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Worth trying or should I give up?


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So as I said in a previous post, I met the guy I talked online for 2 months a couple of weeks ago.

 

Couple of posts about it:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/359114-first-meeting-after-2-months-sad-hurt

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/long-distance-relationships/360411-after-first-date

 

Things have been a bit weird since... We were trying to connect online and get to know each other somehow. There was an important email where he said it never takes too long before he's in my city again... but I didn't like it that he did not mention a specific date OR invite me to come visit him.

 

So I've been colder lately... I don't contact him as much... not only because he's a little colder as well, but also because I didn't feel it was my place to suggest to a man how to behave during the courting phase, that he should invite me to his city as I have a more flexible schedule, etc.

 

I became a little old fashioned with the courting as I came to realize with experience that a guy should be the initiator in the beginning otherwise things don't last... he gets tired if the woman is pursuing in my opinion, etc.

 

So today when I woke up I get this text bomb from him (below). Yesterday Monday he texted me afte I disappeared since Thursday. In one of the messages I once again implied that I feel I don't know him that well. I know it's a bit passive aggressive as the truth is what I mean is "you should invite me to your city so we get to know each other as I do have time to come and you don't" (he's doing a residency working 6 days a week and must be tiring.

 

 

I won't copy paste the text here in respect to our relationship but it goes more or less in these lines: We should talk about this - we don't know each other that well and it's hard to solve this; it's hard to know what we share beyond loneliness and desire for our bodies; that I turn him on a lot but that we are trying to force a connection, and coming against the distance and lack of familiarity toward each other. He said he doesn't know if he has the energy for that... (THIS phrase was the one that bugged me and I can't stop thinking about... does he mean he doesn't want to make the effort to get to know each other, or that he is so tired from his residency that he thinks it's too much effort to make it work and he's not willing to do it, or that he doesn't have energy for the drama that this brings?). He ended the text saying that he is NOT trying to cut me off but that he feels the ambiguity of the situation is bothering me so he wanted to say something.

 

I mean... if a man wants to get to know someone he makes the effort right? I know we don't even know each other and it's hard to know if there's something there worth pursuing - I don't know if I like him as he doesn't know he likes me yet. BUT, I feel I want to get to know him better and in my case, I would want to make the effort although it's a gamble.

 

I replied that I appreciated his effort and openness in talking about this. And asked if he wanted to talk by voice later.

 

I am not sure what to say. I've been reading Mars and Venus on a Date, wonderful book, and it says clearly that a woman should not make initiatives (as inviting myself to visit him), as it turns men off unconsciously in the beginning. After going through a lot in dating, I kind of agree with that.

 

Should I just give up? It's incredibly hard for me to get interested in someone amongst all the dates I go to. I like this guy. I see potential although I don't know him that well. I think it's a good thing that he put it out there for discussion, shows he's not a jerk and is a mature guy.

 

Ugh. So hard. What should I do?

 

BTW, I am 40 and it's not like I can take my time... I would like if possible to have a baby one day. If I was 20s or early 30s I would not be under such pressure to get to know him asap and see if there's a chance to make it work and fall in love. Again, really hard for me to get interested in someone in my city...

 

edit: Btw - we are only 2 hour distance from each other. It should not be a real problem although it's not ideal.

Edited by edgygirl
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We should talk about this - we don't know each other that well and it's hard to solve this; it's hard to know what we share beyond loneliness and desire for our bodies; that I turn him on a lot but that we are trying to force a connection, and coming against the distance and lack of familiarity toward each other. He said he doesn't know if he has the energy for that... (THIS phrase was the one that bugged me and I can't stop thinking about... does he mean he doesn't want to make the effort to get to know each other, or that he is so tired from his residency that he thinks it's too much effort to make it work and he's not willing to do it, or that he doesn't have energy for the drama that this brings?). He ended the text saying that he is NOT trying to cut me off but that he feels the ambiguity of the situation is bothering me so he wanted to say something.

His line of thought might be: this girl distanced herself from me. Things are unclear between us and she probably was a bit let down. I don't mind her, but of course I'm not looking for anything serious, and I can't keep her at my feet.

 

In other words, he felt you were bothered a bit by his contradicting behavior.

 

What to do: leave him alone and go no contact. All of a sudden. Don't answer his texts anymore. If he writes an email, see what he writes and then decide what you want to do. He'd be a bed buddy. You need to look around and find someone else to share your life with, or even part of it.

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Thanks. We are going to talk about this tomorrow by phone.

 

I am not sure he is not looking for a relationship. He doesn't seem to be someone who is only looking for sex at all, although, as I said in my last posts, it happened when we met, because of both of us - not because he forced it or anything.

 

What I think is - he is unsure if this can work long-distance, if it's worth it (I don't know either), and that it might be hard to find out if it is, and he might not be sure it's worth the effort. I honestly feel the same as I don't know him that well - although I do see the potential and would be willing to try. I agree with every single thing he said (besides the effort part), funnily that's how we BOTH feel, because that's where things are indeed. A big nebulous question mark on whether we should try or not and if it's even possible.

 

Why are you so adamant that I go NC? I'm curious, as he didn't do anything jerkish. I think he opened the door for us to talk about our situation and what is going on. What he said makes sense per our history and how our interaction developed. Is he to blame that he doesn't know how to deal with the situation?

 

Once I've had another LDR overseas-kind... It was more organic and we just tried to get to know each other without questioning if it was weird that it was done online etc. But this guy seems to be more pragmatic, realistic and not a hopeless romantic about things... and I understand it/him although it's not how I deal with things. It's clear he's not used to use online tools to interact i.e. - he was surprised I use gchat to interact and he never used before talking with me.

 

Maybe he doesn't know how to deal with this LD situation? I think he might not really get it. He doesn't know how to act with the tools for it as me and my ex did i.e. ....

Edited by edgygirl
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Basically I think he wanted to continue talking normally online as we've been doing until the opportunity arise for us to meet again. But I got a little cold (as I got pissed for his inability/unwillingness/un-thoughtfulness to make concrete plans), and he felt it and is questioning it and the relationship itself.

 

I mean... I am sure if we were in the same city we'd be dating. He said something like that. But he doesn't know --how to / if it's worth-- having a LDR I guess, as we don't even know each other yet.

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We are going to talk about this tomorrow by phone.
Why. I don't know, but to me you'll just sound desperate. Don't give him attention. Would he really mind if you got lost? I guess not... If he would, why?
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Why? Because if he didn't give a **** about me, he wouldn't care to talk about it and what we're going through. Why does he bother? What's in it for him exactly? A LDR where there's no guarantee of sex? For what? Why bother if it's only sex he wants as you're saying?

 

Attention? Come on... he's a doctor, good looking, 40 yo. I don't think he can't find local attention if that's what he's seeking.

 

Seems to me, both me and him are people who can't find the right person in our current lives/jobs/cities and feel lonely.

 

I don't understand why you're saying I should cut him off. If you said he's lazy in relationships and not worth pursuing for his lack of eagerness towards me or knowing me or setting a date, I would get it... but he didn't do anything jerk-like that shows he's only into sex or attention or whatnot.

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Why? Because if he didn't give a **** about me, he wouldn't care to talk about it and what we're going through. Why does he bother? What's in it for him exactly? A LDR where there's no guarantee of sex? For what? Why bother if it's only sex he wants as you're saying?

 

The guy is working/studying six days a week doing his residency. He has time for little else nor from the sounds of it, is that interested in complicating his life by trying to make time for a relationship with someone, too.

 

Why would he talk to you in the first place? Maybe he was bored, lonely or curious.

 

Why would he now suggest you two talk by phone to discuss things further? Maybe he's a nice guy, has a guilty conscience, and feels he owes you that after he talked to you for a couple of months and went to bed to you after a drunken first date.

 

Maybe he wants to keep you on a string (which he may figure won't require much effort since you're clearly pushing for the relationship to be something more aggressively than he is) so that if/when he wants whatever (someone to talk to/cyber sex/a real role in the hay) you'll be there ready, willing and able to meet his needs.

 

The possibilities are endless. But talk is cheap. If you want to know what a person's real priorities or intentions are, pay attention to how they act and treat you, not simply what they say.

 

Attention? Come on... he's a doctor, good looking, 40 yo. I don't think he can't find local attention if that's what he's seeking.

 

How do you know if he's dating locally or not? Or for that matter, if he's *not currently* in a relationship with someone else? You have no way of knowing that (for sure). Even if you're only two hours away, you have no way of determining whether what he's told you is the truth, nor TBH, given the stage of your relationship should you have any expectations about exclusivity.

 

If in fact he's not looking or seeking out female attention in his own backyard, that should be a big clue to you. As I said before, he may not be interested in a relationship with anyone at the moment (or ever). He may be gay. He may have commitment issues.

 

Obviously, if he's doing his residency and he's 40 yrs old he does things according to his own plan. Considering that, why would one expect anything different from him when it comes to choices he makes about his personal life?

 

Seems to me, both me and him are people who can't find the right person in our current lives/jobs/cities and feel lonely.

 

The operative phrase is: "Seems to me."

 

What *you* want doesn't matter -- no matter how much you'd like to reason with him, throw yourself at him, or ignore what he's saying not with his words but by his behavior toward you.

 

Since you're currently in a self-enrichment reading mode you should pick up a copy of: He's Just Not That Into You" -- because honestly, I don't think he is.

 

I don't understand why you're saying I should cut him off. If you said he's lazy in relationships and not worth pursuing for his lack of eagerness towards me or knowing me or setting a date, I would get it... but he didn't do anything jerk-like that shows he's only into sex or attention or whatnot.

 

Acting "jerk-like" isn't the only reason why one should cut ties with a possible SO and move on.

 

You said it yourself: You're not a 20/30-something any more. Your biological clock is ticking and you want to settle down and have kids. You want/need someone who's on the same wavelength and at that point in your life as you -- as well you should be.

 

For whatever reason, this guy isn't, and no amount of hoping, hinting, cat and mouse playing, pressuring or pouting is going to change that. He is or he isn't - and since he isn't you should move on and find someone who is.

 

I have a feeling part of the reason you're so loathe to cut this guy free is the fact that *on the surface* in your mind he's a fabulous "catch." I mean, how many single, 40-year-old, unattached DOCTORS are there in the dating pool -- and perhaps you're harboring the secret desire that maybe, just maybe, if you play your cards right you can grab that "brass ring."

 

Sometimes fledgling relationships and first dates lead to more. Sometimes they don't regardless of whether they happen 100% in real life or in combination with the virtual world.

 

My advice would be instead of spending so much time and effort trying to figure out "what's wrong" that you should come to terms with just that: *something is* and quit trying to make a round peg fit into a square hole and find someone who is as thrilled to be your partner as you are to be his.

 

Best,

TMichaels

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edgy go re read my posts from your other thread. This is how my friend who is a resident acts down to the letter. Is there for attention and the occasional shag, is not interested in anything serious and everything is strictly on her terms when it suits her.

 

This guy is not long term material and I think you are wasting your time pursuing him.

Edited by Carenth
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Why? Because if he didn't give a **** about me, he wouldn't care to talk about it and what we're going through. Why does he bother? What's in it for him exactly? A LDR where there's no guarantee of sex? For what? Why bother if it's only sex he wants as you're saying?
Why? Have you ever heard him say: "if only you were near here, we'd be dating..." or anything along those lines? Clearly, the distance IS NOT the issue here. He's just not interested in commitment. He sensed what your expectations are, like for most girlfriends, but at your age stage, there's something more to it. He knows. He's not a kid. And as Michael said, you need something else and you don't want to waste a couple of years on this guy, do you?
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Yes in fact I have. He also said he wished we would be in the same town so things could develop more organically. I agree. It's hard to try and get to know someone from another city. I don't know how you LDR people do it.

 

But no, you're right - I don't want to waste my time. I've learned this lesson with a past relationship. In fact, if we agree on something when we talk but things don't progress after it, I will be the first to want out, and within a couple of weeks. I am not stupid to be waiting for him.

 

Why? Have you ever heard him say: "if only you were near here, we'd be dating..." or anything along those lines? Clearly, the distance IS NOT the issue here. He's just not interested in commitment. He sensed what your expectations are, like for most girlfriends, but at your age stage, there's something more to it. He knows. He's not a kid. And as Michael said, you need something else and you don't want to waste a couple of years on this guy, do you?
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I became a little old fashioned with the courting as I came to realize with experience that a guy should be the initiator in the beginning otherwise things don't last... he gets tired if the woman is pursuing in my opinion, etc.

 

 

It's too late to "become" old fashioned about courting after the experience you were up for when you first met.

 

we don't know each other that well and it's hard to solve this; it's hard to know what we share beyond loneliness and desire for our bodies; that I turn him on a lot but that we are trying to force a connection, and coming against the distance and lack of familiarity toward each other. He said he doesn't know if he has the energy for that... (THIS phrase was the one that bugged me and I can't stop thinking about... does he mean he doesn't want to make the effort to get to know each other, or that he is so tired from his residency that he thinks it's too much effort to make it work and he's not willing to do it, or that he doesn't have energy for the drama that this brings?). He ended the text saying that he is NOT trying to cut me off but that he feels the ambiguity of the situation is bothering me so he wanted to say something.

 

I think this means that he doesn't have the energy to pursue a relationship with you. For whatever reasons. He probably would enjoy getting together for more fun sexy times as his schedule permits.

 

This doesn't mean he's "just after sex." You participated in setting this precedent, and it's one he's fine with.

 

I think I posted in your other thread that if people don't take time to get to know each other before getting very sexually involved, it's not very easy to backtrack, especially when you are not in one another's sphere of daily life.

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Thank you. All your points are excellent and will make me think a lot.

 

I have a cool profession as well that people always go "ohhh" when I say it. I am accomplished myself and worked in important worldwide enterprises. So, I do want a professional guy as myself and on my level. But no I am not after some prize. It seemed cool that he is a doc before we met, but after meeting, I can say I like this guy and his character and his profession is only... his profession. I like the way he thinks, I like his calm personality. He's totally my type personality-wise and I am really extremely attracted to him. And sex was so goo, first good sex since my ex. So... Hard to let go. I might have to, if he's not into making the effort I need. I don't know what he is thinking and that's why instead of replying to his text I prefer to talk things straight.

 

He is right, we were both trying too hard to fake a familiarity and intimacy we don't have, it just didn't feel right.

 

Don't you guys think though that a LDR doesn't work for everyone and someone might not be interested solely because it's a LDR and requires too much effort to get to know someone? I am not sure he doesn't want to find someone, I feel it's more about it being a long distance thing and how it's annoying effort-wise. It's bothering (even) me that we're in this situation and I myself am not sure it's worth trying. Oh well.

 

Anyway... Thanks again for taking the time to write all this.

 

 

My advice would be instead of spending so much time and effort trying to figure out "what's wrong" that you should come to terms with just that: *something is* and quit trying to make a round peg fit into a square hole and find someone who is as thrilled to be your partner as you are to be his.

 

Best,

TMichaels

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Agree with all your points.

 

Unfortunately this is a guy that caused a whirlwind that made me see the light regarding relationships and being more contained. What a shame I didn't see it before meeting him as things might be doomed.

 

Instead of taking the time to finally get to know each other we spent the time we had getting to know each other in bed cause we got drunk. Ugh.

 

We did develop some affection online before meeting, as we talked almost everyday for 2 months, and that's probably why we are still talking and kind of interested after sex. But we both feel as if we don't know if there's something else there, if we're a match... and to be able to know, we'd have to be in same spheres like you said. Not sure it's gonna work. It is hard to backtrack, you're absolutely right. Ugh. I wish I could go back in time and be more clever about this :..(

 

It's too late to "become" old fashioned about courting after the experience you were up for when you first met.

 

I think this means that he doesn't have the energy to pursue a relationship with you. For whatever reasons. He probably would enjoy getting together for more fun sexy times as his schedule permits.

 

This doesn't mean he's "just after sex." You participated in setting this precedent, and it's one he's fine with.

 

I think I posted in your other thread that if people don't take time to get to know each other before getting very sexually involved, it's not very easy to backtrack, especially when you are not in one another's sphere of daily life.

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After a day thinking about this, I finally understand why he wrote that text. --I-- am the one who got distant in the last week. I am the one who keeps saying to him that "I feel I don't know you that well" repeatedly as if I am really annoyed by it. I am not being easy going and letting things flow slowly. Perhaps because of my urgency in life.

 

I know in my mind that I am the one who is doubting where things could go and if there will be any progress and willingness to try and set dates. It's in my mind I think.

 

I guess I am the one who is getting tired about the way he doesn't seem eager to set another date, as it's been two weeks after our first meeting. But he has no clue that's what I'm thinking. I never said anything about it either. I was expecting him to take the initiative. I know there's not much there to be craving as we don't know each other and if we're a match or not, on both my side and his side. But I like him in a fundamental level and was willing to try.

 

The sad truth is I think a LDR can't work for someone my age who still wants a family.

Edited by edgygirl
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The sad truth is I think a LDR can't work for someone my age who still wants a family.

 

Easy? No.

 

Can't work?

 

I'd caution you about making sweeping generalizations based on your experience with one guy -- a guy who is going through med school which seems to be his top priority (and rightfully so) at the moment and for some time in the future.

 

I can understand you desiring a relationship with "a professional" but you also have to realize that because he may be, his availability in terms of discretionary time or where he lives/works is not as flexible as what you have as a freelancer.

 

So, if you want to amend your "theory" that a LDR with certain types of people, who have certain types of jobs, are at a certain stage in their life, and/or have certain types of responsibilities is challenging and can have less chance for fast-track success, then yes, I agree with you.

 

 

Best,

TMichaels

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Easy? No.

So, if you want to amend your "theory" that a LDR with certain types of people, who have certain types of jobs, are at a certain stage in their life, and/or have certain types of responsibilities is challenging and can have less chance for fast-track success, then yes, I agree with you.

 

Yes this is basically what I meant but I'm not that good at expressing myself.

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Yes in fact I have. He also said he wished we would be in the same town so things could develop more organically. I agree. It's hard to try and get to know someone from another city. I don't know how you LDR people do it.

I really need to be plain here. As you seem not to see what's evident before your eyes. You're two hours away, a two-hour drive, right? People come here and think that any distance over 40 minutes from one another would qualify as a distance relationship. But this is not the case. If you want to keep it virtual, it's because you want to keep it virtual. I knew someone who was working 5 days a week 3 hours away from home and got back for the weekend. That was not a LDR. Then I knew someone else chatting online with a guy on a daily basis, they had never met and lived 15 minutes from one another. That was a DR. You're not having a LDR. You're having a DR. And why's that? Because he's not looking forward to seeing you again. Don't you think if he did, you would know?? So why is he even talking to you? He comes to your town now and then and you are an option. You are sex time. You are a potential friend. Or a potential FWB. I guess he realized you don't want that, so he can't just ring you up the day before he's coming or so, so he's keeping contact just in case.

As for "We'd be dating", good, you'd be dating him. That would mean you go out with him and have sex. Commitment is just not in the picture. Also, he can date you and other women at the same time too. Because dating is just getting to know each other, not necessarily exclusively.

Edited by justwhoiam
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Sorry but I have to agree with everything justwhoiam just said, harsh but honest.

 

If he wanted to make it work he would. 2 hours in all honesty is not a great deal of distance. **** I wish my girlfriend was 2 hours away, but no she is a 20 hour flight away and I'm crazy about her and as long as we still love each other, I'm working on closing that gap as soon as possible.

 

Quite simply:

 

if he wanted you to come visit he would ask.

if he wanted to visit you, he would make arrangements.

if he really wanted to get to know you better, he would make an effort.

 

As I've said numerous times, doctors in general are quite detached and cold, a lot of them have trouble forming relationships due to the nature of their work schedule which is seriously demanding. Why do you think so many of them end up marrying other doctors?

 

Because they are the people they will get to see every day at work. They are the people who will understand they are busy as **** because they are busy as **** as well. They barely have any free time to themselves and when they do you better ****ing believe they are spending it with people they care about.

 

My friend, whenever she gets time off calls me straight away to arrange time to catch up because she knows her schedule is hectic as hell and will probably not be able to see me for quite some time after that.

 

I know you think he's a catch most people think that when they think holy **** a single doctor I must death grip onto that before someone else does. In reality most of them who are single are single because they choose to be, not because of lack of options (and trust me they have lots of options).

 

You are trying to force this to work on your schedule and time line and I'm sorry it just won't happen with a guy like this, he knows this as well.

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Okay I totally appreciate your input guys.

 

BUT. We talked by phone and honestly things were solved and talked through for now.

 

I think it was a Mars-Venus thing where I kept saying "I don't feel we know each other that well" when what I really meant was "I want us to have a new date to meet set up". He had said he felt I was disappointed with something and he didn't know what it was and then instead of hinting I said straight that if we are not making plans and setting a date to start to get to know each other, I was not sure what the point is in keep talking.

 

He is kind of slow, in general... it's just this energy he has. And he said he never had a LDR ever in life. It is very clear he didn't realize how to make this thing go ahead. He immediately said he wants to make plans to come and see me or me him although he's also going to his mom's city for the holidays.

 

He said people had told him that he's hard to read. He is. But I don't mind it as I don't like super outgoing people as myself.

 

Ugh I know you all are going to say that I am dreaming and not seeing the truth, but I don't know... I think he's a good guy and not a jerk at all. He's always very honest about things and everything he says is usually things I am also feeling myself. So let's see where this goes.

 

I am not sure there is something there yet besides a strong attraction as he doesn't know either. But it seems we both want to find out, so I am glad for now.

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Cmon really? I really do think you are trying to force this to work and are not accepting the reality of the situation.

 

This guy is not an idiot, he knows exactly what he is doing. People in real life call me very hard to read for a reason, I keep my cards very close to my chest. Don't treat him as some infantile that doesn't know how to make a relationship move forward if he wanted it too, give him more credit than that.

 

It's quite simple "he's not that into you" but he doesn't mind you as the occasional option, when it suits him. Notice how you had this conversation and he said he wants to make plans but didn't actually make plans.

 

Guess what that is called stringing along. It's going slow because he wants it to go slow. It's on his time frame because he want's it to be. It won't become serious because that's how he wants it.

 

Someone can be a good person and still not suitable as dating material for your circumstances, someone being a jerk isn't the only reason to cut contact and move on. I know throughout this thread I have made my friend sound like some heartless bitch but in reality she is a very nice person, just she has no interest in a serious relationship period.

 

Let me guess he only made the suggestion of you meeting up after you told him there was no point talking if you have no plans to meet up, am I correct?

 

He's just saying what you want to hear to keep you on the hook for when it suits him. If you are happy with this setup (which you are not) then that's fine, otherwise seriously stop wasting your time.

Edited by Carenth
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Okay I totally appreciate your input guys.

 

BUT. We talked by phone and honestly things were solved and talked through for now.

 

I think it was a Mars-Venus thing where I kept saying "I don't feel we know each other that well" when what I really meant was "I want us to have a new date to meet set up". He had said he felt I was disappointed with something and he didn't know what it was and then instead of hinting I said straight that if we are not making plans and setting a date to start to get to know each other, I was not sure what the point is in keep talking.

 

He is kind of slow, in general... it's just this energy he has. And he said he never had a LDR ever in life. It is very clear he didn't realize how to make this thing go ahead. He immediately said he wants to make plans to come and see me or me him although he's also going to his mom's city for the holidays.

 

He said people had told him that he's hard to read. He is. But I don't mind it as I don't like super outgoing people as myself.

 

Ugh I know you all are going to say that I am dreaming and not seeing the truth, but I don't know... I think he's a good guy and not a jerk at all. He's always very honest about things and everything he says is usually things I am also feeling myself. So let's see where this goes.

 

I am not sure there is something there yet besides a strong attraction as he doesn't know either. But it seems we both want to find out, so I am glad for now.

 

I don't think he's a jerk, but I also don't think he's that interested in you. Certainly nowhere near as interested as you are in him. It doesn't sound like he made a plan to see you, unless I'm missing something. You're wasting your time with this.

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edgygirl, can you meet him up 5 times and not have sex with him? If you get to that, that is 5 dates with this man...

I might be wrong, but I would bet he wouldn't go further than the third one on those terms...

But let me guess... You'd try to let him fall in love with you, and no sex would sort of push him away, right? So you need to use all your charm and sex is part of the deal...

Someone's going to get burned.

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Guys seriously I think you are misunderstanding what happened between me and him.

 

This guy is NOT about sex. At all. He didn't push for that, he doesn't talk about that. Sex happened because we became super drunk and I invited him to my bed, he didn't push it AT ALL. I meant it. I was drunk but I am sure of that.

 

He is not pushing for sex. We talked about it and it was pretty awesome sex. But he was the first one to suggest that next times should be park / lunch dates to get to know each other.

 

Honestly I am the one who is not sure I can resist having sex when we meet again. It was awesome and I can't stop thinking about it haha.

 

This guy is honestly a respectful, family oriented, good man. He's done nothing to prove otherwise.

 

I am the first one to admit I am not sure we (yes both me and him) are sure we're interested in each other. I like him a lot, I see potential and that's enough for me to want to know him better even if it takes a little effort. Let's see if his actions show he would be willing to as well. But the point it, I don't know for sure I am that interested. I am interested in the potential I see, because as him, there's no way I can know if we're compatible.

 

Me and him feel exactly the same regarding each other. And we are both confused if it's worth it pursuing. The only difference I see is that I do want to find a relationship asap because of my age, and he doesn't have the biological urgency. But I obviously won't do it -with him or anyone else- if I realize there's no compatibility.

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