Potential Online LDR, complicated by fat anxiety

[mander]

Hi, all. Just a quick request for advice or opinions....

 

I just met a guy, via an online dating service, who seems to be a great catch, so to speak. He is interested in my career field (and not many are, except other archaeologists), asks insightful and interesting questions of me, and seems to be in a similar mindset (recently changed careers to follow a more fulfilling path, after leaving an annoying and unfulfilling job).

 

The main potential problems I see are:

 

1. I am a full figured/fat girl (I'm 5' 9' and 230 lbs.), despite the fact that I do actually go to the gym and work out on a fairly regular basis and I spend a lot of time outdoors, hiking in search of archaeological sites. I have posted a full-length photo that shows all my flaws, and to which the person in question said "cool pic!", but I am apprehensive about the eventual possibility of meeting him in person, because of my size. I don't usually think badly of myself because I am large, but I am worried that my statement that I hit the gym regularly (which I do, in fact) will be translated as "I am a skinny/small sized woman", which I am not. Like I say, I am not unhealthy or adverse to exercise, but even if I were skin and bones skinny, I would still be much larger than your typical walking skeleton. I wonder, in everyone's general opinion, how much people tend to misjudge the proportionate size of a person based on their photos, even if the camera is said to add an extra 20 lbs. Has anyone ever agreed to meet a person based on their apparent looks in a photo, only to find that no matter how honest that picture was, the person was just too big in real life?

 

2. I live in New Mexico (temporarily), and I am probably moving to Colorado or Missouri in the spring. He lives in British Columbia. Can anyone point me toward some advice on potential long-term, international relationships? Have such situations ever worked out for others? I may be pinning my hopes on a phantom here, not least to mention the fact that I may be moving to England next year, but he is the first person I have met (both online and in real life) that I have actually been interested in for a long time.

 

I guess I was just wondering what the general opinions are. BTW, I am 29, he is 30.

 

Thanks for your opinions,

 

Mander

[dyermaker]

Is telling him explicitly, "I'm overweight" out of the question?

[morrigan]

As long as the photo was a realistic photo of you as you currently look, the ball is in his court. When/if you two do meet, you will both undoubtedly make comparisons from the photo to the real person. Be confident of yourself--so you're not physically perfect, but then who is?

 

I've known friends who became involved with someone online and later met. It's in my opinion a 70/30 chance that it won't work out. There are cases of people fully lying not only about their appearance, but also their biographies. Sometimes, however, someone who is stimulating in an online relationship is less exciting in person. They may have mannerisms or characteristics that are unobserved online. They may look just like their photo, but there is some kind of physical chemistry missing.

 

There is also the chance you will be relocating in the future, and that often will put a strain on any relationship you have. The best advice I can give is to have a good time, enjoy some dates, get to know eachother, but don't jump into this with full expectation of a long term relationship. Best of luck!