tradition of gift giving at Christmas. We did gifts last year so there's precedent, and she already knows I've sent gifts. I don't assume it would be anything elaborate or expensive, but I do assume it will be thoughtful. Nobody that I know would take getting stiffed at Christmas lightly.

 

Thanks for the good wishes.

[HeavenOrHell]

Xmas isn't about receiving gifts surely!

Fair enough you assume or expect to have gifts and you'd be stung if you didn't, maybe you're placing too much importance on it.

I usually give presents (birthday, or whenever I see something I think someone would like) as I want to show someone I care about them, and not because it's expected of me, it has more meaning that way, rather than giving for the sake of it, not my thing, sorry.

 

 

Oh come on HH, let's just be real. I've read all the pseudo self-help, never assume anything philosophical mumbo jumbo. The fact is that practicing Christians have a longstanding tradition of gift giving at Christmas. We did gifts last year so there's precedent, and she already knows I've sent gifts. I don't assume it would be anything elaborate or expensive, but I do assume it will be thoughtful. Nobody that I know would take getting stiffed at Christmas lightly.

 

Thanks for the good wishes.

[LittleTiger]

Oh come on HH, let's just be real. I've read all the pseudo self-help, never assume anything philosophical mumbo jumbo. The fact is that practicing Christians have a longstanding tradition of gift giving at Christmas. We did gifts last year so there's precedent, and she already knows I've sent gifts. I don't assume it would be anything elaborate or expensive, but I do assume it will be thoughtful. Nobody that I know would take getting stiffed at Christmas lightly.

 

If receiving gifts is so important to you, then it is. We are all different.

 

Just because something is traditional doesn't make it a foregone conclusion.

 

I'm not much of a gift giver myself so not receiving gifts doesn't bother me. I value time with my partner above everything else - that's a gift to me of himself and that's what makes me happy. Having fun together is worth so much more than anything material - to me

 

If you are in the habit of exchanging gifts though and she doesn't send you anything, that probably is a bad sign as far as your relationship goes.

[justwhoiam]

Xmas isn't about receiving gifts surely!

Christmas is surely about giving. Whatever that means. It doesn't have to be something material, but surely about giving.

 

I usually give presents (birthday, or whenever I see something I think someone would like) as I want to show someone I care about them, and not because it's expected of me, it has more meaning that way, rather than giving for the sake of it, not my thing, sorry.

I see a contradiction in your way of reasoning here. Christmas means nothing to you and you feel the gift giving as a sort of imposition, but you give presents for birthdays? Where does this come from? Is it a tradition to give presents on someone's birthday? Yes, it is. "I want to show someone I care about them, and not because it's expected of me." You assumed that on Christmas people give presents because it's expected of them and not because you want to show someone you care about them. Probably for some people that might be true, as it must be true for many people going to birthday parties or being involved in a relationship and feeling compelled to give a present. But for many others it is not so, luckily. You are the proof this is the case for birthday presents, and in this thread we have other living proofs as regards Christmas presents.

[HeavenOrHell]

None of my friends expect birthday presents, or presents any other time of the year. I don't give birthday presents because they're assuming I will, I give then because I want to, if it was expected of me then s*d that, that's not what present giving is about.

 

I said xmas (or birthdays in fact) shouldn't be about expecting/assuming they will receive gifts, I said nothing about people wanting to give presents if they want to, but it shouldn't be an obligation, or something you do because the person expects something.

 

I like to give presents at times, I don't expect or assume I will receive.

 

The poster I was replying to said he assumed he would get a gift and it would sting if he didn't, that is my point.

 

I don't give because I expect something back, I am pretty certain this poster would not have got gifts for their partner if he thought she had nothing for him.

 

I think unexpected gifts or surprises can be a lovely thing, I really value cards from friends, not necessarily, or just, birthday cards, but any time of the year, the words often mean more to me than presents do.

 

But materialism doesn't do much for me.

 

Xmas is so commercialised, the way kids, and many adults, expect expensive gifts (I don't mean the above poster) these days, I just find it greedy and disheartening.

 

If I celebrated xmas, or for my birthday, or any time in fact, the thing I'd like most is a cuddle from my partner.

 

 

 

Christmas is surely about giving. Whatever that means. It doesn't have to be something material, but surely about giving.

 

I see a contradiction in your way of reasoning here. Christmas means nothing to you and you feel the gift giving as a sort of imposition, but you give presents for birthdays? Where does this come from? Is it a tradition to give presents on someone's birthday? Yes, it is. "I want to show someone I care about them, and not because it's expected of me." You assumed that on Christmas people give presents because it's expected of them and not because you want to show someone you care about them. Probably for some people that might be true, as it must be true for many people going to birthday parties or being involved in a relationship and feeling compelled to give a present. But for many others it is not so, luckily. You are the proof this is the case for birthday presents, and in this thread we have other living proofs as regards Christmas presents.

Edited December 19, 2012 by HeavenOrHell

[justwhoiam]

None of my friends expect birthday presents, or presents any other time of the year.

This section of the forum is about LDRs, aka love relationships, not friends. So this is pretty irrelevant.

 

Anyway, this would require and deserve a very long and deep discussion, but we would go off-topic and my thread is about something else.

 

But just a quick comment to all that you said, because there are inconsistencies all over the place. Consumerism exists... and guess what? It's more stemming from modernity and atheism than from religion itself. Big segments of our society are shifting towards materialism (without any intent of judging or anything, whether good or bad, etc.) And even when culturally rooted to Christian values or any other religion, there are people hardly following any precepts though professing to be such and such.

 

So I understand your bitter views on how people live Christmas these days, but at the same time I say: don't just see the speck in their eyes, failing to see the beam of wood elsewhere...

 

About expecting things, or love, or presents or anything, I follow a very simple principle. And I will explain it by an example. If you show your love by giving someone a present on their birthday, and then you stop that, what could the receiver end possibly think? That your love is fading? That you grew lazy? That you hate the world and can't bother with anything? One thing for sure: you changed the way you show your affection and the other party can humanly and understandably be let down. We are not talking about money. As you said, even a simple card can mean the world to the receiver. So you can decide to hold back or just be careless. Materialism is as equally bad as dispassion and dryness.

[HeavenOrHell]

Totally disagree that atheism has anything to do with consumerism, (or materialism) at xmas, atheism means lack of belief in any god or religion, not sure how you find a link between the two!

 

I'm jaded towards xmas, not bitter, I'm just not interested in a religion which has culminated in people spending hundreds of pounds to show that they care, and then getting into debt over it, it's not my thing at all.

 

Your last paragraph proves my point; I don't think so much importance should be placed on whether we receive or give gifts, spending money on someone shouldn't be a measure of love.

 

I can't respond to all of your post as it doesn't all make sense. I often have trouble understanding your posts, not sure if this is a language difference or not, apologies if that's the case.

 

We'll have to agree to disagree that I'm inconsistent on my views about xmas.

 

I don't find it materialist to give a card to friend, even better are the hand made ones I've had from friends, I enjoy making them as well.

 

Bottom line for me though is xmas is far too commercialised, and expecting or assuming you'll get presents is presumptive and frankly self centred and spoilt.

 

This section of the forum is about LDRs, aka love relationships, not friends. So this is pretty irrelevant.

 

Anyway, this would require and deserve a very long and deep discussion, but we would go off-topic and my thread is about something else.

 

But just a quick comment to all that you said, because there are inconsistencies all over the place. Consumerism exists... and guess what? It's more stemming from modernity and atheism than from religion itself. Big segments of our society are shifting towards materialism (without any intent of judging or anything, whether good or bad, etc.) And even when culturally rooted to Christian values or any other religion, there are people hardly following any precepts though professing to be such and such.

 

So I understand your bitter views on how people live Christmas these days, but at the same time I say: don't just see the speck in their eyes, failing to see the beam of wood elsewhere...

 

About expecting things, or love, or presents or anything, I follow a very simple principle. And I will explain it by an example. If you show your love by giving someone a present on their birthday, and then you stop that, what could the receiver end possibly think? That your love is fading? That you grew lazy? That you hate the world and can't bother with anything? One thing for sure: you changed the way you show your affection and the other party can humanly and understandably be let down. We are not talking about money. As you said, even a simple card can mean the world to the receiver. So you can decide to hold back or just be careless. Materialism is as equally bad as dispassion and dryness.

[justwhoiam]

Yes, I agree, you missed the point in this case too. But let's move on.

[HeavenOrHell]

Just because I don't agree with what you're saying doesn't mean I've missed the point, but yes let's move on.

 

 

 

Yes, I agree, you missed the point in this case too. But let's move on.