Dealing with delays and uncertainty.

[befreckled]

LDRs are often fraught with delays and is filled with uncertainty. I'm 3 months shy of my 1st year of this LDR and I honestly am finding it very difficult to hide how neurotic I am about having a plan, an end in sight, something.

 

I started a new job in August and assuming my employers are satisfied with my work, I am entitled to vacation time at the 1st week of November which is all fine and dandy except, I need to book my ticket for Christmas within the next two weeks and I have no idea what's in store for me workwise.

 

I do not want to

[a] ask if I can go off for Christmas vacation now as I have not yet been accessed and I do not want to assume that a job is confirmed.

 

not have a plan and be forced to fork out fistfuls of cash for a Christmas ticket

 

[c] head for a shorter vacation because anything less than 1 week does not make the ticket worthwhile - it's over $1000 USD right now

 

The best case scenario is, I book now, I am asked to stay in this job and am able to exercise my annual vacation days.

 

The worst case scenario is I book now, am told that there's something I have to be charge of in the days leading up to my vacation or during (which is in the works but I am uncertain how much work is on my part) and have to cancel the trip in part or in its entirety. I don't know how I'd be able to handle seeing the bf for < a week, we see each other once every 3-4 months as is.

 

I feel so helpless. Is love enough? On days like this, I truly don't know.

[TMichaels]

Why can't he come over and spend Christmas with you?

 

Even if it turns out you might have to work part of the time he's here at least you'd be able to spend time together.

 

Jobs are too few and far between these days; don't jeopardize the one you have. Right now you're "on probation" and should be doing everything possible to make a positive impression.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[madjac74]

Love isn't enough. This is from a recently failed LDR'er. I don't want to spoil anyone's hope but sometimes when it just isn't going to happen, you have to know when to walk away. It really is the worst way to end a relationship...knowing you should live happily ever after but you can't.

[befreckled]

Why can't he come over and spend Christmas with you?

 

Even if it turns out you might have to work part of the time he's here at least you'd be able to spend time together.

 

Jobs are too few and far between these days; don't jeopardize the one you have. Right now you're "on probation" and should be doing everything possible to make a positive impression.

 

Best,

TMichaels

 

He works in another country so he goes back to his home country for christmas and to spend time with them. Also, there isn't much of a point to come to my country for a week if I'm going to be working 5 days out of 7 days, I work pretty long hours. I suppose it's about being realistic and pragmatic.

 

Thats right, I said country not city or state because, between us are three continents. I agree with make the most positive impression which is the reason I'm so torn.

[Whipple]

Love isn't enough. This is from a recently failed LDR'er. I don't want to spoil anyone's hope but sometimes when it just isn't going to happen, you have to know when to walk away. It really is the worst way to end a relationship...knowing you should live happily ever after but you can't.

I agree, unfortunately.

 

If my boyfriend and I are still together in a year from now, it's going to be up to me to switch jobs in order to move wherever he's going to also be moving. I have a couple of friends who are disgusted with me that I would even consider doing that. They believe that if my boyfriend and I truly love each other, we can stay "together" no matter how long the LDR may last. Call me cynical, but I disagree. I think my boyfriend is one of the most wonderful and amazing guys that I've met, but there is no way we could do an LDR for 10 or 20 years. That is a long f***ing time. Don't get me wrong; if you are "right" for each other, then yes, you can last a long time in an LDR or at least you have the potential to do so. But you have to be honest with yourself regarding the reality of the situation.

 

Anyway, I digress. I'm annoyed with my friends. Befreckled, I'm sorry that you're going through this situation. Do you have to take the vacation at Christmas time? Could you go visit him a few weeks later?

[befreckled]

Befreckled, I'm sorry that you're going through this situation. Do you have to take the vacation at Christmas time? Could you go visit him a few weeks later?

 

With the new job, I've not earned vacation leave to go over and see him for two weeks without the couple days that Christmas and New Year's offers, that's an extra 3-4 days because we don't work on the eve of those days either.

 

I could technically but after a few weeks, he won't be as close to me (7hrs), he will be about (24-26 hours) away. See what I mean by plan?

[country_gurl]

Is he as concerned about trying to sort this all out as you are?

 

Why is it up to you to figure it all out?

 

Given the inflated prices of airfare over the holidays (due to supply/demand), is he offering to help you with the additional cost or is that all up to you?

[folieadeux]

I agree with Country Gurl. We only know your side of things...but it shouldn't all be up to you to sort out and I'm hoping he's helping you out with carving out a plan (emotionally and financially). Love isn't enough...and I can even say that now having an end in sight to my LDR. It's all about being realistic. Loving each other is only the very basic foundation...the other major factor being you both have to be equally as dedicated to making it work. It won't be easy, but nothing worth having ever is. But if he's willing to work just as hard as you have then it is possible to overcome even the greatest of distances.

[befreckled]

Is he as concerned about trying to sort this all out as you are?

 

Why is it up to you to figure it all out?

 

Given the inflated prices of airfare over the holidays (due to supply/demand), is he offering to help you with the additional cost or is that all up to you?

 

well, he needs to sort out his ticket as well but i guess the inflation of prices doesn't bother him as much as it does me. He has offered to come over to my country instead for a week but we agreed that it'd be pointless if I was working while he was here.

 

he hasn't offered to pay for the additional cost - he has suggested we head somewhere else, meet in between so the ticket will be cheaper.

[wildgeese]

I agree, unfortunately.

 

If my boyfriend and I are still together in a year from now, it's going to be up to me to switch jobs in order to move wherever he's going to also be moving. I have a couple of friends who are disgusted with me that I would even consider doing that. They believe that if my boyfriend and I truly love each other, we can stay "together" no matter how long the LDR may last. Call me cynical, but I disagree. I think my boyfriend is one of the most wonderful and amazing guys that I've met, but there is no way we could do an LDR for 10 or 20 years. That is a long f***ing time. Don't get me wrong; if you are "right" for each other, then yes, you can last a long time in an LDR or at least you have the potential to do so. But you have to be honest with yourself regarding the reality of the situation.

 

Anyway, I digress. I'm annoyed with my friends. Befreckled, I'm sorry that you're going through this situation. Do you have to take the vacation at Christmas time? Could you go visit him a few weeks later?

 

I hate to see that people close to you aren't being supportive. I think you're right, staying separated but "together" for an indefinite amount of time just isn't realistic, not to mention painful. And sometimes it really doesn't have anything to with how much you love one another, so it's always frustrating to hear the age-old "if you really loved each other..." argument. I've found that most of the people passing those judgments have never been in a long distance relationship. I hope they can learn to understand and be supportive! I'm lucky in that most of my friends (and family) understand and actually want me to move next year to be closer to my boyfriend.

[FitChick]

He has offered to come over to my country instead for a week but we agreed that it'd be pointless if I was working while he was here.

 

He has suggested we head somewhere else, meet in between so the ticket will be cheaper.

 

If you two were living together and both working you'd only see each other in the evenings anyway, right? He would be with you every evening and night. Does he eventually want to move to your country? If so, he needs to get comfortable with it.

 

Meeting halfway for a shorter period of time is a good compromise. The most important thing is being together, not WHERE you are together. After a year, someone has to decide where he or she is moving permanently.

[befreckled]

If you two were living together and both working you'd only see each other in the evenings anyway, right? He would be with you every evening and night. Does he eventually want to move to your country? If so, he needs to get comfortable with it.

 

Meeting halfway for a shorter period of time is a good compromise. The most important thing is being together, not WHERE you are together. After a year, someone has to decide where he or she is moving permanently.

 

I agree if I had evenings free, my work is a couple levels of insane in terms of hours. It's easy for me to only be done with work at 10pm and I begin at 8-9am. There is very little work-life balance in my job.

 

I definitely agree with regards with to meeting halfway. We'll see. I decided to purchase a ticket with the option of changing the ticket or cancelling the ticket completely if work ends up taking precedence, rather keeping this job.