polka_dot_pixie Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Hello, Basically my boyfriend of 10 months (although we have known each other 4 years and been on/off for nearly 3) left to study abroad for a year about 6 weeks ago, but things had been rocky for the past few months, I had been increasingly paranoid, and as the time has progressed have snooped on him more than a few times. When he left we were on good terms but he didn't have internet access for about 2 weeks, however I found he had been going on youtube and facebook (I'm not on facebook but I can log into friends' accounts and see his) so i disbelieved him, we've had sketchy communication for the entire time, but I finally went and visited him almost 2 weeks ago. As soon as I got there I was moody with him for all the communication issues, it turned into fights constantly throughout the weekend with me admitting the various ways i had snooped and found things like that. When i complained about his not speaking to me he said it was because we never talk anymore, it's just me having a go at him about various girls, and now i've gone to this level of snooping on facebook when i don't even have an account, that he feels he isn't in a relationship anymore. However i thought we had fixed things, we arranged on our google calendars twice a week where we would chat, we spoke about me visiting again, and when he gets back at xmas, and even still spoke about next easter and what we could do. However since I've been back home he has missed every skype date we set, only for the first one he missed did he come online the next day and give a reason, he has ignored the 2 emails I've sent in the week and a half i've been home and the one txt i've also sent. I guess I just don't know what is happening, I feel like he wants to end it but I don't get why he didn't when I was visiting him. The more I sit and think the more I feel that I have myself to blame for a lot of it, I'm considering sending another email tonight fully expressing how sorry I am for the snooping I have been doing and how I want to fix it, but I know his moods and I'm not sure if he just wants his space and me sending that will make him worse. I need some guidance, I do love this man more than anything, but I no longer know if I am just reading too much into things or if he is just trying to take a cowards way out....? I'm sorry for the bluntness of this, but our history is far too long to write out in one message, so if any more information is required please just ask. Feeling very sad. Link to post Share on other sites
creighton0123 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 You are smothering him, even at a distance. Put the green monster back in its cage and recognize that you are treating him with a fairly decent amount of disrespect. Stop the emails. If you want to salvage this, you'll have to wait until you can have a face to face conversation, whether over Skype or in person. And pick your battles. You can communicate with him about the problems you two are having without turning it into a fight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author polka_dot_pixie Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 I know I have been smothering him, one of the main problems is that I lost my brother to cancer 2 months before he left which has made me overly clingy but I know that, and he knows this too. And his leaving but only providing very little communication really got to me. However now, following on from the above, he has still missed all our arranged skype dates, he sent me a text 4 days ago saying simply: 'sorry I wasn't online. I had other people to talk to.' No kisses or anything, unsure of how to reply I went with the best option of just 'okay ' because I know he is currently meant to be studying for exams in a week or 2, but I've not heard anything since, I haven't tried, I've left myself on skype incase he feels he wants to chat but he hasn't bothered. I feel like I need to maybe accept that he's taken a cowards way out? Surely me being a bit too worried and jealous would not make him be so nasty towards me? Link to post Share on other sites
Confusedbroken Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Well I think that maybe you should give up for now, he seems annoyed right now, I know it's hard but try to just leave him alone and when he has time he will think about it and maybe realize how mean he has been, because even though you have been clingy it gives him no right to ignore you. I think that all you really can do is give him time. I'm sure he's still pissed that you snipped around, hopefully you don't do that agian, it only leads to trouble! Link to post Share on other sites
Author polka_dot_pixie Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 I did forget about it, I sent no emails or texts, even when our skype date rolled around again and he wasn't on - as usual - and then a few days ago I got an email from him apologising and saying he'd been very busy with work and his family visiting (but yet not too busy for facebook...but anyways...) and that he would be on this weekend to chat, he must've been a bit drunk because he attached some pornographic images to the email, he then sent me another 2 emails after that both of a sexual nature but this time about us two and included 2 photos of himself... 2 days later a parcel came for me, he'd ordered me a few sex toys, an invoice came with it and in total he'd spent £35 on them all and ordered them at 1pm so seems like he soberly ordered them, this isn't something unusual by the way, he frequently buys us things to try and experiment with, so I'm not 'prudish' about these things.. Anyways, I waited 3 days from the original email before I sent a casual reply back... That was yesterday, so far no reply. Am waiting to see if he shows up on Sunday for our chat but I'm not that optimistic about it. I guess I am now just even more confused because I was thinking he might want to end things with me (because what else do you think when your bf doesn't seem to want to chat?) but now, especially after getting this parcel - which was a complete shock and surprise to me - I am totally lost! Surely someone thinking about ending things would not decide to spend £35 on sex toys for them? We're only students in our early twenties after all! We're not made of money :/ Any one have any clarity here of the male mind? Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 Any one have any clarity here of the male mind? He likes sex toys -- human and otherwise. Best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
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