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Advice on moving in together so soon???


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Me and Robert have been chatting on-line going on 1.5 years now. We recently met a few weeks ago for the first time. It was magical. It seemed like everything was perfect that weekend and neither of us wanted it to end. I also have 2 small children and they both took extremely well to him also.

 

We live about 2 1/2 hrs apart and want to be closer to each other. Do you think it is too soon to take the next step?? He is everything that I want and I am everything that he wants.

 

We both feel that it is worth trying for. Our families slightly disagree, but it is our decision right? not theirs?? He said that if I chose not to move in with him he will move closer to be with me.

 

He is just so amazing and I believe that fate has brought us together. I know that we would be able to wait for our families approval.....but I want someone else's advice???

 

Please help!!!!

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2.5 hours is nothing... Why did it take so long to finally meet face to face?

 

We all know people that have a normal weekend relationship that is hours and hours apart.

 

Somebody, the one without children usually, has to drive more than the other.

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He is everything that I want and I am everything that he wants.

 

Yeah, I found me one of them. Problem was, along with the things I wanted came a whole bunch of things I absolutely did not want. You really need to spend a lot of 3D time with a person to find out whether or not the person who initially seems ideal is all that fabulous on closer inspection. If he wants to move to your town - great but don't move in together until you have spent a lot of time in each other's company.

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Kay,

 

I'm speaking as someone who's been in your situation before. Don't move in together until you're on the eve of marriage - especially if you have children. Things look rosey now, but they can always change unexpectedly.

 

I had a ldr for about 19 months before moving into my ex's house to live with her and her 5-y.o. son (great kid). When we moved in together, I think we soon realized that all of the things we thought we had talked about were not resolved. We eventually discovered we were different people at different places in our lives. Things happened along the way that brought some of those differences to the surface. We ended up drifting apart, and it was painful.

 

I'm not in any way trying to say that because my situation failed yours will too - I wish you nothing but the best, and I think if you are careful, you two can develop a healthy relationship. But one thing I learned the hard way is that if two people aren't really that good for each other after all, moving out is messy (I presume you've been divorced, so you already know this). It's also very difficult on the kids because they will attach themselves to the other person if the relationship is good.

 

What I'd do is take it step by step. Never forget what's in the best interests of your children. First, get to know the guy. Date him a few more times before even thinking of moving closer together. If possible, see if you can't get him to move rather than uprooting your children and moving them away from their family and friends who are familiar to them? When you move, I wouldn't move in together, I'd move closer together, but again, save the live-in relationship for marriage.

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It is far too soon to think about moving in together. Also, do not up-root your children and move closer to him - allow him to move closer to you and see as much of each other as possible. Allow him to meet your family, go through the holiday seasons, the stressful moving times, the money issues, the job finding, the too tired for sex the ugly sweaty grouchy baggage carrying times together. Then and only then will you have an idea if he's 'the one' for you.

 

View all the virtual things you know about each other as just that 'virtual' (as in, almost but not quite real) the good stuff may be real but at the moment try and be sensible for your heart's and your children's sakes.

 

I would agree with Neonink that it is somewhat strange that it took you both a year and a half to negotiate a 2 1/2 hour journey but now you have, count your relationship as starting from the day you met in the real world and wait for the 'magical' 'everything I've ever wanted' stuff to wear off. When you see all the issues and hangups, the daily c*@p that you hate and still feel you love him, then you'll be on your way.

 

Six months to a year is reasonable especially as you have children to consider. Don't make ANY major decisions while you're both in this floaty, rose-tinted just about as wonderful as can be, phase, therein danger lies.

 

r.

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