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i think maybe this is a better forum to post in

 

i went travelling around america for 9 weeks. Met a girl, 2 weeks in. Spent an awful lot of time together for the next 7 weeks (sharing a tent, days out etc etc). I came home after that, she carried on travelling for a further 9 weeks.

 

About a week or so before i left to come home - she wanted "that" conversation of either we try and stay together for her remaining travelling or just call it quits (we decided to try it)

 

Shes in contact roughly every other day (depending on wifi - we mainly imessage / maybe facetime once in a while/ the odd photo). I havent been pestering her with messages, i want her to have a good time while being away & like i said she is the one that will normally be in contact.

 

shes in NZ now for 3 weeks till she comes home (in 2 weeks she'll be home). Pretty much moving to a new town every day & partying with her new bus mates. I haven't really heard much in detail from her since being her bus journey. Just the odd quick "hello" text every other day (Also the convo has kinda waned abit now & i would like to try and get it back to more jokey/flirty) & i havent heard from her in 3 days.

 

I must admit the first 2 weeks i found quit hard (seeing her everyday, too just a text convo. Obviously, ive only known her for like 3-4 months and atleast half of that has been her travelling alone. She has been on my mind pretty much most of the time im not doing something (ive been unemployed since coming back but start a job in a few weeks time).

 

Basically ive had so many situations go round in my head, like -

Her getting with others, finding someone else, just leaving me hanging here for when shes back etc etc

 

should i meet her at the airport or leave it?

 

you think maybe i should ask if anything went on while we were apart?

 

OR am i just over thinking everything??

 

just wondered if anyone had some advise or was in the same situation.

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i went travelling around america for 9 weeks. Met a girl, 2 weeks in. Spent an awful lot of time together for the next 7 weeks (sharing a tent, days out etc etc). I came home after that, she carried on travelling for a further 9 weeks.

About a week or so before i left to come home - she wanted "that" conversation

shes in NZ now for 3 weeks till she comes home (in 2 weeks she'll be home).

should i meet her at the airport or leave it?
So... where's home? Just where you live? And you oddly met somewhere around the world? I don't get it.

 

Basically ive had so many situations go round in my head, like -

Her getting with others, finding someone else, just leaving me hanging here for when shes back etc etc

What's wrong with that? Are you afraid you've fallen for this girl?

 

you think maybe i should ask if anything went on while we were apart?
What about "Did you have any action with some other guy?" Now.

 

OR am i just over thinking everything??
Overthinking? That word is crossed off of most girls' vocabulary. But well, guys should not overthink, right? They must be in control. You decide what's best for you and what you want. But you keep it cool, she slips away. She surely can find other guys interested in her and with whom she can have much more fun and get along... (some more overthinking for you).
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Sorry maybe i should have been more clear in my post -

 

So... where's home? Just where you live? And you oddly met somewhere around the world? I don't get it.

 

Home is the UK (we live roughly 1hr train journey apart). We met while travelling the USA, spent 7 weeks travelling together. I came home. She carried on travelling to Australia and New Zealand. She comes back to the UK in two weeks time.

 

This is all over the space of 4 months. August - December

 

What's wrong with that? Are you afraid you've fallen for this girl?

 

Yes, im afraid i have fallen for her. I guess if i don't admit it to myself, then if she comes back and feels different about me / tells me something has gone on with another guy. Then i can think "oh well, i didn't really like her in that way" and can brush it off.

 

What about "Did you have any action with some other guy?" Now.

 

The question is a bit difficult, because i do trust her and have no reason not to. BUT do i really know her that well & for at least the first few weeks i maybe thinking every photo i see with a guy/ new friend on facebook - did she? did he try something?

 

Overthinking? That word is crossed off of most girls' vocabulary. But well, guys should not overthink, right? They must be in control. You decide what's best for you and what you want. But you keep it cool, she slips away. She surely can find other guys interested in her and with whom she can have much more fun and get along... (some more overthinking for you).

 

I know what your saying. Its trying to have that fine line of showing her im interested but letting her get on with her travelling without being annoying.

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As I see it, you wouldn't be annoying for asking one simple question, which in turn would let her know that you care about that. That you're not fine with her sleeping around. I mean she's not your girlfriend, is she? I guess not. I gathered the deal was we keep in touch with one another as more than friends because we're both interested in each other. But the bf/gf thing has never been mentioned anywhere. Or you omitted that. So you put yourself in some unclear situation, where you both keep doors open to others as you're not in a relationship, AKA you're both "free". You definitely need to ask the question. If then you don't like the answer, you still can opt for the "oh, well, it was just at the very beginning and I was not that into her anyway..." kind of thing, as you said. She might get bothered at you thinking she sleeps around, but let's be plain, didn't she do that with you? It's plausible she can do it quite easily. It also depends on how much she feels she's involved with you. And that also depends on how much you are involved. Yes, it seems complicated. But if I were you I would just pop the question. No offence meant. You surely need to know.

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ah again maybe i wasnt clear enough in my original post.

 

Before i left to come home. She wanted "that" conversation to decide what our relationship was. If we -

 

a) call it quits

b) stay in contact while shes away and see what happens when shes back home

c) are in a relationship as boyfriend & girlfriend

 

we decided on C - so we are boyfriend and girlfriend

 

like i said previously, we have kept in contact quite well. Pretty much texting atleast every other day. BUT now she is in NZ, has found alot of buddies on her bus tour, is partying it up and moving to a new destination nearly everyday. (i know what travelling is like having done a massive round the world trip a few years ago. And have seen what goes on while people are away, good & bad)

 

The communication has become a little sparse. She has been in NZ 10 days and ive heard from her about 5 times (the last time about 3 days ago) just little quick "hello, im still alive" type messages, not much detail... (i have just re read this and i think that im just overthinking things and just being an idiot. 3 days isnt that long is it? When would overs think a too longer perod of no contact is?)

 

Basically i have no idea if she is still interested or not or what? When she lands in 2 weeks time, would she want me at the airport to greet her? Would she want to see me over the Christmas period etc?

 

I dont want to ask her to soon because i dont want to be needy and clingy. Plus she has 2 weeks left and i doubt she wants to be reminded about coming home.

Edited by oman
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You are BF & GF.

 

trust her.

 

she's home in 2 weeks.

 

yay!

 

yes, go meet her at the airport. make plans. think forward. :)

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c) are in a relationship as boyfriend & girlfriend

 

we decided on C - so we are boyfriend and girlfriend

 

Basically i have no idea if she is still interested or not or what? When she lands in 2 weeks time, would she want me at the airport to greet her?

If she is your girlfriend, why are you so unsure? Behave as a boyfriend. If anything has changed, she will tell you. But you should definitely be at the airport. Tell her in advance you can go pick her up. She might have arranged that with someone else. In that case, ask her when you can meet her. No rocket science!
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If she is your girlfriend, why are you so unsure? Behave as a boyfriend. If anything has changed, she will tell you. But you should definitely be at the airport. Tell her in advance you can go pick her up. She might have arranged that with someone else. In that case, ask her when you can meet her. No rocket science!

 

I quess im unsure because i do trust her BUT i know what goes on whilst people are out travelling and ive known her for as long as we have been apart.

 

Yeah i know (well atleast would hope) she would tell me different if anything had changed and so far, i dont think much has changed except the frequency of chatting (but again like i said shes been moving to a new town pretty much everyday, stuck on a bus for a minimum of a few hours everyday. Obviously wants to take in the sights and go have fun.)

 

Her parents (who knew about me but obviously i havent met) are actually picking her up from the airport and shes staying with them over christmas. TBH i would like to go to the airport just to see her for 30 seconds.

 

I know there is not really alot i can do apart wait and see for 2 weeks. Its just annoying having these things go round in my head. Normally i wouldnt think twice about these things but her having been away for so long things have probably changed for her...

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Well i received a message from her yesterday (so it was 3 days of no contact, which really i guess isnt that longer time. is it?) saying she was alright, as there was a 5.8 earthquake in NZ around the 8th dec and i just sent a message just to check she was fine.

 

I think i may just leave it now, to see if she will contact me. As i reckon she wont be in contact till maybe thursday/friday (when she is actually in one place more then 1 night & the same for the coming sunday/monday). Good idea?

 

Plus, it is only 13 days till shes back and 1 day of that will be travel. So really only 12days of partying left

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It's different in all the LDR's obviously. We too had phases where we'd go three days without contact. But it depends on the circumstances. If both live in a house and have permanent internet access, either at work, uni or at home, and more and more via smart phone, no/low contact usually begs for an explanation.

 

In your cases three days without contact are easier to explain. Still, I find it hard to believe that in this day and age technical problems justify no or low contact, even while traveling. So I am pretty sure you two having low contact has different reasons, namely the character of your relationship and the character of you and her.

 

For the sake of completeness a few means of getting into contact:

 

 

  • Phone in the hotel/hostel
  • Phone in a public phone booth
  • Phone in a call shop
  • Internet cafe
  • W-LAN in the hotel/hostel
  • Public W-LAN in restaurants / bars
  • Cell phone with local or home sim card
  • Internet stations in hotel/hostel
  • Public internet access in libraries, airports or train stations

Most of them are either cheap or even completely for free. I don't know what your girl's position is, you might want to find out. In my case low contact, I'd say, is due to her being very independent and very busy at times. It's really hard to tell what's at work here. Maybe your girl doesn't see the two of you as serious. Or maybe she does but can do with very little contact.

 

 

I've always wondered about this, also in my own case, because I used to see girls as more emotional than men, and thus needing more contact. Why can some girls do with very little contact, even in a fresh relationship?

 

Why is low contact even a problem? Well, below a certain threshold, low contact raises the question how interested in the other person the person is, who keeps low contact. Or put differently, whether the amount of contact reflects the perceived or claimed intensity/depth of the relationship. And if there's a mismatch, it is interesting to know where the difference stems from. I'd suggest you talk to your girl about this, so she even knows how you feel about the depth of your communication.

 

Take good care!

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Since I've heard from her it's been another 4 days. I sent an iMessage yo her a couple of days ago and have no reply - but the actual message hasn't come up with "delivered" on it, so this suggests she hasn't used her phone for Internet and hasn't got the message. BUT the last couple of days I have seen in my news feed on Facebook (fb seems gone the route of all evil!!) that she has been on fb and liked a few statuses etc. So why would she not be able to send a quick message from there I do not know. So this morning I sent a fb message.

 

Doesn't look good does it.

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Doesn't look good does it.

Ehm, no.

 

You definitely held back. She might have held back too. Also, notice you had to contact her to get any news from her. But also, I don't understand you. You never called her all this time, did you? You're even afraid of annoying her with your texting. What kind of boyfriend are you? I don't know. Maybe I'm just different, but if I have a boyfriend, I want him to call me, to text me, I want to know he's thinking of me. This whole thing came up as very mild, she had to ask you about you two. If it were not for that, you wouldn't even call her a girlfriend now.

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BUT the last couple of days I have seen in my news feed on Facebook (fb seems gone the route of all evil!!) that she has been on fb and liked a few statuses etc. So why would she not be able to send a quick message from there I do not know. So this morning I sent a fb message.

 

Doesn't look good does it.

 

you're certainly not a priority is what she's communicating. Either conclude now, or, if you're very patient, ask her if that's what she wants you to feel.

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LDR is hard. Without connection, the bond starts to fade. But that doesn't mean it can't be rebuilt.

 

She comes home in two weeks. I would go to the airport. I would express how happy you are to see her. And I would go forward from there.

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Well I got a message back on Facebook, tell me what you think...

 

"Hey no iMessage doesn't seem to be working although iPod is still going just about.

I'm sorry I've not been in touch. I'm not being fair to you at all and I know that. I always said I'd be honest and honestly I'm struggling to feel like I'm in a relationship at the moment. That's nothing bad on your part, it's all me and my **** lack of effort and the fact that I've been partying every day for the last week. So I'm really sorry for neglecting you big time. I hope things are ok at home for you and we get to talk sometime soon x"

 

Oh she wrote the fb message at 4am then i saw she got the imessage a few hours later at like 8am. HOw do you read that message... a break up (its not you, its me) or just inconclusive??

 

here are my thoughts on it - when i got this message i really wasn't that surprised or upset about it, i also felt like we are not in a relationship. Yes i did like her the more time we spent together when we were away but i never had that phase of getting to know someone (butterflies in your stomach, eagerly awaiting a text or even that sort of flirtation). It just kind of went from a drunken kiss, to a drunken fumble, to sleeping in the same tent , all within 3 days and not really knowing each other. THERE WAS NO BUILD UP!

also i think with me having a whole load of spare time, when she was away she became "something to do or think about" and thus got things got built up in my head. Like i said before i know what happens when your away (out of sight, out of mind)... & i thought this might happen (all be it maybe a little sooner then it did).

 

Shes back in 10 days, comes back from her parents on the 1st jan.

 

would i be adverse to seeing her again? no i would go for a drink and see what its like. But im at least going to give it a few days before i reply (even if i do...) & im sure i will get a message from her once she is at the airport or a little lonely.

 

so what would you do/think??

Edited by oman
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Typical evasive garbage. Doesn't look good, you may be lucky you even got a response.

 

"Hey no iMessage doesn't seem to be working although iPod is still going just about.

I'm sorry I've not been in touch. I'm not being fair to you at all and I know that. I always said I'd be honest and honestly I'm struggling to feel like I'm in a relationship at the moment. That's nothing bad on your part, it's all me and my **** lack of effort and the fact that I've been partying every day for the last week. So I'm really sorry for neglecting you big time."

At least she is realistic about how she made you feel. But I tell you, it won't help you, because it's water under the bridge for her. If you bring this up again it'll just drive her away further. Play it cool, it's her turn now to make it up to you.

 

"I hope things are ok at home for you and we get to talk sometime soon x"

What the hell does that even mean... What's that talk going to be about? Is it part of a plan to make you feel less neglected or is it part of coming clean to you about the fact that she's not in a relationship with you anymore, for god knows how long already?

 

HOw do you read that message... a break up (its not you, its me) or just inconclusive??

Like most human beings she wants to keep herself all options for as long as possible, so it's probably a near-break-up. She's testing the waters, she probably gives you a slight chance. Depending on how annoying (to her) the talks with you will be the less chances you stand.

 

here are my thoughts on it - when i got this message i really wasn't that surprised or upset about it, i also felt like we are not in a relationship. Yes i did like her the more time we spent together when we were away but i never had that phase of getting to know someone (butterflies in your stomach, eagerly awaiting a text or even that sort of flirtation). It just kind of went from a drunken kiss, to a drunken fumble, to sleeping in the same tent , all within 3 days and not really knowing each other. THERE WAS NO BUILD UP!

Right, so it doesn't look bad for you. The investment on your side was limited, so are your losses. From how I read you, you aren't too worked up over all this. Good for you.

 

also i think with me having a whole load of spare time, when she was away she became "something to do or think about" and thus got things got built up in my head. Like i said before i know what happens when your away (out of sight, out of mind)... & i thought this might happen (all be it maybe a little sooner then it did).

Yeah, this too is typical in LDRs. And you probably filled plenty of gaps in the picture of her personality with your own imagination. Turns out you're wrong. Nothing to be sorry about, it's pretty normal.

 

Shes back in 10 days, comes back from her parents on the 1st jan.

 

would i be adverse to seeing her again? no i would go for a drink and see what its like. But im at least going to give it a few days before i reply (even if i do...) & im sure i will get a message from her once she is at the airport or a little lonely.

 

so what would you do/think??

Sure give it a try, but don't chase her. You could reply something like

 

"Thanks for your message, what you said about the relationship doesn't clarify anything though. Are we still a couple?"

 

If she doesn't reply to that you got your answer, if she does reply to the actual question, you got your answer. If she replies something like "let's talk" or "let's meet" she's undecided still.

 

Let us know how this goes on :) And take good care!

Edited by umirano
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Well I got a message back on Facebook, tell me what you think...

 

"Hey no iMessage doesn't seem to be working although iPod is still going just about. I'm sorry I've not been in touch. I'm not being fair to you at all and I know that. I always said I'd be honest and honestly I'm struggling to feel like I'm in a relationship at the moment. That's nothing bad on your part, it's all me and my **** lack of effort and the fact that I've been partying every day for the last week. So I'm really sorry for neglecting you big time. I hope things are ok at home for you and we get to talk sometime soon x"

 

HOw do you read that message... a break up (its not you, its me) or just inconclusive??

 

I'm going to go against the flow here, and say no, I don't think she necessarily is trying to say she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. I think she's being honest and apologizing for her lack of communication.

 

here are my thoughts on it - when i got this message i really wasn't that surprised or upset about it, i also felt like we are not in a relationship. Yes i did like her the more time we spent together when we were away but i never had that phase of getting to know someone (butterflies in your stomach, eagerly awaiting a text or even that sort of flirtation). It just kind of went from a drunken kiss, to a drunken fumble, to sleeping in the same tent , all within 3 days and not really knowing each other. THERE WAS NO BUILD UP!

 

While I see what you mean and understand, how exactly would there have been time/place for any sort of build up if you jumped into bed after knowing her *three days?*

 

Even if your relationship developed somewhat "backward" it's not like you invented a new scenario -- others have certainly done the same.

 

However, the more important question is: After you "crossed the line" and had sex, how did you feel about her and being with her then?

 

Take the fact you've been a bit ticked off with her due to her lack of communication these few weeks out of the equation and be honest:

 

-- Did you decide to remain a couple at the end of your US tour out of lust or love?

-- Now that you've physically spent as much time apart as together, are you two a good match or just good f-buddies?

 

also i think with me having a whole load of spare time, when she was away she became "something to do or think about" and thus got things got built up in my head.

 

Also understandable. I imagine a lot of that time you were also wishing you were traveling with her as when you were together for the first part of trip you had a great time. Nothing wrong or unusual about that. Again, plenty of people before you have walked in those same shoes.

 

Like i said before i know what happens when your away (out of sight, out of mind)... & i thought this might happen (all be it maybe a little sooner then it did).

 

I agree with the first part of that statement, but I think you may be being too hasty is declaring the relationship dead. I think you're trying to convince yourself it is because that way you're preparing yourself for "the fall" and figure it'll hurt less.

 

Okay, again understandable, but you may be cutting your nose off to spite your face, as they say.

 

Shes back in 10 days, comes back from her parents on the 1st jan. would i be adverse to seeing her again? no i would go for a drink and see what its like. But im at least going to give it a few days before i reply (even if i do...) & im sure i will get a message from her once she is at the airport or a little lonely.

 

so what would you do/think??

 

I'm puzzled why you seem to have adopted the attitude that she won't be interested in you now that she's partied and met others during the remainder of her trip. Don't you think you're selling yourself a bit short?

 

I mean... She found you attractive enough that SHE pushed for an answer to "the relationship status question" before you parted and (I assume) was happy with the fact that you both wanted to be a couple.

 

Whether it was premature for the two of you to decide that is another matter, but the girl *has* apologized for her lack of communication, accepted responsibility for it, and true to her word, has been honest about it.

 

So what was she trying to say?

 

If she wanted OUT she would have said so. She didn't. What she said is that she hoped you were okay and she hoped you two could talk again, soon. I take her message as much as an apology/explanation as an attempt to see *if she's* blown her chance with YOU.

 

From what you've shared, she doesn't sound like "a player." She sounds like a typical young woman of her age who has enjoyed the chance to travel, see new places, meet new people. It's a trip she probably won't ever be able to do again and won't regret have taken. My guess is, you'd say the same thing about your decision to visit and travel in the USA.

 

And, just as *you* could have never had predicted you'd meet a girl on your trip that you fell in love/lust with, she never could have guessed how difficult it would be to continue traveling and maintain/sustain a budding relationship. Oh well, "live and learn" as they say. ;)

 

To answer your original question: "Have I been over-thinking things?" In a word, I think "Yes."

 

So what do you do now?

 

I wouldn't play games by "letting her stew" for a few days by not getting in touch, and I wouldn't bring up her lack of communication while you were apart again.

 

HINT: Most women *are not* attracted by men they have to constantly reassure and prop up and she's offered her apology. Be a man and accept it, and move on from there.

 

Would I would do is drop her an email or send her a message and let her know you appreciated getting her update and are looking forward to talking to her when she gets back. Tell her to get in touch once she gets home and you can work out the details. Then, leave it at that.

 

If she doesn't get in touch, or it takes weeks/months for her to do so, then cut your losses and move on.

 

If she does get in touch, then fine. Take it from there -- but don't do it by email or text. TALK to her either on the phone, on Skype, or push for an in-person meeting since you're only about an hour part.

 

If you two do make contact again, I would treat it almost as "you're starting over." What happened in the USA was one thing but now you two will both be on your "home turfs." Is there really something worth pursuing day-to-day as opposed to "on holiday?" You'll find out soon enough.

 

Best of luck,

TMichaels

Edited by TMichaels
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Even if your relationship developed somewhat "backward" it's not like you invented a new scenario -- others have certainly done the same.

 

However, the more important question is: After you "crossed the line" and had sex, how did you feel about her and being with her then?

 

I liked spending time with her because otherwise i wouldn't have spent the days/weeks with her, especially as it could be 24hrs with each other (of course there were difference of opinions and maybe someone would be a little narked off once in a while, but that happens with everyone. Even family.)

 

Take the fact you've been a bit ticked off with her due to her lack of communication these few weeks out of the equation and be honest:

 

Honestly i haven't really been that ticked off about the lack of communication. What i REALLY hated, was not knowing where i stood and not being able just to pick up the phone and being able to find that out. Like if your dating, you may see that person maybe 1/2/3 times a week thats fine, but its something about the other person being in another country and having to wait for them to be bothered to find wifi or internet.

 

-- Did you decide to remain a couple at the end of your US tour out of lust or love?

-- Now that you've physically spent as much time apart as together, are you two a good match or just good f-buddies?

 

Now lust or love is a harder thing to decide. I obviously do find the looks of a girl attractive and yes this could lead to one night or a short fling but for anything more i really have to find that person interesting and want to be around them. Also when i said goodbye to her and being in the airport i was actually upset at the thought of leaving. So i would say it was more love then lust.

 

I agree with the first part of that statement, but I think you may be being too hasty is declaring the relationship dead. I think you're trying to convince yourself it is because that way you're preparing yourself for "the fall" and figure it'll hurt less.

 

Okay, again understandable, but you may be cutting your nose off to spite your face, as they say.

 

Yes, i know your right here. Its easier to run away and think "oh well", then to actually have my heart on my sleeve.

 

From what you've shared, she doesn't sound like "a player." She sounds like a typical young woman of her age who has enjoyed the chance to travel, see new places, meet new people. It's a trip she probably won't ever be able to do again and won't regret have taken. My guess is, you'd say the same thing about your decision to visit and travel in the USA.

 

And, just as *you* could have never had predicted you'd meet a girl on your trip that you fell in love/lust with, she never could have guessed how difficult it would be to continue traveling and maintain/sustain a budding relationship. Oh well, "live and learn" as they say

 

Yes, i would say the same thing. Both times i traveled. I completely agree, you have to take those opportunities, go out have fun. I never said to her not to, i encouraged her to have a blast. Originally i also thought i may only get a message once or twice a week (not nearly as often as she did up until NZ)

 

To answer your original question: "Have I been over-thinking things?" In a word, I think "Yes."

 

I totally agree with this... i guess ill just have to chalk this one up and learn.

 

Would I would do is drop her an email or send her a message and let her know you appreciated getting her update and are looking forward to talking to her when she gets back. Tell her to get in touch once she gets home and you can work out the details. Then, leave it at that.

 

If she doesn't get in touch, or it takes weeks/months for her to do so, then cut your losses and move on.

 

If she does get in touch, then fine. Take it from there -- but don't do it by email or text. TALK to her either on the phone, on Skype, or push for an in-person meeting since you're only about an hour part.

 

If you two do make contact again, I would treat it almost as "you're starting over." What happened in the USA was one thing but now you two will both be on your "home turfs." Is there really something worth pursuing day-to-day as opposed to "on holiday?" You'll find out soon enough.

 

I know we would have to "reconnect" as it were and start "a fresh" because yes its totally different situations.

 

I think i will drop her a message, maybe later on tonight or tomorrow. Just saying - "I hope she enjoys the rest of her trip and look forward to speaking to her once she is home and has a merry Christmas" and leave it at that.

 

Thanks for the replies everyone

 

 

Edit - right ive sent message saying "Hi. Thanks for your message. I really hope you enjoy the rest of your trip and I'm looking forward to talking to you once your back home and settled. Have a Merry Christmas x" and left it as that

Edited by oman
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Have a Merry Christmas x" and left it as that

Again, you're not treating her as your girlfriend, and I'm not sure what you're doing in here, honestly. If I received anything like that, I would think that - once home - if I had to call you, I should do it *after* Christmas, right? I would think you don't want to hear from me before. Oh well. GL.

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I agree with justwhoiam. You didn't express that she did not clarify her view on the type of relationship you have. You did what she hoped for. So with your help she bought herself more time, thus keeping her all her options for a longer period of time. No information gain, no peace of mind for you.

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right ive been thinking about the message i sent and tbh, being all nice is not me, i like to be confident in myself (yes i know i havent been during this "relationship") so i sent another message. Im taking the bull by its horns and doing it my way - i sent this to her.

 

Hey, the above message from me is...well... weak! I too am struggling to feel like im in a relationship and think it was abit naive of us. We do need to talk but im not going to do it over messages or texts. Ill speak to you once your back. Like i said have fun on the rest of your trip, its once in a lifetime. take care x

 

again thanks for the input but like i said im going to be myself again.... & do it my way

 

cheers

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just an update - here is her reply from my message

 

"That sounds like a good plan. Thanks for being awesome :) ill call you when I'm home x"

 

Im not counting my chickens yet. TBH not much has changed (if anything). Im just going to focus on having a great christmas because ive been looking forward to it for some time now and take control

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"That sounds like a good plan. Thanks for being awesome :) ill call you when I'm home x"

tbh, that sounds pretty good to me! Now let's see whether she keeps her promise. Happy holidays to you! Oh, and keep us posted. Real life experience is invaluable to us too :)
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Right... This morning ive woken up and just got this on my mind (i know i shouldnt but i honestly cant help it). I just don't understand the whole thing. Its proper annoying me today...

 

While away, i just was myself while away, wasnt too fussed about her and enjoyed the trip. The last 4 weeks she would actually put a tent up for us to "stay" together. The odd free day we had in a city or place, we would go round in a group together, have a laugh etc (we called a couple of the free days dates). She actually told her mum about me (and told her about us being bf/gf (apparently)). Even one night we were in a house for a couple of nights, she was in my bed and after "you know" i swear to god i heard her say "i think im falling in love with you" (i wasnt sure what she said and questioned it "what was that?" she pretended she was just sleep talking and didnt know what she said (i just left it). When i left to go home (and she carried on her travels) she balled her eyes out.

 

Even when she was travelling around by herself, she'll go out of her way to get wifi to message me (Apart for the last 2 1/2 weeks). The past 3 weeks shes been on a bus round NZ partying it up, pretty much moving on everyday to a new destination.

 

GRRRR!!

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