IvyPrincess Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 I spent some time today reading the messages posted on this website. My problem is not nearly as bad as some other people's problems who have their loved ones living 2000 miles away. But I am still a bit hurt and would like to share -- it would be nice to hear what other people have to say about this. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. We are both in college but he is graduating soon and will be going away to a grad school 3.5 hours away. I am a year younger, so I obviously can't move with him until I get my diploma. I understand that 3.5 hours does not sound like a lot, but it is a lot for me because I am so used to seeing him every day and spending time with him. And I am so proud of him -- he got into one of the best graduate schools in the country! But I can't stop feeling sad about him leaving me soon... I think about this every day and it hurts so much. Although we are very close and talked about spending the rest of our lives together, I am not sure if I am strong enough for a long-distance relationship. This may sound wrong but I really do need him to be there for me, to support me, etc. Afterall, we spent so much time developing this incredible closeness in our relationship... it hurts to give this all up. I tried talking to him about it but he just says that I have to trust him and that there is nothing he can do. Of course, he is right. But what am I going to do when he moves away and meets all these new people? I get so jealous of his female friends here, so I am going to go crazy if he starts developing friendships with women in graduate schools... I already feel quite insecure. And although I love him more than anyone can possibly imagine, I feel like my jealousy and insecurity will be problems in our long-distance relationship. I am afraid of getting hurt. I am afraid that he will seek advice from female friends about our fights (which are inevitably because of this tremendous jealousy problem of mine) and they will tell him to end the relationship. I am afraid that he will meet someone who is nice and doesn't get jealous... Wow... Feel free to tell me what you think. I would appreciate any kind of advice. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 Originally posted by IvyPrincess Although we are very close and talked about spending the rest of our lives together, I am not sure if I am strong enough for a long-distance relationship. This may sound wrong but I really do need him to be there for me, to support me, etc. Afterall, we spent so much time developing this incredible closeness in our relationship... it hurts to give this all up. If you aren't strong enough for an LDR, don't see this as a weakness. There are people who just *can't* do it, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has different emotional needs, to some extent. If your needs are physical presence, the LDR thing doesn't look like it's going to meet those needs. Plenty of people can't do something like this, it's an interesting relationship arrangement that demands imagination and sacrifice; plenty of people sign on for these relationships, prolonging heartbreak for a very long time. Jealousy and insecurity are common in any new relationship, to some degree. That doesn't make them healthy, though. And they are certiainy not conducive to an LDR, where there is no physical presence or impression to quell such feelings. Read around the site for ways to deal with insecurity and jealousy. Then, do some heavy introspection, and determine whether this relationship is right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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