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DirectionInspection

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DirectionInspection

This is probably a simple answer, but I still feel like I need a little help on how to approach the situation. I have been in an online relationship that has just started to move from friends to more than that. Everything has been great!

She lives far away and neither of us between work and everything else cannot meet for the time being. Neither of us are suffer from this fact. We do have plans to meet in person in the future, nothing in stone yet.

 

My issue lies in a lie or misinterpretation of the truth. I still live at home, and this fact I have been a bit hazy on. I am in my mid 20's and in the area in which i live it is normal. I do however feel that I haven't been honest, about where I am living and with whom. As far as I can tell she believes that I live with a roommate. It doesn't appear to be a big deal, but it still bothers me that the whole truth isn't out there. I was wondering what I should do? Should I leave it until the subject comes up again? should I bring it up and tell her straightforward? I don't want this to get in the way in the future especially since the relationship is starting to evolve. I realize now that pride should have never kept me from just telling her, but any guys out there reading this hopefully understand why I didn't.... Thank you!

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This is probably a simple answer, but I still feel like I need a little help on how to approach the situation. I have been in an online relationship that has just started to move from friends to more than that. Everything has been great!

She lives far away and neither of us between work and everything else cannot meet for the time being. Neither of us are suffer from this fact. We do have plans to meet in person in the future, nothing in stone yet.

 

My issue lies in a lie or misinterpretation of the truth. I still live at home, and this fact I have been a bit hazy on. I am in my mid 20's and in the area in which i live it is normal. I do however feel that I haven't been honest, about where I am living and with whom. As far as I can tell she believes that I live with a roommate. It doesn't appear to be a big deal, but it still bothers me that the whole truth isn't out there. I was wondering what I should do? Should I leave it until the subject comes up again? should I bring it up and tell her straightforward? I don't want this to get in the way in the future especially since the relationship is starting to evolve. I realize now that pride should have never kept me from just telling her, but any guys out there reading this hopefully understand why I didn't.... Thank you!

 

 

Being honest is always important especially if she means that much to you. You could always be upfront with her or tell her because of financial reasons you need to move back home. You don't want to keep lying but at least you would be honest from that point on.

 

L

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I suppose this depends on WHY you are living "at home". Have you ever not lived at home? ie: in a flatting situation?

 

What are the reasons you still live in the parental home at 25?

 

I only ask because I am 33 and i live with my parents at the moment, and I am in a LDR. (my partner knows i live with ma & pa and has no issue with it because of the reasons of course)

 

I moved out of home when i was 16, and moved back home 2 years ago (i was 31) when returning from living overseas. I work out of town sometimes, so it's nice not to have to pay for a flat I'm not in alot of the time.

I pay rent to my parents. They are retired, and I help them out alot with things they can no longer manage around the house. Our relationship is very different now and not like "parents/kids" - we are more like "friends". It's really nice. Not always easy, but nice. I have alot of independence as their house is quite big and I don't invade their space.

The reason I live at home is because I am starting up a business and money is tight. I saved alot of money while living here and my future is brighter because of it. I will run the business from home until it's up and running enough for me to move into a leased space.

Financially, I wouldn't be able to do this without living a home for a while. I appreciate that help from Mum and dad and it will help me establish a better base.

 

My partner (in canada) is moving here next year for good. YAY! - when he does, we will get our own place.

 

You should be honest about the situation i feel. If you are embarrassed about it, i would say that there are reasons you should be then, and maybe you should address them.

If you have never lived away from home, you should probably start thinking about it.

 

The reasons you live there are important though, and if it's because you are trying to get ahead with your life then it's fine and she will probably understand this if you explain it to her. If you are an unemployed bum who plays video games in your parents basement, then it's not really ok - By anyones standards.

You dig?

 

:D

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I understand completely.You're a guy who's got some pride,you want to make an impression with a lady you met online,and you want things with her to work out.That being said,honesty may just be the best policy for you.

 

Nowadays,with the cost of living so dang high almost everywhere you go and the economy pretty well in the tank,it's not unusual for people in their 20's,30's,or even 40's to be living at home.Things happen,circumstances arise that are beyond one's control.It doesn't make you any less of a man because you might just be in a jam.It would be different if,as million.to.1 pointed out,you were in your parents' basement doing nothing but playing XBox or something.THAT would be a turn-off to your girlfriend.I have a roommate and my girlfriend knows all about it.We decided to get a place together because it would place less strain on our finances.She seems to understand that.

 

Keeeping this little fib going though may be something that places a strain on what trust that she has for you when she eventually finds out the truth.She may think,"if he's going to be dishonest about his living arrangements,what else could he be holding back?" You're trying to avoid the possibility of losing her by hiding this important detail of your life.However,by holding back on telling her because you don't want her to walk away may end up accomplishing what you're seeking to avoid by not telling her.

 

A real woman isn't going to care about where you live...so as long as it's not with anyone who poses a threat to your relationship.If your girlfriend is going to formulate a snap judgment of you as a person because you live at home and the circumstances surrounding why are understandable,she ain't worth pursuing something with.A real woman can look beyond that and still love you because of who you are as an individual.It won't matter to her if you're currently shacked up with parents.She'll be understanding of that.What matters most to her is YOU.

 

If it helps any,I threw caution to the wind in the early stages of the relationship with my girlfriend.I figured that I should as it was getting serious between us quickly.I told her some of the issues that I had going on in my life-issues that beat out living at home.For one,I felt that I would tell her well in advance out of fairness instead of springing it all on her at a later date.Secondly,me telling her what I did signified an "out" route.If she couldn't handle what I had to say,that was her opportunity to go.It wasn't easy to tell her but,in the end,she loved me regardless.Chances are that,if a woman is going to bail because you live at home,have tight finances,etc.,that she's not looking for a man to love and be loved by.She's probably looking for a sugar daddy type or someone she can treat like an ATM machine.

 

Even if it means compromising some of your pride,it could pay off in the long run.Your girl will know that you're honest.Honesty,in turn,builds trust.If she accepts your current living situation,you can trust that her feelings for you are true.

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I do however feel that I haven't been honest, about where I am living and with whom. As far as I can tell she believes that I live with a roommate. It doesn't appear to be a big deal, but it still bothers me that the whole truth isn't out there. I was wondering what I should do? Should I leave it until the subject comes up again? should I bring it up and tell her straightforward? I don't want this to get in the way in the future especially since the relationship is starting to evolve.
You need to let her know asap. Can you tell us how she was led to believe you have a roommate?
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DirectionInspection

She had asked If I live alone, I responded with no, I live with my brother. At the time it didn't seem important, but again now that it moves further and talks of visiting start coming up I have begun to regret that decision. She knows that it is a family home, and she knows that money is tight. She also knows that my family is close.

 

Thank you for all the responses, I still feel like a dope for not telling her from the beginning.

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She had asked If I live alone, I responded with no, I live with my brother.
Do you share your bedroom with him? Or do you have separate bedrooms? If it's the former, that can be the reason for the misunderstanding... if not, you can just say you didn't feel comfortable telling her at the time as you didn't know her well yet, and were not sure about sharing too many insignificant details.
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As you say, this is pretty much standard in some areas, in which it is normal for 20 somethings to be living at their parents until early 30's or so. I think she will understand, and even more so, she'll probably appreciate the fact that you are stating things as they are now that the relationship is growing.

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