Long Distance Update

[Ashbash11]

Hey guys!

I haven't been on this site in ages! I hope everyone is doing well. I thought I'd just send along an update for those of you who have been following my long long distance journey

 

As you know, my boyfriend and I spent last year living together in CA, while I was completing my internship and he was still working at the observatory..

 

Well.. fast forward to the present. Things have changed quite a bit! I just moved back to the east coast about 1 week ago. I got hired at a great job in Massachusetts. It was a hard decision to leave my boyfriend behind in CA, but I felt that it was the best choice for me, in terms of my career AND my mental health (all of my friends/family are back east, and I'm happier here). As for my boyfriend, due to funding cuts, he received a layoff notice. His observatory job will end in about 1 month... YAY!! However, he has interviewed at 2 jobs- one in Baltimore, MD and the other in Berkeley, CA. There's a chance that he will get 2 job offers, but he seems to be leaning toward the Berkeley job.. Go figure.

 

So.. we are back to square one: doing long distance from MA to CA. The job I have is only a 1 year contract, so I have flexibility in terms of where I would work next year. So, if he's still in Berkeley, I'll try to get a job out there again (even though I already tried- CA is bankrupt..). Or, if he's in Baltimore, then maybe I'll end up moving there. I have to say, though, it seems that I am always the one moving around.. I wonder if this saga will ever end. Has anyone else done long distance for 3 years? :sigh:

[Els]

I have no idea where each location is and which is closer to you, sorry.

 

But, uh, why is he leaning towards the one that I assume is further (since you mention long distance)?

 

TBH, I think this long-distance thing is always going to be a potential part of your lives for as long as he works in his career. The locations in which he can work are so limited. Only you can decide whether it is worth it or not, because more often than not you'll probably be the one following him around by virtue of being the one with more options.

 

Good luck, and great to hear from you again.

[TokyoG33kyGal]

it's all been said before, you can make these choices:

 

- remain long distance and you get what you want (stay with your friends and family) and he keeps his job being an astronomer

- you again move in with him (but that means being away from your friends and family)

- he moves in with you (which is unlikely)

- you both move on and possibly find the person that suits your living preferences

 

of course being long distance is not the best solution as we all aspire to close the gap. and breaking up is not something you want to do. but at this point, the denial has been long overdue. your priority is your family and friends and his is his job. maybe if you both prioritize your relationships, you could come up with the solution. someone really has got to give. i also find it odd that you are happy about your boyfriend getting laid off.

 

p.s. i know you hate me but people here cannot tell me that i have not experienced this kind of setup. i did but i knew right away what i have to do. my husband is a fire marshal and with his little years of experience he cannot just go job hunting and give up his job. my job has more demands elsewhere than this place and i was also established when i left japan, that was my comfort zone. but we all have to give up something sometimes for the ones we love. we cannot have it all.

[creighton0123]

Square One is right. You're still in the very same situation you were in months ago, albeit in a better place where you have more support outside of your SO.

 

I do have to agree with TokyoGal. While the two of you may prioritize the relationship, you don't prioritize ending the long distance aspect of it. He is laid off and instead of using that as an opportunity to prioritize ending the distance, he is using it as an opportunity to further his career while maintaining the distance.

 

Did he take any time to look at jobs in New England in his career field? There are quite a few sources of potential employment in MA, RI, NH, VT, CT, or ME.

 

At some point in the near future, you are going to want an end-point in mind for when one of you will make whatever sacrifice is needed to bring the two of you together. If that doesn't occur, you'll face the unpleasant task of ending the relationship and moving on...

 

Don't forget that there are three options:

 

1. You sacrifice to be with him.

2. He sacrifices to be with you.

3. You both sacrifice to be with one another.

[Ashbash11]

Well, guys, my boyfriend just got hired for the job in Baltimore, Maryland (which is about a 7 hour drive from where I live). So, we are moving closer to the end result that we have been waiting for... We are now only a short plane ride away from each other, and I know that it will be MUCH easier to get a job in Maryland than CA.

 

Tokyo gal- I was happy that my boyfriend got laid off because his job had very difficult hours and his boss did not treat him well or respect him. They also cut his pay down to 75%, and he deserves much better than that. I don't even know why you mentioned this.

 

Thanks for all the input. I feel good about our situation now, and I think things are moving in the right direction. The job I currently have is only for 1 year, so I am going to start looking for jobs in Maryland very soon.

 

Thanks again.