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Is she being disrespectful?


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As of recently, my girlfriend and I have been getting into arrangement's about communication.

 

She has a non-functional phone that often loses service, turns off randomly, and has a short battery life. Whenever her phone loses service or dies, it continues to ring until it goes to voicemail, rather going straight to it. Which often gets annoying and frustrating because it makes me feel like she is ignoring me.

 

On top of that, the other week, we got into an argument because she was going to hang out with a few classmates until late in the evening and told me she would call me after, which she did not follow through on.

 

I ultimately felt disrespected because she flaked on what she promised and hanging out with her classmates took priority. I called her out on that incident and she said it was not her fault and that her phone was having issues.

 

Today, she called me to tell me she was going to be studying and that she wont have any reception, but promised too call me a few hours after. Thatl was 4 hours ago and I still haven't gotten a call or text from her. It is now 3:30 A.M, her time, and I am not expecting a phone call or text at this point.

 

I've tried calling her a few times already and her phone just keeps ringing and goes to voicemail, which I'm assuming is dead or not getting service.

 

I feel disrespected once again and going to call her out on her actions. Am I over reacting or do I have a reason to be upset? How should I handle this situation? Please help!

Edited by skang
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I don't think you are thriving in a "long distance relationship."

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You need 'elaboration'...?

 

I think it's crystal clear.

 

It's not disrespected you feel.

 

You don't trust her.

You miss keeping tabs on her.

 

LDR is not for you, at least not in this relationship.

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This has nothing to do with keeping tabs. I never ask her where she's going and who she's with. Nor do I request that she calls me when she gets home. These are things she tells me and promises to do, but doesn't fall through on it.

 

She just called me back at 4:30 A.M. her time and said she fell asleep and saw my missed calls when she woke up to use the restroom. I called her out on it and she responds with the same thing she told me last time - her phone died on her and she was charging it and waiting for it to turn on and fell asleep. She was upset that I asked and said I don't understand how tired she is.

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If you know she has this awful problem with her 'phone, why are you not more understanding? Why do you incriminate her for something beyond her control?

Why not buy her a new phone?

 

I have to say, if I was your GF, I'd be feeling a bit disrespected, myself.

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As of recently, my girlfriend and I have been getting into arrangement's about communication.

 

She has a non-functional phone that often loses service, turns off randomly, and has a short battery life. Whenever her phone loses service or dies, it continues to ring until it goes to voicemail, rather going straight to it. Which often gets annoying and frustrating because it makes me feel like she is ignoring me.

 

On top of that, the other week, we got into an argument because she was going to hang out with a few classmates until late in the evening and told me she would call me after, which she did not follow through on.

 

I ultimately felt disrespected because she flaked on what she promised and hanging out with her classmates took priority. I called her out on that incident and she said it was not her fault and that her phone was having issues.

 

Today, she called me to tell me she was going to be studying and that she wont have any reception, but promised too call me a few hours after. Thatl was 4 hours ago and I still haven't gotten a call or text from her. It is now 3:30 A.M, her time, and I am not expecting a phone call or text at this point.

 

I've tried calling her a few times already and her phone just keeps ringing and goes to voicemail, which I'm assuming is dead or not getting service.

 

I feel disrespected once again and going to call her out on her actions. Am I over reacting or do I have a reason to be upset? How should I handle this situation? Please help!

 

You need to discuss this with your girlfriend, you can't go by opinions that are given here take the advice you feel is right in your heart....if you feel something, it is what you feel, you are upset,you dont have to ask for the right to be upset, only you know how you are feeling and that is validated by you.

 

the only one who can help you work through those feelings of disrespect is your girlfriend....and maybe a new phone is on the cards down the track, you could both chip in if it means you can keep in contact........best wishes....deb

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I know I could be more understanding.

 

But, all she has to do is walk up a flight of stairs, from where she is studying, to get to her room where she could charge her phone and get reception.

 

Edit:

 

She is getting a new phone that should be arriving within 2-4 weeks

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I know I could be more understanding.

 

But, all she has to do is walk up a flight of stairs, from where she is studying, to get to her room where she could charge her phone and get reception.

 

Edit:

 

She is getting a new phone that should be arriving within 2-4 weeks

 

 

I am happy for you Did you talk to her and tell her how you feel?

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I am happy for you Did you talk to her and tell her how you feel?

 

Yes, and she was upset about it. We didn't discuss much because she has to wake up for work in the morning, where she doesn't get ANY reception at all.

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Yes, and she was upset about it. We didn't discuss much because she has to wake up for work in the morning, where she doesn't get ANY reception at all.

 

Was she upset because you felt disrespected and it wasn't her intention to disrespect you?

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Was she upset because you felt disrespected and it wasn't her intention to disrespect you?

 

Yes, spot on. I know she isn't doing it on purpose, but its just so frustrating.

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Am I over reacting
Well, she's not pulling her hair to talk to you... That's clear. Keeping postponing calls with you because she was busy with something else, or her phone died, or she fell asleep or whatever, is not a good sign. I'm not sure why you put that in her hands. Scheduling is evidently not for her. When you feel like calling her, you call her. Obviously, if she's at the movies, she won't answer. But if she's just having a drink with friends, I don't see why she shouldn't answer. That is not ideal, because you wouldn't be alone with her and she can't devote too much time to you, but now and then it's better than nothing, especially if her schedule is really busy. But also, if she's in love with you, now and then she can give up meeting friends and spend some time with you. Which takes us back to my first statement (it seems her feelings are mild).

 

do I have a reason to be upset?
You surely do. She didn't keep her word repeatedly. And what's more, she didn't say sorry or called you at a later time, it was you having to remind her about what happened and why. So, don't call, don't text, wait for her to get back to you and see what she has to say. Chances are she will just act as if nothing had happened.

 

Why not buy her a new phone?
That's what I would have done if I knew she had no money to buy one. Otherwise I would have suggested she buys one asap. So now wait for the new phone. If the pattern continues, you'll know it was not the phone, it was just an excuse.
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Well, she's not pulling her hair to talk to you... That's clear. Keeping postponing calls with you because she was busy with something else, or her phone died, or she fell asleep or whatever, is not a good sign. I'm not sure why you put that in her hands. Scheduling is evidently not for her. When you feel like calling her, you call her. Obviously, if she's at the movies, she won't answer. But if she's just having a drink with friends, I don't see why she shouldn't answer. That is not ideal, because you wouldn't be alone with her and she can't devote too much time to you, but now and then it's better than nothing, especially if her schedule is really busy. But also, if she's in love with you, now and then she can give up meeting friends and spend some time with you. Which takes us back to my first statement (it seems her feelings are mild).

 

Well, she is in pharmacy school and is extremely busy. Prior to last night's incident, we were video chatting for a couple of hours and exchanged a few texts, so it's not like she completely blew me off.

 

She often tells me that she is madly in love with me and wants to be with me, and I have no reason not to believe it because before our long distance relationship she has invested a lot into our relationship (she took me to Hawaii, Cabo San Lucas, and threw me an extravagant birthday party all within a year span). In addition, earlier this month, she flew 3000 miles to visit and attend my friend's wedding, and just a couple weeks ago a I traveled to visit her.

 

You surely do. She didn't keep her word repeatedly. And what's more, she didn't say sorry or called you at a later time, it was you having to remind her about what happened and why. So, don't call, don't text, wait for her to get back to you and see what she has to say. Chances are she will just act as if nothing had happened.

 

She did act like nothing happened. She continued saying that I am making a big deal of nothing and that I don't understand her situation, but I feel like she could be putting in more effort, especially since she is saying she will call me back.

 

That's what I would have done if I knew she had no money to buy one. Otherwise I would have suggested she buys one asap. So now wait for the new phone. If the pattern continues, you'll know it was not the phone, it was just an excuse.

 

Yup, I told her I won't be accepting any of this behavior when she gets her new phone, and she agreed. So now I wait.

 

Replies are in bold.

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