She's moving away for grad school

[Ryno33]

My girlfriend is moving away for grad school in August. We have been dating for six months and so far everything has been as close to perfect as I could hope for. I live an hour away but I've made the drive up to spend time with her every weekend since we started dating.

 

Last weekend, out of the blue, she sat me down and said she thinks we should break up. She didn't tell me why, but I was crushed. Before I left, I asked if we could talk about it more after we both have time to think.

 

One of her friends told me that she is afraid of being in a long-distance relationship. I had asked her a couple times previously if she would be willing to try it when she leaves and her response was "Yes!" every time.

 

It might be early in our relationship -- I don't know -- but I think she could be "The One" and, because of that, I think we should at least give it a shot instead of quitting before it even becomes an issue.

 

I don't want to "trick" or "convince" her to do this, for lack of a better term. I would like her to come to the realization on her own that we should try it, but I might have to guide or push a little bit. I was thinking of just asking point blank if she still has feelings for me and if it's purely the distance that seems so daunting to her.

 

If she doesn't have feelings for me anymore, well then I guess that's that. But if she still does, then why end things now? How do I approach our conversation? I'd appreciate any advice!

[MartinRob]

Ryno33

 

I am in a similar situation and when I told me girl, Linda, that I was accepted in a school in Germany (US school). We are engaged and had dated 2 years. After some crying and a deep heart to heart talk. Like your girl, she wanted to break up. I told her that I wanted her to keep my ring and if at the end of my studies in 2 years, we still were deeply in love, then we would know that we could conquer any adversity. Linda is going to be a junior this year and will graduate the same time I finish my Masters.

 

I told her that I did not expect her to be totally celibate for that long, and that I wanted her to date. She said I should also, and I told her I would probably be too busy to date, but I wanted her to enjoy dating and that way we can really be sure about us.

 

Linda said she would let me know about all of her dates, so she can tease me and make "love" to me long distance. I told her that I can hardly wait to start getting her emails and phone calls.

 

My program also starts in August. Please consider such a proposal to your girl. Really encourage her to date and tell you about it.

 

 

Martin:)

[Whipple]

My girlfriend is moving away for grad school in August. We have been dating for six months and so far everything has been as close to perfect as I could hope for. I live an hour away but I've made the drive up to spend time with her every weekend since we started dating.

 

Last weekend, out of the blue, she sat me down and said she thinks we should break up. She didn't tell me why, but I was crushed. Before I left, I asked if we could talk about it more after we both have time to think.

 

One of her friends told me that she is afraid of being in a long-distance relationship. I had asked her a couple times previously if she would be willing to try it when she leaves and her response was "Yes!" every time.

 

It might be early in our relationship -- I don't know -- but I think she could be "The One" and, because of that, I think we should at least give it a shot instead of quitting before it even becomes an issue.

 

I don't want to "trick" or "convince" her to do this, for lack of a better term. I would like her to come to the realization on her own that we should try it, but I might have to guide or push a little bit. I was thinking of just asking point blank if she still has feelings for me and if it's purely the distance that seems so daunting to her.

 

If she doesn't have feelings for me anymore, well then I guess that's that. But if she still does, then why end things now? How do I approach our conversation? I'd appreciate any advice!

My boyfriend and I were in a similar scenario except I was the one that was moving away. We also had been dating for the same amount of time that you guys have been and I had your same thoughts. Anyway, yes, you do not want to trick or convince her to do this. If she does not really want to do an LDR, it's going to cause more problems down the line. You'll feel like she strung you along. BTDT.

 

Honestly, you two should sit down and have her specifically state why she doesn't want to have an LDR especially when she was agreeable to it earlier. Ask her what changed her mind. What is it that she dislikes or is scared of? Ask her that. Based on what she says, see if you two can work through it and reassure her that you do care about her. Of course if she doesn't have feelings for you any more as you, then it's a whole different story as you mentioned. But if there's something she's scared of, then it's definitely worth talking about. Just a simple conversation may be enough to alleviate this concern.

 

I appreciate Martin's advice, but I would not tell her to go out and date and have her tell you about it. That's passive-aggressive and I honestly don't think you want to start doing that. Have an honest conversation with her so you can get some answers.

 

Best of luck and I hope things work out the way you want them to

[MartinRob]

Whipple

 

I agree, that Ryno should take it more cautiously. In or case Linda and I both read some stories along those lines as part of our foreplay. It works for us, so far, of course I really won't know until I leave in a few weeks and she is "alone and testing the dating waters". Ryno knows his girl the best and knows what would be the best way to discuss something like this. I hope Ryno keeps in touch and I plan to do the same concerning our long distance relationship.

 

 

Your Friend

 

Martin