Should I stop loving him and really move on?

[archana]

Should I stop loving him and really move on?

More detail:

 

I fell in love with this guy...whom I met in a social networking site. He was actually my classmate and we had many-many common 'real' friends. I met him only once. He is the most amazing guy I have ever known. He loved me as much as I did. We planned our future together. It was a dream come true for him and for me to have met one another. A year after this relationship which was long distance throughout...I had to leave my country and come to USA to do my masters. The long distance became much longer. We did manage perfectly for the next 6 months..but later on we had issues coming up. He was settling in his new job and had his own problems and I was in a country 8,000 miles away from my home and needed him more badly. He felt pressurized and I felt ignored. He did his best and I was just in my worst situations of life...and needed more tme from him. Things kept on going worse...and we had bitter fights. The worst part came when he started abusing me and saying really really mean and dirty things. I was losing myself and I was LOST.

 

After one succh bitter fight....One day..I did a real big mistake. I became sort of intimate with one friend..who wasnot even a close or good friend. It was not for a long time and No I did not sleep with him. I was really lost and did what ever I did with a blank mind. I know what I did is a mistake and I do not support myself for what I did. The next day..I told my BF whatever happened and how sorry I was and that he could punish me in what ever way he want. That he could break up with me if he wants to...But that I just truly love him and only him.

 

My BF just could not take it...he scolded me more..called my sister and told her everything and he stpped speaking to me.

 

A month passed...I was begging him to forgive me and he was avoiding me. For him I no longer existed in this world...I just couldnot take it any longer and One day I took an overdose of tylenol.

 

Yes, I was once again not thinking what I was doing. And this is the second big mistake of my life. I was in a foregin country in ER and then in ICU...it was my sister who had to endure all this **** i made up for myself. When my sister called my BF and told him the situation...He never called me back. It was my sister who supported me inspite of knowing the stupid things I did before.

 

A month later I went o my country and tried contacting my BF but he was no longer interested to even answer my call. As I said I no longer existed in this world according to him. He called me names and would go into the abusive mode and say things...I couldnt imagine anyone saying. But still a part of my heart loved him and believed hw ould forgive me..that things could be normal.

 

Its been almost 7 months now...He doesnt talk to me or would only have few abusive words before cutting my call.

 

I know I should not be disturbing him anymore..but I really really love him.

 

My question now is...should I try to move on..or is it alright to still love him knowing that things will never work out between us. Just love him all my life though I wont share my life with him????

 

Note: I am not a *****. I did a mistake..I am ashamed of doing it. But I dint intent to hurt anyone. I do have values and morales. I always dreamt of having a family of my own..a loving husband,,and a sweet home. The fact that I ruined everything with own hands makes me depressed..but thanks to the support of all my wellwishers...I am still alive and I totally respect my life.

 

And that moron with whom I was intimate doesnt exist in my life....

[codoer22]

Hello, I have no past experience with a similar situation, but that doesn't really matter. Advice is advice.

 

Anyways, I'm going to start off by saying that you need to do the best you possibly can to get over him. I'm not sure how emotionally attached you are, it seems like you really are, but it would be best for you to at least really give it a shot to get over him and move on. When talking to him, all he really dishes out at you are hurtful things and it wont help your emotional state at all, if anything it will make it much worse. I know what it's like to be told horrible things by a loved one and it's just nothing you will want to deal with...

 

Being a guy, I can understand why he would be really upset with you.. But I also understand your point of view too. He's pissed because he wanted to be with you, and you showed him that you don't really care...(even if that wasn't your intention) But he wasn't giving you much in return when it came to the relationship, so you extended your emotions in a different direction. That was definately the breaking point in your relationship.

 

I think that if possible, you need to explain yourself once and for all to him. Explain your feelings and don't hide anything..and if you don't get a chance, just give it up and try to move on. It's a hard thing to accept but that's what you would need to do. It's not worth the emotional harm you've already been caused.

 

I know that I would dive in front of a train to be with the one I love, and someday I will be. If it is THE most important thing in your life, go for it. But if you think you can move on, you should do that too. Where is your heart?

[archana]

Hey!

 

Thank you so much for your reply.

 

I know that..I can't justifiy or give any excuse to prove that what I have done is right. Because I am aware that it is a mistake and something that I couldn't have imagined to do ...ever.

 

Our relationship was on rocks since a couple of months before I did what I shouldn't have. I don't blame him or myself but wish I was stronger and he was more caring instead of avoiding my calls.

 

I told him everything that happened the next day ....And since May 4th to Dec 16...I have been trying to call him..mail him and do my best to tell him how much I love him and that I din't mean to do what I did.

 

but he is still mad at me..and he still calls me names and things..I never expected him to say.

 

Maybe he moved on..maybe he is stubborn ....

 

I always believed that he loved me more than I did and that he would never leave me..now all that is left for me is to wonder why I am living this life.

 

I appreciate your advice...I am trying my best to MOVE ON now..because there seems to be no other option

[archana]

Hi,

 

It's been a little over 4 years since my break up with T. I wanted to write an update post about what's going on in my life and so on. So, here it is...

 

T and I broke up after that incident. I did try for an year to get back in contact with him but he was not interested to pursue any sort of relationship with me. I was hurt for two years or so but eventually I learnt to let go and focus on other important things in my life namely school, career and people that truly love me.

 

I would be lying if I tell you that I do not miss T. I think of him sometimes but no longer miss him or feel hurt like I used to. The last time we texted one another was a couple of months ago. He said he has a new girl friend now. Knowing that he was in a relationship somehow made me feel good. As though I could finally let him go and live my own life.

 

Though I planned a different life for myself 5 years ago, which mostly involved T and our happy little family and blah blah..I am happy for the way my life turned out to be. It is challenging at times but...I love it as it is.

 

I am now doing my Phd in a really nice university, made new friends, rented my own apartment and in a very happy relationship with myself. I am closer to my elder sister and my family more than ever....one reason being they were the ones who always had my back no matter what situation I have been in.

 

I will be visiting India after 4 years in two weeks. The last time I visited, my whole goal was to meet T, get some closure over our break up and move on. But as I said, T moved on the day I told him about the incident and neither has spoken to me or met me when I was i n India.

During my visit next month, I do not plan to make any attempts to meet him........I think we both moved on in our lives in different directions and are more happier without each other in our lives and it is better left that way.

 

If there is one thing I could advise the 4 year younger me, that would be to....TRUST INSTINCTS AND BE INFORMED ABOUT ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS.

 

I hope you learn something from my experience or maybe at-least know that, the end of a relationship need not be the end of your life.

 

Cheers,

Archana