How often do you talk to your other half in a LDR?

[honeymel]

Is it normal to talk only a few times a week? My boyfriend is very stressed with work and trying to buy a house. He also has told me from the first time we met that he isn't much of a talker. Before we were long distance sometimes he was kind of quite on the phone also. We have been together 10 months, and 4 long distance. 6 months into it he got a job in another state and moved.

[d'Arthez]

You need some time away from each other, and have your own lives. Talking 3-4 times a week, with some "backup" emails, and such should be sufficient. Even more so if he is not much of a talker.

[HeavenOrHell]

I don't think it matters what is normal, it depends on everyone's circumstances, including time differences, what matters is whether the amount of communication is enough for you.

 

Me and partner talk on the phone every day, now and again we don't if we're very tired or having an evening out, we talk on skype every day, but not for hours on end. We're only an hour time difference, it would be harder if the time difference were bigger.

My partner is a quiet person and doesn't like phones, so I like that he makes the effort to call so much. But your bf has been honest with you from the start that he's not much of a talker, so I guess you have to accept that's the way he is and that it's nothing personal?

 

Bear in mind he's stressed as well, which means he's probably tired and won't be feeling talkative.

 

But you do also need to see some effort from him.

 

How often do you meet up, how long will you be LD for?

 

 

Is it normal to talk only a few times a week? My boyfriend is very stressed with work and trying to buy a house. He also has told me from the first time we met that he isn't much of a talker. Before we were long distance sometimes he was kind of quite on the phone also. We have been together 10 months, and 4 long distance. 6 months into it he got a job in another state and moved.

[honeymel]

Thanks to both who answered so far. So far I have seen him once in the 4 months he has been gone. I'm in Ohio and he is in Georgia. I'm not sure who long it will last right now. He's talked about me moving closer to him, but it hasn't come up in a while cause he though for sure he was going to get a house.

[d'Arthez]

That is a relatively limited distance for an LDR. If you can't move closer (due to life commitments; moving without the prospect of having a job to pay the bills would be a recipe for disaster, especially with the economic situation what it is) it is important that you get to spend real life time together on a fairly regular basis.

[NOsuchthing]

Wow you went from living in the same place to only seeing him once in the 4 months he moved? That must be hard for you My boyfriend and I only get to see each other once ever 3 months or so but he lives in a different state and then works in an entirely different state. We talk every day unless one of us is in a mood or is extremely busy or stressed out but even then we still text. But like someone else mentioned, you guys need to figure out what works for you. And be honest about it too....Nothing worse than being afraid to ask for what you want and then letting your mind and interests wander off to someone else who is right in front of you...unless that's what you want.

[LittleTiger]

We've been in a 12,000 mile LDR for nearly 3 years and we talk on skype for an hour or two every day, plus brief phone calls and frequent texts - but there have been times in the past where contact was much less frequent for various reasons - lack of money, lack of time, too much stress and even problems within the relationship.

 

What's right for one couple is not necessarily right for another because every person is different and every relationship is different.

 

If you are not happy with your level of communication then that is clearly a problem for you and is something you need to discuss with your boyfriend. Compatibility is important in all relationships, but compatibility in communication needs, or a willingness/ability to find a good compromise that suits both people, is absolutely essential in an LDR.

[Vintage79]

Is it normal to talk only a few times a week? My boyfriend is very stressed with work and trying to buy a house. He also has told me from the first time we met that he isn't much of a talker. Before we were long distance sometimes he was kind of quite on the phone also. We have been together 10 months, and 4 long distance. 6 months into it he got a job in another state and moved.

 

 

I was in a LDR not that long ago. I was in Minnesota, she in Chicago, and we'd try to see each other in person every 3 weeks...the flight was pretty easy, and it only cost a few hundred $ - although, to be fair, we both make/made a fair amount of cash, so that was like a drop in the bucket.

 

Regardless, oftentimes we'd only talk once a week for 30-45 minutes. I had previously been in a LDR (several years ago for a few months), and we'd talk every day. It depends on the people, the needs, etc. Basically, do what's comfortable - if the other party needs more or less, try to be accomodating - as long as things are reasonable for yourself and you really want things to work out.

 

Best of luck...

[TragicAlliance]

I'm in the US and my fiance is in the UK. We talk pretty much every day. I bought an iPhone strictly so he and I could message during the day without stacking up insanely high phone bills and Skype is a staple for our daily communication. Admittedly the time difference is insane - 5 hours - but we make it a point to pull it off if at all possible... if one of us doesn't message the other at certain times throughout the day, the other immediately fires off a message to make sure things are okay.

 

There again, my fiance and I are both rather large cravers of attention, which may explain why he'll pull all-nighters and I wake up in the dead of night so we can share some time together...

 

Kinda depends on how much attention you and your partner both want that will determine how much communication is "too little" or "too much..."

[Cathster]

I've been in two LDRs. The first one I was in, we spoke at least once a day, if not more.

 

In my current long distance relationship, we speak probably about twice a week. We at least try to use other methods of communication for the rest of the time - texting or e-mailing - but that tends to be only once a day or every other day. It does however mean that I appreciate the contact I get from him that much more!

 

Are you unhappy with the amount of communication you are getting or is it just that you are worried it is not normal? Because it is definitely relative to the circumstances. As Vintage79 says, you have to try and accommodate each other, and find a good balance you're both happy with. If he doesn't like talking on the phone much, can he send you e-mails alongside phone calls a few times a week? I appreciate any contact from my boyfriend, whether it is a call or even just a text message.

[pettie]

In my experience, the amount of communication gradually increased over time as our relationship became more serious and as we got used to the distance and different time zones. We spent a short time together before I had to leave.

 

At the moment, we are connected almost everyday, but a few weeks ago we were having some problems with the internet connection, so we are using the phone daily and talk anywhere between 10min to 1 hour, depending on our moods, how busy or tired we are. We are not much into texting, so we use them occassionally, perhaps 2 or 3 texts a day if we can't use the phone or none if we know we are talking later.

 

There have been periods in which either of us had been very busy with work and skipped a day or two, but then got back to the other when possible. We generally let the other know in advance, if we were going to be *that* busy.

 

On the other hand, you reach this point, when talking daily after a while into the relationship, when you enjoy sharing trivial and mundane details of your day (let's be honest, exciting things don't happen everyday!) and this short conversations are as fullfilling as a long, deep one.

 

In any case, we have adapted to the other and even when we are still learning how to communicate better, I think what made things easier for us is that we were clear from the beginning in how much was "too much" or "too little", and understanding the other has things to do too, be it have some free time for oneself or be it work.

[shorty7]

Lots of good responses here.

 

It really depends on the stages of the relationship, and communication methods that work for one couple don't necessarily work for others, so you have to consider that what works for you is something you two need to figure out together.

 

My international LDR started when we'd been dating for 6 years already, with 1.5years of 3-hr drive away LDR already under our belts. So aside from our 16/17-hour time difference, we were already used to adjusting our talk-time schedules to "whenever we can manage to do so."

 

Some couples like writing to each other, others manage with a short "hi hon, had a busy day today and I'm exhausted! hope your day went swell, gn!!" text at the end of the night.

 

For us, when I was in school for our shorter-distance LDR (same time-zone, same state, 3 hour driving distance), we Skyped/gmail chat whenever we could and talked at least an hour everyday at night, but the frequency and length of calls diminished as we both got busy with schoolwork.

Currently the frequency of calls are about 1 to 2 times a week and maybe 1 to 3 texts daily, just enough to let the other party know they were being thought of. Emails are pretty much used only strictly to discuss business or more serious planning matters.

[Peanut9330]

We talk on the phone every night and text all day long. I agree with what everyone else is saying it all depends on the couples needs on how often they talk. Me I would be totally miserable not talking to him everyday I miss him so much and getting that time with him is really important to me. Others however can just chit chat a few times a week and maybe on the weekends spend more quality time together.