luvcrazy02 Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=darkblue][/color] Here's the thing...before I started dating my boyfriend, I was browsing in the hotornot website, and after we started dating I was going to delete it, and he got curious about the site. He told me he wanted to post himself on there to see if anyone would click on him. It seemed like there wasn't anything wrong with a little curiousity. After awhile, his rating wasn't going up. Periodically, I checked his rating to see if it was going up, and he knew and gave me permission to do so. One night, I was trying to check his rating, and he had changed his password. I knew his password to his aol account, and I told him that night that I was going to get his hotornot password emailed to his own account, then I would get it from there. He told me okay. When I did that the next night, I found a personal email that had been sent to him by hotornot. I knew that the only way he would have an email like that, was if he was clicking on girls to say "yes to meet". At first, I was just curious...then a feeling of betrayal came over me. I felt as if he was shopping around. As I just stumbled across the email, I decided to open it. He shouldn't have anything to hide if he's giving me his passwords...and I was hoping that my assumptions were wrong, and I wanted to check so I could stop feeling the way I was. I opened it, and it was an email from a girl telling him all about her, and asking him to write her back. It came with her picture, and she possing in a very provocative way. Not to mention that she wasn't very attractive in my perspective...but then again...I've seen his ex's, and some of them weren't either. I did not delete the email, cuz again...I knew it was HIS email. I did confront him that night about it. I asked him if he was shopping around and what his intentions were to be clicking on other girls. He told me that he just wanted to make new friends. I asked him, "Do they have to be all women? Why can't you make some guy friends?" He told me that he gets along better with women. I expressed to him that it made me very uncomfortable that he did that, and he threw the whole trust thing at me. He said that if I trusted him, this wouldn't be a problem. He pretty much refused to stop doing it. One of these girls lives about 4 hours away, and after about 2 weeks of this incident, he decided that in a couple of years, he may want to move out to that specific town where he use to live before he met me. It just makes me really uncomfortable, and I don't think it's right that he do that if he's expressing to be in a serious relationship. He even has gotten me a "promise" ring....so I'm wondering what exactly is he promising if he's doing this? I need some advice on what I should do about this. This situation has never happened to me before, so I am uneducated. Please give me some advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Wildchildnsc2 Posted February 17, 2004 Share Posted February 17, 2004 It sounds like this guy is just taking you along for the ride. It seems that if he really wants to move to the town where one of his correspondents live then there's something awry here. Sit him down and tell him that you do trust him, it's just that with everything you've recently learned, the trust is fading. Tell him that if he is promising to hurt you for the rest of your life with that promise ring, then he should keep the thing. You don't deserve this kind of stress. So show him that you're a woman of the new millenium. Tell him that you don't deserve this kind of treatment and you want answers. You're a fearless female, start acting that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenix Posted February 18, 2004 Share Posted February 18, 2004 Man, a guy can throw the trust issue around all he wants, but the fact is that trust has to be earned and kept, it's not just a given. You say you've checked his rating, have you read his profile? Does he say on there that all he's looking for is friendship? And did he ask you to move with him? Seriously, you need to check the facts here. Gut feelings can be dead-on, though, so go with that. And let him know that trust isn't a given in a relationship! Trust is a beautiful and delicate thing, and it isn't just handed out like candy! The fact that he's using that line to try and excuse his behavior is the most fishy thing as far as I'm concerned. Good luck, girl! Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvcrazy02 Posted February 19, 2004 Author Share Posted February 19, 2004 My boyfriend and I had a long talk. I told him about how I felt about the Internet thing, and he told me that all he wanted was to have other people to talk to...and he prefers women. I told him about this website, and he got excited and agreed to delete his hotornot "meet me" thing, and to just come on here and talk about what he needs too. I went to see him yesterday and I was going to break it off, and he got really upset. He actually did the "ugly cry". We are on a break right now, and I'm wondering what's going to happen. I'd like to try to explore giving him a chance to fix things...should I? He talked about working on some things that allow him to easily get irritated and frusterated. Should I give him a second chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Benedict Posted February 19, 2004 Share Posted February 19, 2004 How long have you two been together? For me, having some history together goes a long way. If this happened early on, on the other hand, I would bail now and cut my losses. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 19, 2004 Share Posted February 19, 2004 If he wants to chat with females...he can go to a chat room. Posting on a 'date site' is a little bit of a stretch. Maybe he just did a goofy thing. I'd forgive him the one time.....and the one time only. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvcrazy02 Posted February 19, 2004 Author Share Posted February 19, 2004 I talked to him some more today, and he asked me to go and delete the "meet me" part of his account. He told me that he just needs some time to figure things out and get some direction. We're suppose to go out of town for the weekend in a couple of weeks, and he asked me if I was saving any money to go. I told him I was, and he told me that he was glad cuz he planned on having everything worked out by then. We haven't been together for an extremely long time...about 4 months now. He told me that he wants to get things figured out now, rather than later down the road. I guess you could call it "nipping it in the bud". Link to post Share on other sites
dreamyluv7 Posted February 23, 2004 Share Posted February 23, 2004 I would have to say that because this guy was on a dating site online-may mean that he is just keeping his options open for new possiblities. But- I guess since nothing is black and white about this issue- to talk to him about and tell how it makes you feel. If he really cares about you- he will understand and probaly take his name off the DUMB dating website. It's hard- if this is a gut feeling that he is doing something wrong then I would advise to move on before the relationship gets more serious. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvcrazy02 Posted February 23, 2004 Author Share Posted February 23, 2004 Originally posted by luvcrazy02 I talked to him some more today, and he asked me to go and delete the "meet me" part of his account. dreamyluv7, Just thought I'd mention what I said that you're replying to. He already did take his name off of there. As to today.....the break has been lifted. Yesterday, he decided to cut the break cuz he figured things out. So we're back together now, and so far so good. He decided that he was taking things for granted and that he's sure of what he wants...and it helped...him going out with friends for a few nights. We still saw each other "some" during the break...we just didn't cuddle or anything...we kept it simple. Things are great right now...he hasn't even come to any kind of site lately. I told him to come here and he hasn't yet...but he is staying away from those dating sites. I'm still keeping my eyes open though, and I told him that he has to proove himself to me again by treating me right and communicating. He didn't seem like he had a problem with it. Thanks for all your help guys! Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted February 24, 2004 Share Posted February 24, 2004 You are way too good for this joker. I think you should think about what he can do for you in the future, or is it just a waste of time? You need someone who will guide you, love you, and not play games with your heart and mind. Give him the boot and find a better guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts