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LDR story (very long)


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americaand asia

2000 summer holiday, i was still in college, met this guy online, he lived in Washington. Like many online relationship, i wasn't planned to find a bf online. He random chatted me, and we started to chat almost everyday. Our chat went on for a year. I found that we had alot in common, both of us are asian, though he lives in America. I can't describe the feeling i felt for him, not that kind of crazy love. Anyway, after we had talked for quite a while (like almost a year?) we seriously planned to meet each other in person. I live in East Asia, he lives in America, it will take me almost 20 hours flight just to meet him. I decided to meet him in Washington State. Before i met him online, i didn't even know all the states of America. Then i needed to meet a stranger, one i had never met before, i didn't even have his solid picture, he sent me his picture through email though. I don't know where i got the courage to meet someone like that, somehow i felt that he wouldn't be a bad guy. i was probably lucky, I met him in the airport, i didn't really know how he looked like, but since i sent him alot of my own pictures, i believed he would regonize me. Stepping out the gate, I saw quite alot of people, I was afraid, "what about if he doesn't like me?" "what about he thinks i'm ugly?" "What if i don't like him?" I didn't look at the crowd, I just dropped my shoulders and kept walking, looking back the gate i just walked through, i was scared. Someone touched my right shoulder, it was him. I didn't regonize him at all. Not that he was ugly, or his face changed, just because his face was so ambiguous in my brain. I dropped my head, i could feel there was a fire burning in my body. I looked at him for a second and smiled (i think i did) and dropped my head again. He gave me a sign of helping me carrying my backpack. i gave it to him, he carried it and we waited the train, i saw his hands, i always wanted to hold his hands, i wanted to know how they felt. I don't know where i got the courage, i grabbed his right hand with my left hand , my head was still down... i knew he looked at me and smiled. We got on the train and sat down, he hold my hand up closed his chest and hold it tight, my head was still down. we got off in the wrong station, i got lost, he turn his head sideway and looked at my butt and gave me a whistle. i felt kind of embarrassed. we were holding hands until we arrived thee airport parking lot. I sat down on the passenger seat and he helped me put on my seat belt. i felt my heart jumping out. Hours of driving, we went ack to his apartment, i flashed the toilet after using it, but somehow it got stuck, for some reason, he knew i had problem in washroom, so he walked in and fixed the toilet, i was so embarrassed! After a while, he finished, and i took a shower because i spent a day on my flight without cleaning up myself. i was nervous, i knew what would happen. it was late night. After taking a shower and washed my hair, i walked out, the room was dark, because he just turn on a lamp only. he was already in bed, not naked, waiting for me... I was kind of freak out, i kept drying up my hair and avoid looking at him. Eventually i needed to go to bed. It wasn't really a bed since he just moved in that apartment and had no furnitures, he just got a sleeping bag. We slept together , i turn my back on him and slept sideway,and i don't know how long we been on the same position without moving. i could feel his breath. then he put his left hand on my waist and not moving further. I thought for few seconds and i pushed away his hand. he put it back there again. then i pushed it back, and he put it back. we repeated that again and again. eventually i gave up, since he was not moving further, i let him be. minutes later, he moved his hand down a little bit, not yet arrived ,my private area, just above my butt. and i pushed his hand away again. my heart was beating so hard, he could feel my hearbeat, then he asked "You've never been with guys?" and i said "No....." then he put his hand back on my waist, and i pushed it away again. Then he stopped. I thought i eventually could sleep. then later, i felt a hard stuff touching my butt, i didn't know it was his important part, but i thought it would be. for a while he didn't tough me. and i was kind of wanting him toughing me again, and i told myself, if he touched me again , i wouln't reject him anymore. he touched me again, and since i was not pushing him away, he started moving his hand downward, and started taking off my underwear... i was nervous and scared at the same time. I let him took off my underwear, i couldn't see him much since it was too dark. but i could see his important part got erected , i had never seen that before. though i was scared, i asked him if he got a condom, he said no, and then i said we couldn't do that without that. he paused seconds and kept doing............that's my first time withhim. It was July 2001, i was 21. I spent about a month with him, 4 times longer than the duration i decided to stay. We went to many places. i was waiting for him to get off work everyday, and in the weekends, we went sight-seeing. He treated me good. The time came and i got on the flight and went back home.

 

We kept in touch by sending email and talking on the phone, of course IDD is expensive. a year later, we decided to meet again. August 2002, i graduated from University. After having dinner with my classmates and teachers, i got on the flight and went to Washington, to meet him again. Like the first year, he picked me up in the airport and we went back to his apartment. everything there seemed the same to me, i felt familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. he was talking on the phone with his friend, i stood there waiting for him. i couldn't helped grabbed his hand and put them around my waist. That was the thing i always wanted. After a while, he finished talking and put down his cell phone, and he grabbed me to his bedroom. Then we did it. At first i resisted a little bit because i didn't want to do it that quick, i wanted to talk. but i couldn't stop him and myself. after that, he told me if i wanted to find another guy, please let him know. i don't know why he said that, might be because i resisted a little bit or i told him about a funny guy on my flight , sitting next to me and we chatted on the whole trip? i don't know. i was heart broken. I cried and cried, asking him why he did that to me, why he broke up with me, he was looking at the ceiling, said he wasn't dumping me. he said i deserved a better guy, treat me better. I was heart broken. after a while, i told him that i would forget what he just said to me. then i dressed up and walked in the kitchen and i pretended nothing happened. Then nothing seemed wrong. I first met his niece, she was 6, he loved him like she was his own little girl. I got jealous whenever they got time together. I felt that i was ignored. One day, i ran out from his parents and sat on his car and cried. He and his niece and his dog found me eventually. He was kind of lost and mad at the same time. He drove me away and we stopped in a parking lot and we talked. he told me to find another guy who would treat me good. i asked him why, he sighed and sighed, asking me what could he do for me. he couldn't do anything for me. he told me if i wanted to come over to America, i could marry to somebody here and got divorced later, i was heart broken once again. i don't know how long we had been talking, and i don't know how much tears i dropped. i asked him if he would miss me , he said yes, he cared about me. i said i couldn't forget what he had said to me earlier. he drove me back to his parents, that night, we slept on the same bed, i cried. my heart was never been hurt like that, i felt so sad, so sad, so sad......... i asked him if i could hold his hand, he said yes. i hold his hand, thinking that it would be my last time holding his hand. i hold his hand for a long time, i was sleepless, then i elt tired, i let go his hand, i thought , i should let go our relationship as well. Next morning, we went to sight-seeing on schedule. I was sad, i heard a song in a store "I will always love you", i cried. We arrived the mountain, i was out of shape, i couldn't walk long, i breathed hard. he stayed behind me, watching me. i wanted to hold his hand, just for little support, and i would soon leave, i wanted to stay happy, even he broke up with me. i hold his hand, he hold my hand, we climbed the mountain....... i was happy. We went to bar with his friend at late night, we still hold hands, we were like we were bf and gf again. we went back to his friend's house, i took a shower, i thought, we were fine again. he was waiting for me in the bedroom, we did it that night. I told him that i loved him, he was silent. Next day, everthing backed to normal again, i felt that we became even closer. I spent almost 2 months there. When the time came, i went back home once again.

 

So, it was like repeating the thing we did in our first year, IDD, email and stuff, i couln't believed that we could stay together after that. 23 July 2003, i successfully got a month day-off from my boss, i could spend 1 month with him. like the past 2 yers, i was very very happy with him. i knew him much much more. Time had come, i was supposed to leave Washington, but i didn't leave, i called my boss, told her that i wouldn't be back, i quit. She was mad, very very mad, i was sad, i know i let her down. She let me quit. i stayed with him for 6 months, 6 months... my best friend was not agree with my decision, i understand, i know nobody would agree. So, i spent 6 months with him, we saw his 2nd niece to be born. We spent time together changing her diaper, we fed her , we played with her. His parents eventually got chance to talk to me in private, they couldn't talk to him because he wouldn't listen. they asked me to marry him, stay in america and work, get marry and have kids. I didn't know how to respond. I do love him, i do want to stay with him, i do want to spend the rest of my life with him. but we can't do anything now, the timing is just not right. He just got his career back in track, he needed to focus on his career. so, the 3rd time he sent me to the airport. he told me not to cry, "You will be back, right?" he asked. I was silent. Now, i'm in my country, looking for jobs in this bad economy. because of my family background, i will soon be homeless. I'm frustrated. I called him, and left a message that i would soon be homeless. He called me back, encouraging me not to give up, if everything went wrong, i can always go back to his, there is always a place for me to stay, the only worse thing is that his puppy would bite me. he would pay my plane tickets and everything, is it a promise? a commitment? i don't know. no matter what, it's nice enough just to hear that he made such statement. I think i got what i wanted to get. Today, i called him, i had nothing special to tell him, just wanted to hear his voice. for the past 2 years, he just caled me twice, i called him most of the t ime. This year, for the past week, he called me twice, i know he cares about me, alot. But, i can't rely on him, or increase his burden, i want to work in America, find a job and support myself. I know, i need to do so in order to keep this relationship. He has never asked me to stay directly, but he thinks i better off work in America, earn more money. And about our future? we've never talked about that, maybe i probably know what he would say: career. career comes first, and family too. I won't force him, i just want to stay with him in america, so we could get to know each other more. Would it be a dream? Alot of people , even my old boss told me that LDR won't work, that i better off find another man. No, I won't give up. For those couples who are few hours or few states separated, i think if i were them, i wouldn't care much, i would drive hours everyday just to meet my bf. i only wish me and my bf is not separated by an ocean, i wish we were only hours drive away ...... Good luck to all of you who are in LDR. My story is too long, and some of the content might be too erotic. I'm sorry.

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Dear americaand asia,

 

You're right your story shared more information than was probably needed but to be honest, I have to admit I have a hard time believing you, maybe that's just because I don't want to.

 

I don't want to believe a young girl will fly to meet a stranger on the other side of the planet based on a fuzzy picture and some emails.

 

I don't want to believe she'd leave her family and travel without even a companion from home arrive and sleep with with a guy (who refused to use a condom) within hours of meeting him.

 

I have a hard time with a three year LDR with no promise of marriage or commitment from a man who has never made any effort to travel to meet the girl's family or bring you to him permanently.

 

You have wasted three years of your life. Stop contacting him and see if he makes an effort to come and see YOU next time. In the meantime, find a job and date other men, men that respect you and are serious about committing to you. If you want to make a new life for yourself in America do it on your own, based on work experience or your education. Forget this man, if he loved you he would have committed to you THREE YEARS is too long! Stop it now, he doesn't love you!!

 

Sorry,

R.

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