DiSereNere Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 So, I typed in "long distance relationships" on Yahoo, and I saw this site. I was tempted to come here, and write about what's going with my LDR... Alright... About a couple months & a half ago, I started chatting with this guy who lives in Italy. We completely hit it off from the start. We have so much in common (music, heritage, love for soccer, among other things, etc.). It started off as a casual friendship. Now, I have been single since October (My boyfriend of a year and 1/2 broke it off)... and I was deeply hurt by this, because he was also my best friend (this wasn't a LDR). My friends (at the time) bombarded me with new guys, and I met lots of new interesting people, but sadly, none of them interested me. This guy (the Italian guy) and I grew close, and to my amazement... I realized I was falling for him... and falling for him deep. I told him, and he told me he loved me, too. We talk everyday, except on Saturdays because he goes out of town to his house (he lives near his college). We see eachother on the webcam, and talk on the phone, too. I'm completely shocked that this happened to me (I have always thought LDR were for older people looking for love on the net). But, this happened, and this has gotten pretty serious. I'm going to Italy this summer to see him. This, and my plans for college (before I even met him) were to go to Milan... and I have one year of high school left (I'm a junior) & I've even taken up Italian lessons. We have even spoken about marriage. Well, I think I made this long enough... sorry. I just wanted to say this. I'm just counting down the days (72)... anyone have any advice on keeping my sanity? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 You need to put yourself in check, lady!!! You don't even know this guy. You don't know what he looks like in three dimension. You only know what he's told you about himself. You only know the chemistry. And he was perfect for you because you were out of a relationship and you didn't want anything going where you could get hurt so you chose somebody long distance over the Internet. Until you have dated him, in person...in the flesh..., for at least a year don't be letting yourself fall all over the place. Get to know him in person, get to know his family, and most of all get to know yourself. You are incredibly young and you have lots of time to make big decisions on marriage and relationships. You may be setting yourself up for great disappointment....or it might work into something nice if you decide to move to Italy permanently. My biggest piece of advice is to calm down about all this and don't put so much energy into something you've never seen or touched in person. There is simply no way you'll know how all this is going to work out until you've been around him a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiSereNere Posted March 19, 2004 Author Share Posted March 19, 2004 I know exactly what you mean... but this is deeper than a childish crush, or a fantasy. In less than 4 months, I will have him in the flesh. I have gotten to know him so well... his personality is incredible... When I realized what was happening, I flipped out myself. I couldn't imagine that this <i> this </i> would happen to me. My mother knows about all this (we're close)& she noticed that I was acting all different, and what not. I've changed because of all this... and this wasn't even because of the breakup... I'm over him completely... just miss his friendship. I have to admit, I'm very mature for my age, and I know what I'm doing... and I know what you're thinking right now (ALL TEENAGERS SAY THAT!).. but well, you're right.. <i> most </i> girls my age will claim to "fall in love" with a guy because of his pretty face, most guys my age want sex. I'm not into any of that, I've passed that childish stage. Thanks for the advice, though... I know the marriage part is a bit ridiculous to discuss, but he's the one who brought it up, not me. I know for a fact that I'm moving to Milan permanently, and well.. the only thing I'm worried about right now, is getting to him, and I guess.. we'll see how things go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 I'll second Tony's opinion. No matter how well you think you know somebody, you really need the real-life experience to know if you mesh well. The reason you love this person is that you only know the good stuff about him. You haven't driven with him to see if he's a road rager. You haven't observed him interacting with others - and it's been a VERY short while. We humans seem to be predisposed to fall for people quickly. I think it's sweet and a sign that people are always filled with hope, but reality is that you just can't get to know someone that well that quickly. Try to roll back your feelings and expectations. With luck, he'll be all you hope he'll be, but often this does not work out well. If you planned to go to school in Italy anyway, then do so but don't uproot your whole life for him until you've spent a good deal of time together and confirmed in 3D what you believe to be true in two dimensions. Link to post Share on other sites
BabyBaby Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 Hey, how old are you actually?? And how much you know about him?? How can you "love" someone when you don't even know him enough??? I think it is very problematic that he told you he "loved" you, i don't trust him at all. You guys have met for only few months! You have to be very careful of this guy. If you had planned to go to Italy before you met him online, and you would like to meet him in person, fine, but have friends go with you, don't go there alone!NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, good luck, if anything goes wrong, call the police!!! And run!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiSereNere Posted March 19, 2004 Author Share Posted March 19, 2004 I'm 17. I know enough about him. And about the "How can you "love" somebody when you don't even know him enough?"... I'm only human. Don't we all love? Thanks hun, I will be careful, I always am. I plan on taking my friend because she's an Italian American, and I thought it would be a nice experience for her. Haha, and if anything does go wrong, I shall call the police. There are just some risks you gotta take in life... Think of it this way: Let's say I were to date a guy here in Miami. He's an amazing person, shows no signs of any bad qualities, etc. Okay...so we're dating 6 months... he becomes abusive, and obsessive, etc. It can happen to *anyone*, regardless. Tony's reply said something along the lines of you have to be dating someone for a year to fully know them... I personally think, that there are no "invisible rules" for getting to know someone. However, you can never fully trust someone, in the flesh or not. I've seen marriages broken up, and countless relationships, as well. Speaking of the devil, my friend I am taking to Italy... her boyfriend has problems with the FBI. She's been with him for 3 years and a little more. These problems with the law have just surfaced. She had to change her cellphone, and many other things that I will not say on here. She never imagined him to be this way. Now tell me... do you understand where I'm coming from? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 Dear. I am a ways past 17. I have twice taken up with fellows from the Internet. At least once, I fancied myself 'in love', too. He turned out to be alcoholic and abusive. This is simply not something you can possibly know online. I have met several people from online acquaintanceships. Many have turned out to be quite different from the impressions they gave at a distance. The one I met most recently was exactly as I expected, but that doesn't always happen. I have spent quite a bit of time analyzing how it is one can think themselves 'in love' at that distance. My answers do not come from theory but from life experience. The same thing has happened to lots of people. Yes, sometimes these situations work out, but very often they do not. Now tell me... do you understand where I'm coming from? Everybody thinks they know everything about the world at the age of 17. Then you experience life, which teaches you that the world and the people in it are far more complex than any human can understand in a lifetime. It's good you're taking a friend. Meet the guy at a public place the first couple of times. BE VERY CAREFUL. Women have also been kidnapped and murdered by their online 'loves'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiSereNere Posted March 19, 2004 Author Share Posted March 19, 2004 Even if you know someone in person, they can still turn out to be abusive and an alcoholic. Age does not mean knowledge. Yes, I agree, you experience "life"... work... more responsibilities, etc. But one cannot judge someone solely by a number. To look at someone as naive or judicious based on age, on my opinion is pure ignorance. My father has never "grown up"... he never had responsibilities and he retired at 51. He spends his time traveling the world, and partying. The only thing he ever gave me was a name. If we look at.. hmm... let's say a teenage mother, who doesn't have her baby daddy at her side, and had to quit school and work. Who would you say has more experience? My dad who always had everything he wanted at the snap of his fingers, or the girl who's going through a tough time? In fact, this example might seem too biased coming from a teenager. I hope I'm not too bold in making this generalization: Almost all mature (older) people are opinionated. Most adults look at kids as unsophisticated beings, and most kids look at adults as pretentious nuisances who are only there to annoy us. This being said, I doubt I can change your mind on the way you think about people my age, furthermore teenagers in general... but don't underestimate people due to their age. I know this might not happen the way I want it to, but I have the hope, and like I said, this is a risk I am chosing to take. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 The point is simply this; every one of us, when younger, thought we knew what we were doing and came to grief because of an overabundance of confidence in that regard. As soon as you understand that you don't know nearly as much as you think you know, you can go forward in the world and be safe. It's in thinking oneself impervious that one is most likely to encounter harm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiSereNere Posted March 19, 2004 Author Share Posted March 19, 2004 Not necessarily... that can happen to adults as well. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone is overly confident with their knowledge and desicions at some point. I'm not claiming to know the world, but I can't deny my own intelligence. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 everyone is overly confident with their knowledge and desicions at some point. yes - when they're around 20 y.o.!! (give or take a couple of yrs) -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiSereNere Posted March 19, 2004 Author Share Posted March 19, 2004 Are you kidding me? Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 19, 2004 Share Posted March 19, 2004 young people tend to be overly sure of their knowledge and understanding, in my experience. later, they realize they aren't as wise as they thought they were. i'm not denying that there're exceptions, as with anything. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiSereNere Posted March 19, 2004 Author Share Posted March 19, 2004 What about... bad investments, bad marriages, bad jobs, bad careers, bad buisnesses, etc?!?! Your argument is flawed in the sense that ANYONE can be overly confident with decisions at ANY time, age, or point in their life. Big or small decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 people make MISTAKES (bad marriages, etc) their whole lives. but it's the young people who have the least doubts about their decisions, IMO. until you're burned a few times, you're less cautious and weary - it's natural. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiSereNere Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 I will agree with you this time around (not fully), but... take into consideration that: 1. Some people never learn. & 2.People who aren't experienced have the least doubts about their decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 no absolutes, certainly. but - even those who don't learn to change their ways, do learn to fear the results of their actions... and some of those who aren't experienced have doubts - but they're less likely to have them than the experienced and burnt ones. good luck with your italian man! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiSereNere Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 I agree. Thanks! xox Link to post Share on other sites
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