Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hey guys! I'm really looking forward for advices what should or shouldn't I do.

 

So here's the story. I met a girl on an online game in 2011 december... I was just chilling and playing poker and stuff like that. Once we started to talk/chat and we were having good talk for a long time. First it wasn't love but we liked each other. We talked on skype for a year and in 2012 April 5 I decided to visit her. She's living in Poland, I live in Hungary. I never met someone like her before. Even we just skyped, talked, webcam chat, play games it was really great. We talked about lots of things I wouldn't mention to other ppl, even friends. We really accepted each other. So, on April 5. we met. It was pretty good and weird to meet someone I already loved and never really met in real. I didn't know what I should really say but everything was going fine. I stayed at her place for a week. We got drunk at first night and yeah... we were really honest to each other and we loved each other. I remember when she asked 'Where do you want to sleep?' ;) So yeah... we slept with each other. Everything went really fine. I also bought her a nice gift a Swarovski necklace and even though I just wanted to buy something little I really asked myself what she means for me... So I bought the prettiest thing for her. She really really loved it! It was beautiful on her, beautiful as her. We spent every day with each other , we went to walk around her city and restaurants. After I left, we missed each other and never stopped talking on skype or anything. We talked like 3-4 hours at least every day. After a month she visited me too. I went to the airport with car and drived her to my place. We had good times here, I made her breakfast and bought a rose for her in the morning and bring it to the bed. She was really happy with me and I was really happy with her. We went to cinema, aquaparks ,sightseeing, sugarshops , fashion streets, etc...She left after a week again, we had some fights at my place because she was getting jealous that I talked to my friends (girls) in a 'weird' way when I didn't mean to. For me it was just a regular talk to my friends and for her it was different. I think I kinda broke her 'trust' by that...idk but after we met like 3 times more she was desperate to check my phone and messages etc. Once she found a naked picture on my laptop while I was having a shower and I really didn't even know that picture was on my laptop. It was a random naked girl picture from 2010.. I admit I should've delete it but I didn't even know I have that picture but I understand if she got mad at me. Anyways, I visited her 4 weeks ago...everything went good, we went ice skating, hang out, drink, talk etc. After 5 days I came back because of my school. And there were like 3 people hitting on her and she told me, but she said she's not interested in them and said not to worry. Of course I was a bit worried because one of those guy went to her flat and he was mostly there because of my girlfriends friend/flatmate. But I felt like he's just doing all this to check on my girlfriend. After a week I left, there was another guy from her class who started hitting on her even though he knew she has a boyfriend already. Obviously he didn't really care. 1 week later she told me that she needs a break. I was kinda shocked and she said 'something broke in her' 'she cant do this distance relationship' 'she doesn't want to feel the pain when I leave all the time or when she leaves and she wants someone who would be there for her when she had a tough day and just rest with her'.

The first thing that came to my mind was that maybe she found someone close to her who can be there for her... I understand that would be probably better for her but we love each other really and I just don't want to give this up.

We didn't really talk after this because she kinda broke my heart and I was mad, sad, confused and still in love. A friend of her told me that she doesn't understand why is she doing this now...she was so happy 2 weeks ago and why now?

Then her friend had a bday party and her friend told me she went to that party with the guy who was hitting on her.

My gf/ex idk what she was that time but she told me that, 'This guy is trying hard but I don't feel anything for him but I don't want to ignore him just like that because he will be her classmate for 5 years. That she doesn't want to hurt him'.

Of course I didn't know what to think because most people say that a girl only leaves her bf if she already found someone else. So yeah...

And that guy keeps trying, bringing her coffee at mornings, cooks for her etc..

 

Yesterday I talked to her and I told her I could go to poland and live with her, I could rent a flat and try how it will go, since she said the distance is the problem.

But then she asked me how am I going to find a job there, how am I going to pay my rent and etc... I get her point.

I just really want to be with her. I know finding a job in that city ain't easy but I want to try living with her because I know she's special for me. She's not an ordinary girl and I know she loves me back still but she's trying to move on because she can't see our future. Since I don't speak polish and how am I going to get a job if I don't speak the language. That city is full of university and lots of students are trying to get a job.

 

I know if I would move on would be probably the best for both of us but I just can't let her go. I really feel I finally found THE ONE, and this stupid distance ruins everything.

I could rent my flat in Hungary and pay my rents in Poland but she's still like... and how long are you going to stay? leaving your family, friends?

She things I'm giving up too much for her, but I keep telling her that it's okay for me because being with her is worth anything.

 

Yesterday we talked on skype and of course it felt great and I suggested that I can visit her next week if she is okay with that. Probably she wouldn't leave me outside but I had to ask. She said 'I don't think it's a good idea because we would probably get together again and when you leave I will feel the same and it'll be more confusing and more painful.

 

By the way once I suprised her by visiting her on her birthday. I planned this for 2 weeks and that day we were just skyping and I told her that " I have to go meet my friend, I'Ll be back later :)" She got a little mad that I left on her bday but of course she didn't know im visiting her.

 

When I got to poland her friend was waiting for me and helped me traveling there and I bought her bunch of roses and a parfüm as a gift. So around...11pm we got to her parents house and they told her to come out to the car because they have a 'heavy gift' , she though its a gift from egypt where her friend went. Then I popped out from the car and was like 'Surprise!' and gave the rose to her and she was so shocked and happy. She said it was the best gift ever. We spend like 1 week together again and I had to leave...

 

So basically we love each other but trying to fall out of love... I'm still trying and trying to find options to be together. I would have a job in germany from February but I would still try living with her in poland more.

 

Now she said she doesn't want to loose me and wants to talk to me as friend. To be honest, I don't think I can be just a 'friend'

 

Any advices what should I do? :/

Edited by Dahvid
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sheesh.... hard stuff.

 

For anything, the naked picture... tsk tsk. Who was it? Your ex? A random one night hook up? I would also be mad and thinking you're looking at that pic often or having some secret if I was your gf and found it on your computer. Even if you claim you didn't even know it was still there, could be easily misunderstood. You should have made sure your laptop is free of such things before giving it to her.

Now, let's move on to the main point... She clearly can't cope well with the distance. I think you should fight for her but yeah, the situation is not easy cause you dont speak Polish. HOWEVER, you could easily find a job as a Hungarian translator or tutor in a language school for starters to save up some money and maybe start learning Polish in the meantime? Plus you could rent your flat in Hungary. Are you up for it? No one said LDRs are easy so either you're fully in, with all consequences and hardships to overcome, or quit now.

 

Greets from Poland btw ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

It was a random picture about a girl from internet, nothing serious.I don't even remember if I downloaded it or someone sent it from my friends and automatically saved it. She said she was looking for some music on my laptop and 'accidently' found the picture under 'All images'.

 

I would do anything for her. It's just hard to find a job on the internet from here. I have to go there and look, ask around. If you could send me site or something that can lead me to these schools or something would be helpful. Yes, I can rent my flat and that money would go for the flat in Lublin. It's just that city 'Lublin' is full of universities and she told me it's really hard to find a job, and If I would study there... theres no schools starting from half year. I would do anything really because shes so important for me.

I told her I would go there and try to find a job because it's almost impossible from the internet. I have saved up money and I would spend it on renting flat in Lublin just to be with her. I rather won't buy expensive stuff but to stay with her. I'm not sure if she understands this or she really doesn't want me to give up all this... I met her parents, friends, even her cats and I really like them... all im telling is there is nothing that I don't like. It would be perfect for me. Even her parents accepted me, we talk english and I'm trying to talk polish with them.

 

I really feel that she gave up with me because of the distance... Yesterday for example I asked what would she do if I would find a job and live there...would she leave her new boyfriend if she finds someone else? she said if I would be in Lublin and I would have a job or something then she would even leave her bf if she finds one. I don't know if she's just playing with me or being honest. I would so visit her next week but she's already talking to me as a friend. I don't know...

 

And to be honest, I would just go there and visit her next week and stay with her but... she said it wouldn't be a good idea since she broke up with me and it would be 'weird' ??!! If she really loves me then I don't understand why isn't she trying to help me with this? She can see I would do anything but she's like... ehh idk.

Edited by Dahvid
Link to post
Share on other sites
It was a random picture about a girl from internet, nothing serious.

AH, now it changes my point of view completely. Then it's nothing bad, I also have lots of naughty random pics from the net on my comp and my SO knows about it :p So it comes down to her attitude to porn or whatever.

 

Anyway.

 

I will tell you that Lublin isn't that much of a big city, compared with the rest of those in Poland so you may have to consider other option, as in, live in another city. A good news for you is, there is a Hungarian Centre in Cracow/Kraków, a city which is relatively the nearest bigger one to Lublin and it's only 2 or 3 hours by train, as far as I know.

Here you have the link to their site, you can find an email there ([email protected]) and you can ask them if they need a tutor or something:

Centrum W?gierskie Kraków ul. Bracka 15

From what I could find on the internet, there's only one language school in Lublin which offers lots of various languages, probably Hungarian as well, and it's called BEST (link here: BEST Centrum J, you can find the email at the bottom of the page), but I'm sure that Cracow has more lg schools with Hungarian in offer.

 

 

You know, if I was you, I'd be pretty irrtated by her undecisiveness probably by now and I would give her an ultimatum, something like: 'I'm ready to move to Poland already to be with you but you're giving me mixed messages so I don't know whether I'm that important to you or whether you really want to be with me.... and I can't cope with it any longer so I'm giving you a few days/2 weeks/ a month/ [whatever you wish] and I expect a clear answer from you by that time. If you don't reply, I will read it as goodbye." - something like that.

Cause if my SO would say right now he wants to move over to my..... ok, wrong example cause I'm moving out to a different continent next year but if he said he wants to move in with me to the country where I'm gonna be, I'd be incredibly happy and would immediately say yes. I'm in LDR too so I know how hard it is. That's why it's hard to tell what your gf thinks but in my opinion it looks like she just can't cope with LDR itself cause not everyone is cut out to cope with it. So I'd say, try one more time.

 

EDIT: Ok, ignore my first link, it's a non-profit centre sponsored by EU and donations -_-

 

There is one lg centre which has Hungarian in offer but it's in Silesia region, in the south. ([email protected])

There is also at least one in Warsaw, the capital, for sure.

Edited by blugirl
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Today I just checked facebook and found out that she's in relationship with the guy who was hitting on her while we were together.

I think that's all. After 'break' 2 weeks she's already with the guy. WOW.

 

So disappointed.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I sent her a message because I got mad at 5am and couldn't sleep, and said ' How does it feel leaving me for a guy u know for a short time? i seriously though ur so different but at the end u end up like the other ppl used to do.. Sayin noo its not about a guy... of course it is. You were the last person i would think would do this to me. how f^^^in nice.'

 

I understand it might be stupid from me to send a message to her but I was so angry,mad, disappointed...

 

Her reply:

 

' I didnt leave you for Max, its your theory. If things were easier for us, if i were 100% sure your plan would work, i'd let you come. But i dont want to risk a huge disappointment, waste of money and time. i dont want to feel the discomfort because of you leaving everything for me. i will not repeat myself again.'

 

 

Is this the time I should finally give up? And let it go?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Her reply:

 

' I didnt leave you for Max, its your theory. If things were easier for us, if i were 100% sure your plan would work, i'd let you come. But i dont want to risk a huge disappointment, waste of money and time. i dont want to feel the discomfort because of you leaving everything for me. i will not repeat myself again.'

Really nice of her... :confused:

 

Is this the time I should finally give up? And let it go?
Yes, let her go. You need better.
Link to post
Share on other sites
Still giving great answers I see Blue. :p

And what was that supposed to be about :confused:?

 

I sent her a message because I got mad at 5am and couldn't sleep, and said ' How does it feel leaving me for a guy u know for a short time? i seriously though ur so different but at the end u end up like the other ppl used to do.. Sayin noo its not about a guy... of course it is. You were the last person i would think would do this to me. how f^^^in nice.'

 

I understand it might be stupid from me to send a message to her but I was so angry,mad, disappointed...

 

Her reply:

 

' I didnt leave you for Max, its your theory. If things were easier for us, if i were 100% sure your plan would work, i'd let you come. But i dont want to risk a huge disappointment, waste of money and time. i dont want to feel the discomfort because of you leaving everything for me. i will not repeat myself again.'

 

 

Is this the time I should finally give up? And let it go?

 

I.lack.words.

Yeah, confirms my theory, she's not able to handle it. Maybe not strong enough or as she simply stated, not willing enough to invest money, time etc for you. I think it means maybe she wasn't that commited to you in the first place because giving up my SO would be the last thing I'd resort to, no matter how hard it would be (well, it IS hard..... but I keep going on).

Let go of her, it's time to do that........ feel so sorry for you, mate *pats you on the shoulder*

Wish you really all the best for the future.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Why did she get together with the guy after the break up so fast?

I can't believe that she just wants to move on and thinks this is EASIER like this. It's so selfish. I feel like she really left me because of that guy even if she said she didn't leave me because of him, it might be an excuse. It doesn't really matter anymore but It keeps me thinking all the time. I hope she really tells me the truth.

Link to post
Share on other sites

While she was officially with you, she started liking the other guy. He has an advantage over you, as he's near, but if it not worth it, it's not going to last anyway. So they will just enjoy some time together, as she enjoyed some time with you. Nothing to be jealous about. Unless he tries real hard. But even then, she's gone. You will recover.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Too bad. I would've given everything for her. There was something in this relationship...haven't met and we already really liked each other because of what we saw in each other. When we met, we also had the chemistry.

I wonder if she will even miss me... since I stopped texting her. Trying to move on...somehow.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's what justwhoiam said plus him being a rebound, cause it's exactly his role now. I also think it won't last long.

 

Really sad :(

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

It's weird :/ there were 2 girls who were trying but I said no to them because of her. Even I knew LDR is hard but my feelings were very strong and I also though it's same for her. She doesn't talk to me now, never starts a convo, nothing. I'm guessing she knows exactly what she did to me and that's why she just don't even try to talk at all? Or is that normal if you dump someone after 2 years and go to a guy and just forget the guy who just became you ex?

Of course I am mad at her and I shouldn't talk to her but it's annoying me in a way that she's not even trying at all, not even asking how am I.

Probably she's also trying to move on and forget me but seriously, I'm thinking I was just a person for her while she was bored? wtf. Yet, some days ago she was asking about my new friends and asking about some girl who recently added me and sent me a gift in a game lol. Like in the old times when she got jealous.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Today was relationship Tomorrow could have been marriage and kids she so easily walked out on God just might have spared you from that heartache on time ...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
  • Author

Hey again :)

 

I'm sorry for bringing this up again...

So it's been a long time now. After the break up and stuff I talked to her normally like I moved on till Christmas 24th. We skyped and said Merry Christmas then I told her we shouldn't talk from now on. She chose someone else rather than me. So no contact has started until January 2. I was thinking about writing her on new years eve but I haven't. She sent a message on fb (happy new year:)) after 4 hours... I was like whatever, I don't want to be a jerk so I replied (happy new year for u 2). Then after some days we talked again like nothing happened before... Then I decided to delete her from facebook because I didn't want to see the guys posts on her fb.

Next day she sent me an email, "Oh, so I got deleted :> How old are we to do something like that? But ok, your decision. Have a great succesfull life."

I didn't reply.

 

Just tell me, did I do the right thing? Why did she get so pissed at me? Didn't she see this coming after breaking my heart? And I'm the immature for deleting her?

 

I'm moving on slowly, started to talk to a girl everyday and we'll see what is going to happen :)

Edited by Dahvid
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah you did the right thing. You're already over her. Why bother. Thus: No, not immature, her princess ego is hurt a little now, but she'll get over it too.

 

cheers

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...