Move on or..

[1234i]

Okay so, to give you the "shorter" version, I've been talking to a guy for over 6 months, we met more than one month ago. Everything went great, everything was amazing, but.. one week after he got back home, I started to feel.. that he is a bit distant, I just couldn't feel cared for anymore. So.. we started arguing, a lot.. I broke up with him because I had enough. He got even worse after that (of course), and everything just went to hell. We then "made up" but decided to stay broken up because we didn't want to rush things like we've done so many times before.

 

Now, it has come to the point where he is so cold towards me that he doesn't want to talk to me.. mostly because he want to sort things out, because he doesn't know what he feels towards me anymore, or is rather, not sure. He says that talking over the net is not enough anymore, that after we met, the distance just got to him, he said that being in person with me and talking to me over internet is just not the same, he said.. "if only we were together"..

 

I could just give him more time to sort his feelings out but.. I've given him plenty of time, it has been very hurtful, all of this, hearing him say some things.. I just can't handle it anymore, I simply have none time to give him because I've come to the point where I'm being physically ill over this out of all the anxiety. I feel sick contantly and I have panick attacks even when I'm not thinking of him. It feels like it has set something off inside of me. I feel completely shattered because going from an amazing weekend, falling in love, to only get hurt like this so shortly after.. I can't take it :/ And when I say hurt, well, there is more to the story than I've written here.

 

So, yesterday I told him all of this and I said that it's time to just end it.. if he feel cold towards me already, or can't handle the distance so shortly after us meeting, then, what's the point? I feel wrong to do so but I know that if we keep going like this we will just get more hurt, or rather, me, since he is feeling numb right now. He show no interest in us. He is just.. "I need time, I need time".

 

I'm honestly not sure what to do here, I love him, I want to be with him, I can take the long distance if it means we have a future together some day, but he is not sure and that hurts me a lot that I would rather, at the same time, just end it so I can move on. So, what do you guys think? Is there anything left here or am I holding on to something that is gone?

 

(And I need to add that, our long distance, we have more things to add that makes our relationship even more complicated. I can't visit him because of my family, we live in different countries, we don't have the money for him to keep visiting like this (flight+hotel+lots of other smaller things), it's just too expensive to meet and after all of this, I can't trust him because he wasn't truthful with me (as I said, there is more than I have written here))

[TaraMaiden]

You absolutely nailed it on the head when you said -

So, yesterday I told him all of this and I said that it's time to just end it..

 

Where do you both come from? (Just interested in the 'cultural' angle, here.....)

when was the last time you actually physically saw each other, and were together?

Realistically, when would the next time be?

 

(And I need to add that, our long distance, we have more things to add that makes our relationship even more complicated. I can't visit him because of my family, we live in different countries, we don't have the money for him to keep visiting like this (flight+hotel+lots of other smaller things), it's just too expensive to meet and after all of this, I can't trust him because he wasn't truthful with me (as I said, there is more than I have written here))

 

Wow!! This isn't 'even more complicated' at all! If anything, it makes everything so much easier!!

 

Change your mobile number, change your email, and that's that.

What's complicated about burying something that sounds as if it actually died a while ago?

 

Don't cling to something intangible, or that is really far too much effort to sustain.

And believe me - when the trust is gone, it's irreparable. You can 'patch it up' but just like a precious piece of broken porcelain, you can see the damage, it's irreversible - and it's never as beautiful or precious, or valuable as it was in the beginning.....

 

You can't fix this on your own, and he doesn't seem like he wants to.

How much more time does he need? Why? To do what?

His communication is poor and vague, and designed to keep you hanging on.... for what, exactly?

 

And are you prepared to carry on like this for.... however much more 'time' he needs....?

C'm on honey, you know where this is going, right?

Nowhere......

[1234i]

Where do you both come from? (Just interested in the 'cultural' angle, here.....)

when was the last time you actually physically saw each other, and were together?

Realistically, when would the next time be?

 

He lives in england, I live in sweden. I'm not swedish and my family is religious (I'm not though, so that's not a problem between us) and that's why he can't stay with me. Last time was the beginning of February and one week later, the arguments started. We were talking about April, not sure though, the costs are crazy.

 

 

Meh, I don't know, he is pretty much ignoring me right now, after I told him that I want to end it he just said "dumping me twice?" and I haven't heard from him since. And I don't want to just move on now because I'm.. scared? Tried staying away from contacting him yesterday but ended up sending him an email in the middle of the night. It's like you said, his communication is vague and I don't know what he wants so that keeps me hanging on. When we didn't talk for a few days, I asked him if he missed me (just to try and understand him a bit more), he just said.. "I missed talking to you, but I feel "turned off" towards you"....

 

And when it comes to trust.. well, he lied to me about his ex because he "didn't want to hurt me", which is a pretty lame excuse to me. When we broke up, he contacted her to thank her for screwing things up between us? (she cheated on him, something he also left out).. It makes me believe that he is not over her, but he says that he is, me "dumping" him just reminded him of that and he is not even thinking of it now. I really don't ******* know, what if he is lying again to not hurt me?

There was also other things that he lied to me about, smaller, but I really just can't handle dishonesty. What other things is he lying about? is all that goes through my mind.

 

I feel so lost right now lol.. He is being so selfish.

[TaraMaiden]

in a nutshell - and this really is a crazy kind of 'diagnosis'...

 

You're his rebound relationship - and he has control issues.

 

that's why he keeps insisting he wants more time. Because that puts him in control.

He's not emotionally equipped to deal with another relationship at all, right now, Let alone a LDR.

 

He needs to get his **** together - and he needs to recognise that, because otherwise, with the baggage he's carrying - he's going to poison everything he touches.....

I know it sounds weird, but you have to really end this, once and for all - as much for his good as yours.

 

He really can't cope with the heady mix of emotions he's going through at the moment, and TBH, it sounds like you have enough to deal with, insofar as your family is concerned.....

 

When we bring 'baggage to an already burdened relationship, it's almost like sounding the dearth-knell.

 

You need to treat yourself well, put yourself first and take control of your life.

there's no stigma to being alone - it doesn't mean 'lonely' - but sometimes, we really need a whole lot of 'me' time, before it's either healthy or wise, to become 'us'.....