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Falling In Love From Long Distance?


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

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Old 21st September 2011, 11:54 AM   #1
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Falling In Love From Long Distance?

Ok there are two kind of long distance relationship that I can think of.

1. Couples who been together in real life end up being separated in distance due to work or what not which result in a long distance relationship. Example of this is a person serving in the military or having an over sea job. These couples keep in contact with each other daily through the phone or internet hence long distance relationship.

2. Couples who haven't met in real life yet but keep in contact and getting to know each other by phone and online. They may have met on an online dating site, facebook, or other type of social network.


Now the point of this whole topic is that is it realistically possible to fall in love with another person from option 2 even though you haven't met them yet in real life? And will that love translate to real life when you meet them? The internet world and real life world are two different things altogether. One person kind act differentely online but act totally different outside of the internet.

Can a person really say, "I'm in love with someone" when they in fact haven't really met that person yet?
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Old 21st September 2011, 2:05 PM   #2
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You've missed out couples in LDR's who met online originally and then met face to face, like the majority of us in this forum. I've met my partner 10 or 11 times so far.

I personally don't think it's possible to fall in love with someone you've not met face to face, you just don't know for sure if you will have that chemistry and will click, no matter how good it feels online/skype/phone post meet up. Most of us do seem to click when we meet IRL, but maybe we're just less likely to hear from those who don't click IRL, or maybe they're less likely to be posting in an LDR forum if things didn't work out when they met.

For many couples the love online/phone does translate to real life IF you've both been yourselves with each other, talked/seen each other online a lot before meeting, but it won't work out that way for everyone.

It takes time to really get to know someone, after spending time WITH them, takes time to fall in love, rather that it just be a crush or fancying someone.


No, I don't think someone can say they're in love with someone before they meet, but some will disagree with me, while others will say it's ridiculous. I don't even think you can call yourself a couple until you've met IRL, I've heard couples who've broken up before actually meeting, which to me is OTT.

I wouldn't say me or my partner are different IRL, or 'act differently' to the way we do/did online, but some people will be different IRL for sure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chphan View Post
Ok there are two kind of long distance relationship that I can think of.

1. Couples who been together in real life end up being separated in distance due to work or what not which result in a long distance relationship. Example of this is a person serving in the military or having an over sea job. These couples keep in contact with each other daily through the phone or internet hence long distance relationship.

2. Couples who haven't met in real life yet but keep in contact and getting to know each other by phone and online. They may have met on an online dating site, facebook, or other type of social network.


Now the point of this whole topic is that is it realistically possible to fall in love with another person from option 2 even though you haven't met them yet in real life? And will that love translate to real life when you meet them? The internet world and real life world are two different things altogether. One person kind act differentely online but act totally different outside of the internet.

Can a person really say, "I'm in love with someone" when they in fact haven't really met that person yet?
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Old 21st September 2011, 5:36 PM   #3
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Two people who have never met can bond through technology and feel the "want" for each other that makes for much of the "in love" feeling people develop for each other in the "flesh world"--they just remain "wanters" of each other in the "mind world". In reality people who "fall in love" are to a very large degree yielding to passion for what they believe the other person to be--most of the time they are not in each other's presence and therefore what they think becomes the thing they feel that they love. People fall out of love when they discover the truth, that the real person is other than what they had built up in their minds. Often, they consider it a change to loving the person who they have but facing in their heart of hearts that the "in love" feeling has gone. It only goes because wanting has stopped and having has taken over. People who develop a vision of each other through technology as well as a bond where they contact each other to share their experiences from day to day aren't forced by physical circumstances to trade wanting for having--they want all the time and that is the uncertainty and mystery of romance: does he or she still care? Am I still favored? What is he or she doing or thinking? When you have each other in reality, these questions start falling away--and so, the feeling changes and often not pleasingly.


Who is to say how long a bond that is just facilitated though technology can last, how deep it can be, how meaningful it is? Only those braving it because we are all different from each other and don't need anyone's permission or approval to just say to each other, you know what? I love you and mean it. There is no "central scrutinizer" to decide when love is not love or sincerity is self-delusion. Every day is a good day when someone somewhere loves you and you them--even if you're both half wrong about who the person really is. We're always wrong on some things. But the hell with it. Let's just call it love.
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Old 21st September 2011, 6:51 PM   #4
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I love friends I've not met face to face but have talked to on the phone and online, but being *in love* with someone you've not met is just an illusion until you meet, fantasy.
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Old 22nd September 2011, 2:17 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Feelin Frisky View Post
Two people who have never met can bond through technology and feel the "want" for each other that makes for much of the "in love" feeling people develop for each other in the "flesh world"--they just remain "wanters" of each other in the "mind world". In reality people who "fall in love" are to a very large degree yielding to passion for what they believe the other person to be--most of the time they are not in each other's presence and therefore what they think becomes the thing they feel that they love. People fall out of love when they discover the truth, that the real person is other than what they had built up in their minds. Often, they consider it a change to loving the person who they have but facing in their heart of hearts that the "in love" feeling has gone. It only goes because wanting has stopped and having has taken over. People who develop a vision of each other through technology as well as a bond where they contact each other to share their experiences from day to day aren't forced by physical circumstances to trade wanting for having--they want all the time and that is the uncertainty and mystery of romance: does he or she still care? Am I still favored? What is he or she doing or thinking? When you have each other in reality, these questions start falling away--and so, the feeling changes and often not pleasingly.


Who is to say how long a bond that is just facilitated though technology can last, how deep it can be, how meaningful it is? Only those braving it because we are all different from each other and don't need anyone's permission or approval to just say to each other, you know what? I love you and mean it. There is no "central scrutinizer" to decide when love is not love or sincerity is self-delusion. Every day is a good day when someone somewhere loves you and you them--even if you're both half wrong about who the person really is. We're always wrong on some things. But the hell with it. Let's just call it love.

Gosh i love this posting...it is so so enlightening...thank you FF
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Old 23rd September 2011, 2:20 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Feelin Frisky View Post
Two people who have never met can bond through technology and feel the "want" for each other that makes for much of the "in love" feeling people develop for each other in the "flesh world"--they just remain "wanters" of each other in the "mind world". In reality people who "fall in love" are to a very large degree yielding to passion for what they believe the other person to be--most of the time they are not in each other's presence and therefore what they think becomes the thing they feel that they love. People fall out of love when they discover the truth, that the real person is other than what they had built up in their minds. Often, they consider it a change to loving the person who they have but facing in their heart of hearts that the "in love" feeling has gone. It only goes because wanting has stopped and having has taken over. People who develop a vision of each other through technology as well as a bond where they contact each other to share their experiences from day to day aren't forced by physical circumstances to trade wanting for having--they want all the time and that is the uncertainty and mystery of romance: does he or she still care? Am I still favored? What is he or she doing or thinking? When you have each other in reality, these questions start falling away--and so, the feeling changes and often not pleasingly.


Who is to say how long a bond that is just facilitated though technology can last, how deep it can be, how meaningful it is? Only those braving it because we are all different from each other and don't need anyone's permission or approval to just say to each other, you know what? I love you and mean it. There is no "central scrutinizer" to decide when love is not love or sincerity is self-delusion. Every day is a good day when someone somewhere loves you and you them--even if you're both half wrong about who the person really is. We're always wrong on some things. But the hell with it. Let's just call it love.
Perfect answer!

I've been where you are, just enjoy it. (I think you can fall in love with someone you've never met, btw. )
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Old 23rd September 2011, 2:57 PM   #7
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Considering the full experience of being "in love" includes emotions, sensations, and chemical responses introduced via the sexual experience, I would say no. Attraction, fondness, desire, wanting yes. What we would call erotic love? No.
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Old 23rd September 2011, 6:18 PM   #8
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I do believe you can fall in love with someone youve yet to meet. I also believe in love at first sight, but im a hopeless romantic.

but yes, I do believe.
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Old 23rd September 2011, 6:27 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by chphan View Post
Now the point of this whole topic is that is it realistically possible to fall in love with another person from option 2 even though you haven't met them yet in real life? And will that love translate to real life when you meet them?

Can a person really say, "I'm in love with someone" when they in fact haven't really met that person yet?
At the risk of a sounding like Meg Ryan, yes, yes and yes!

Sure, people can give opinions about other people's relationships but it's really up to the specific couple to mutually define their relationship as meaningful or not. AKA what Feelin Frisky wrote.
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Old 23rd September 2011, 7:42 PM   #10
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I mostly agree, although I did feel sexual love with him before we met, after we became closer talking on the phone/skyping a lot with him, but it is really only fantasy until you've met in person and know for sure that you feel the same face to face, I don't agree with anyone who says you know for sure you have chemistry before you meet, those who say you can know are the ones who it did work out for IRL, it worked out for me as well, but I still can't agree.
We felt we loved each other (as close friends, but with the hope of something more if things worked out IRL) before we met and I think we said we loved each other online (just typed, not said out loud as it were) before we met, but didn't say it out loud until after we'd met and knew each other 'in the flesh.'


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Originally Posted by creighton0123 View Post
Considering the full experience of being "in love" includes emotions, sensations, and chemical responses introduced via the sexual experience, I would say no. Attraction, fondness, desire, wanting yes. What we would call erotic love? No.
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Old 26th September 2011, 4:42 PM   #11
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At the risk of a sounding like Meg Ryan, yes, yes and yes!

Sure, people can give opinions about other people's relationships but it's really up to the specific couple to mutually define their relationship as meaningful or not. AKA what Feelin Frisky wrote.
God bless. Some people say things like "it's only fantasy". Feeling the "in love feeling" is always mostly fantasy. I don't feel the need to cheapen anyone else's "thing" what ever it is by saying "it's only" as in only fantasy or only infatuation or less than love. It is what it is. And just like falling in love, it hits you when you don't plan it and haven't done inventories of what might make it imperfect.

The thing that makes it different from "mere" infatuation, is the "bond" that two people form however or through whatever they form it. And when they both feel it and cherish it and work to keep it fresh and motivating and joyful, it's not "less than" some other hypothetical construct. It's "more than" living and does change so much if you've been alone or stuck with someone who just is wasting your life staying with you. I find no reason to denegrate it--I just say it's not for everyone and it takes effort to keep things in proportions so that the distance doesn't kill it before you finally get to meet and see if the love can stand the test of flesh. It's still feels good to call it love in the mean time.
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Old 26th September 2011, 6:38 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by Feelin Frisky View Post
God bless. Some people say things like "it's only fantasy". Feeling the "in love feeling" is always mostly fantasy. I don't feel the need to cheapen anyone else's "thing" what ever it is by saying "it's only" as in only fantasy or only infatuation or less than love. It is what it is. And just like falling in love, it hits you when you don't plan it and haven't done inventories of what might make it imperfect.

The thing that makes it different from "mere" infatuation, is the "bond" that two people form however or through whatever they form it. And when they both feel it and cherish it and work to keep it fresh and motivating and joyful, it's not "less than" some other hypothetical construct. It's "more than" living and does change so much if you've been alone or stuck with someone who just is wasting your life staying with you. I find no reason to denegrate it--I just say it's not for everyone and it takes effort to keep things in proportions so that the distance doesn't kill it before you finally get to meet and see if the love can stand the test of flesh. It's still feels good to call it love in the mean time.
Aw. That was a beautiful post, FF, and I completely agree with everything you said.

While there are horror stories, I've also observed that the majority of these stories end pretty happily when the couple meets in person, so that has to count for something.

Last edited by torn_curtain; 26th September 2011 at 6:41 PM..
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Old 27th September 2011, 2:11 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by Feelin Frisky View Post
God bless. Some people say things like "it's only fantasy". Feeling the "in love feeling" is always mostly fantasy. I don't feel the need to cheapen anyone else's "thing" what ever it is by saying "it's only" as in only fantasy or only infatuation or less than love. It is what it is. And just like falling in love, it hits you when you don't plan it and haven't done inventories of what might make it imperfect.

The thing that makes it different from "mere" infatuation, is the "bond" that two people form however or through whatever they form it. And when they both feel it and cherish it and work to keep it fresh and motivating and joyful, it's not "less than" some other hypothetical construct. It's "more than" living and does change so much if you've been alone or stuck with someone who just is wasting your life staying with you. I find no reason to denegrate it--I just say it's not for everyone and it takes effort to keep things in proportions so that the distance doesn't kill it before you finally get to meet and see if the love can stand the test of flesh. It's still feels good to call it love in the mean time.
That post made me smile and cry at the same time.....long, complicated story but thank you for the post x
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Old 27th September 2011, 3:12 PM   #14
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Ok there are two kind of long distance relationship that I can think of.

2. Couples who haven't met in real life yet but keep in contact and getting to know each other by phone and online. They may have met on an online dating site, facebook, or other type of social network.


Now the point of this whole topic is that is it realistically possible to fall in love with another person from option 2 even though you haven't met them yet in real life? And will that love translate to real life when you meet them? The internet world and real life world are two different things altogether. One person kind act differentely online but act totally different outside of the internet.

Can a person really say, "I'm in love with someone" when they in fact haven't really met that person yet?
It depends on the people, whether they're capable of developing those kinds of feelings at a distance. For some people it is. I never thought it would have been possible until it took me by surprise and happened to me.
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Old 27th September 2011, 3:58 PM   #15
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what Feelin Frisky was sayin' makes sense. we build a vision of that person in our heads and when that doesn't match up to reality we lose interest. that is why when my husband tells me compliments before when we haven't met each other yet, i tell him to stop putting me on a pedestal. it's not hard to fall in love with the idea of that person but I chose to go the (semi) realistic route, that is to hold judgment until we see each other.
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