DavidNarn Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 My girlfriend and I have been dating a year almost. Ten days from now. About a month ago she went away to college. Here is the positive- It really isn't as bad as i expected. She met a friend who also has a boyfriend that doesn't go to that college and they bond quite often over talking about us. And i go up there once or twice a week and stay 2-3 nights depending on my work schedule. we have so much fun together shopping, drinking, walking around downtown where her college is, laying in bed at night just being funny and making each other laugh while we try to keep her dorm roommate from waking up, have fart competitions and laughing so hard we cry. yeah dont judge lol we are a weird couple. Idk we are immature idiots and just joke non stop to each other about everything. but in a good way. We match up so well. I walk her to class and it makes her happy and she likes showing me off in public now that she is in college. she used to hate pda but now she just acts like "hey world, this is my hot boyfriend!" idk.. when im there im just so happy. The first time I ever came up and i had to leave we were both crying so hard outside of my vehicle and just holding each other cause we were afraid of our relationship ending/altering. That made me believe we were really in love. Here is the negative- So what is life like an hour away back home? It is hell.. I am really jealous boyfriend. But I haven't always been. My girlfriend is drop dead GORGEOUS. We hardly ever talk throughout the day like at all. she lovessss making new friends, and a pretty girl trying to make new college friends arent going to be females. she had already made like 5 guy friends she hangs out with. She knows she looks good and she DOES flirt. but not in a sexual way. she just likes the attention and it makes her feel good. I die inside when the attention isnt on me and its on another guy. i hate life when we arent talking and i know shes out with her guy friends and im just at home wanting to talk to her. We just dont talk when im not with her. Our communication now is literally 90% gone from what it used to be. idk what college is like since im just working. will this change when she gets used to college? i mean she is now a free woman after being in such a strict house with her parents. the only two people she would hang out with EVER outside of high school were her mom and i. i start thinking she maybe cheating on me now that she has all the time and freedom she wants. she had never hung out with guys till college... oh and the most horible feeling so far. is her drinking with these other guys. she gets really drunk.. she always remembers things though. she still knows from what is right and wrong.. i think anyways, from what i have seen. she said she still knows right from wrong when she is drunk but thats when she is sober.. before she left, i told her she should live the college life and do anything she wanted to do without worrying if i felt ****ty. i want her to have the freedom and i want her to do things without being held back from a boyfriend. the only rules we have for each other are cheating. i love her so much. she is my 3rd girlfriend but honest to god she is my first love. she helped reform me from a drug/party life i had before. once we started dated i was motivated to get somewhere in life. i got a job. i had reason to succeed. my hopes came back. i honestly think love was what was missing in my life. i do feel ****ty though. horrible. i trust her but i also don't in a way. she was like a caterpillar and now she turned to a butterfly with new wings. so much to do. so much to experience. so much to enjoy. It makes my heart sink bad. when im at home i honestly have suicidal thoughts because i am in so much pain. i go back and forth with faith in us. they arent SERIOUS thoughts but i just feel so horrible it just pops into my brain, i wouldnt in a million years kill myself. i just miss the old relationship where she lived down the street from me. not a 70 mile distance. i need help having faith. she has faith in us. wayy more than i. she told me that i need to have it because just my negativity can ruin us, and i already realize that, but i cant help how i feel.. i just dont want to feel so horrible. i wont see her for another week from now and im just dreading her going and drinking this weekend. the next time i see her will be our one year anniversary at least so that will be nice. but yeah. idk im rambling i just need help in this situation. and breaking up isnt an option btw. i 100% cant feel myself doing that. i cant picture life without her. i dont see a road without her. i dont at all. :confused: Link to post Share on other sites
Author DavidNarn Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 and she reallllly want me to move up there and transfer for my job and get a place about 10 min away from her campus with her friends BF i was talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 So what is life like an hour away back home? It is hell.. I die inside when the attention isnt on me and its on another guy. i hate life when we arent talking and i know shes out with her guy friends and im just at home wanting to talk to her. she had never hung out with guys till college... oh and the most horible feeling so far. is her drinking with these other guys. i do feel ****ty though. horrible. when im at home i honestly have suicidal thoughts because i am in so much pain. i wont see her for another week from now and im just dreading her going and drinking this weekend. I quoted all the overemotional parts so you have them all in one place and can see how this looks. It's not good. I want to tell you to just quit being so fragile (no offense, I hope,) but I realize it's much easier said than done. Your relationship is failing right now. And the only reason it's failing is because you're letting that little nagging voice in your head get to you. You said breaking up is not an option, so that means you really have to stop with these thoughts. Redirect the thoughts to something positive about her, or another happy subject. Read some self-help literature on jealousy and obsessive thoughts. If nothing seems to work, try counseling. Most importantly, though, it sounds as though you may have too much time on your hands. If you're not doing much with your free time and just counting down the days until you go visit her, then of course you're going to obsess about her since most of your personal life revolves around her. That's not healthy. Go out with friends, get some new hobbies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 i go up there once or twice a week and stay 2-3 nights depending on my work schedule. 3 nights twice a week? Really? Just rent an apartment there. It's easier... have fart competitions Oh, really? Pay attention not to fall into the friend zone. we are immature idiots I see. Nothing to be proud of... she likes showing me off in public now It doesn't sound that nice to me. Here is the negative- an hour away back home? She's an hour away? If so, this is not a LDR. she looks good and she DOES flirt. but not in a sexual way. I know no flirting that isn't sexual. Sorry. Even if it's just innuendo. Probably it's just not for me. We just dont talk when im not with her. Why? will this change when she gets used to college? i mean she is now a free woman after being in such a strict house with her parents. I saw that happening in hs. Repressed girls did crazy things when away from their parents, and most of the time they just didn't do the right choices, getting drunk and ending up puking. Sad. the most horible feeling so far. is her drinking with these other guys. she gets really drunk.. Ditto. i want her to have the freedom and i want her to do things without being held back from a boyfriend. That kind of message to me only means: do whatever you want and feel good about it, I won't mind. Pretty bad, if you ask me. Link to post Share on other sites
tvaldezcb Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 I have been in a similar situation before but it didn't turn out good for me. I suspected my bf of 3 years was cheating on me since we went to two different colleges. Long story short through this website called cheaterbus.com (they offer your signficant other a free service like free dinner at a restraunt and they see who they respond with who their date would be). Well turns out my bf made "reservations" with a name other than mine for his date. Turns out I WAS THE OTHER WOMAN of three years cause he had another gf for 7 years. Relationships are so complicated and I wish you all the best.....just make sure communication is there and you are trusting your heart. GOOD LUCK Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts