Mary3 Posted February 3, 2004 Share Posted February 3, 2004 Would anyone here care to define love versus infatuation ? I now feel my bf was just infatuated....I have shamefully suggested * friends with benefits * to him just to see if there is anything left.... Why do some people ( me ) act so desperate and pathetic ...for more emotional hurt ...ie: kicking around my feelings......knowing that person does not love me anymore...He says he does but unfortunately his actions are not the same as before....he is shutting me out...it hurts tremendously......can't even begin to tell you.... I did read alot today regarding infatuation and needed to face the truth....I would appreciate any advice Link to post Share on other sites
Vivid_29 Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Mary - 'I love him/her because the sex is outstanding!' This is an example of infatuation. Infatuation is kind of like, lust. Whenever you are together, you hope it will end in intimacy. Infatuation means that we need to get married, right away cause I don't trust you and I'm afraid that I'm gonna lose you. Love means takes time and patience. Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He/she feels your trust, and it makes him/her feel even more trustworthy. ~V Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 If he says he loves you, but kicks you around and shuts you out...well, who even really cares? Not only do you want someone to love you, you want someone to treat you right and help you feel good, not sh***y. The real question should be, not "Does he love me?" but "How does he treat me?" I'm sorry to hear of your pain. I am confident you will be stronger than what you're feeling now. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
BlockHead Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Mary3 Real love requires effort. Infatuation is effortless. It is an emotional experience. Real love is self-sustaining and it will last a very long time. Infatuation usually lasts for three months or less. It gradually fades away. Infatuation can lead to real love, and it is usually necessary. Mary3 kicking around my feelings......knowing that person does not love me anymore...He says he does but unfortunately his actions are not the same as before....he is shutting me out...it hurts tremendously......can't even begin to tell you...Maybe you were infatuated with him, but I don’t think he was infatuated with you. I think he could be emotionally unavailable. Maybe he used your emotions to his advantage. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted February 5, 2004 Share Posted February 5, 2004 I think there is an minor infatuation/excitement phase at the start of every relationship. But through time, you grow out of that and develop an affectionate, trusting, sexual, respectful accord with someone. If they don't trust you or respect you, or ignores you to "punish" you, I doubt I'd take their feelings seriously. Unlike infatuation, when you love someone, you don't idealize, you don't rush things, you see them as a person with their own needs, that they're not perfect. There is always a tiny amount of selfishness in love, but when you're infatuated with another person, you put them on a pedastal to live up to your ideals and feelings. It doesn't last in the long run, because it's your creation, not the real person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary3 Posted February 9, 2004 Author Share Posted February 9, 2004 When I was going through this terrible pain I pleaded with him to try and see what we had.. ( we seemed to have it all...all that you would want in a romantic loving relationship, I should have suspected his fantasy would crash ) Which in reality was : me feeding his ego and keeping him happy...when I said one unfavorable thing he gets upset and just shuts me out. Now of course it is too late and I have ended my feelings... Its for my own peace of mind.....He seems to have lately been confused by my backing off and seems to come towards...if only he knew my thoughts now lol Thanks everyone Link to post Share on other sites
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