sniffys Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 hi guys, my bf and i have been together for more than 2 years, we are currently in an LDR and planning to get married soon. i have no complaints about him..that much. i rarely ask him for anything either. well i just notice that sometimes when he goes out with his friends, its like he completely forgets about me. say he went out for a whole day, i wouldnt get a text msg or call informing me hes out. its not a permission thing, its just so that i wont hang out in front of my computer waiting for him wondering if he's asleep or if he is caught up w/ work and couldnt reply, or if hes on his way home. we use yahoo messenger text or sometimes blackberry messenger, but most of the time i get no replies. last week we had a fight about this, and i asked him to just text me to inform me and he got all defensive, saying he is not a trained puppy. am i really way out of line? its honestly kind of a big deal to me but im willing to let it go if its "not normal". Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyheartbeat Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I completely feel your pain. I met a guy on a dating website. He said all the right things and flirted with me whenever we got online to chat. However, like your situation, I never heard from him during the day. True, we live in different countries, so a phone call or text would be difficult. However, I know he could access social networking sites. Not a single thing from him. I do the exact same thing. I sit in front of my computer waiting for him. And when I frustratedly confronted him about it three weeks ago, he said that he liked the way we were going. And being spontaneous was part of the thrill of talking with me. Yeah, whatever! Grrr. But anyway, so much as I hate saying this... I think he's just being a guy. I wish I had more words of wisdom. Perhaps someone else will come in here with some. But for me, and from the two experiences I've had with trying to keep a...communication (can't call it relationship because we never got that far) going, it's probably just part of his personality. Maybe you can sit down and talk with him, heart-to-heart and express genuinely how you'd like to get at least one text or something in the middle of the day. If he still gets upset, then I'd say that's how the water runs and it might cause more waves to fight it. Good luck. LonelyHB Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I think being in a LDR this is a pretty basic request, who want's to sit and wonder where their SO is all day? If it's a serious relationship, imagine if you two were together side by side you would probably always know where he was without texting. Our time is valuable too, I think sometimes guys forget about the importance of making a LDR feel as less long distance as possible. Sometimes me and my SO will be doing something and he'll say "BRB" and I will sit here and wait and he'll come back 2 hour's later with a "A show distracted me on tv" and it's like...take 5 sec to come tell me so I don't sit here, if that was in the flesh I could look over and see for myself, but I can't and I think sometimes guys can forget. I think girl's may wait on guys more than they wait on girls. Ask him to leave you msg's more often and why it's important to you. When he forgets try not to waste time waiting around for his reply, do something else you will feel less forgotten and like you're busy too! Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Maybe he is misunderstanding what you want. Did you explain that you would just like to know if he will not be around so that you are not hung up waiting for him when he knows he will not be around? I do not think it is unreasonable to want to know if they will not be around that day or what not so that you can feel fine with going out and being gone. Also, if he were to tell you he would not be around would you be supportive of that or would he get questioned as to why he will be there, or guilt tripped as to why he is going out instead of staying in with you? Link to post Share on other sites
folieadeux Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. This is pretty much a common expectation regardless of the distance and has nothing to do with asking permission. As Omei said, our time is valuable too and we don't want to spend it sitting and waiting around...the worst thing you can do in an LDR especially. I'm not sure what else you can do aside from talking to him about it, but his negative reaction is typical of most guys I've found. Next time you bring it up, try not to make it threatening nor right after he just gets back from somewhere. If you guys are talking marriage, he should be willing to hear you out on this. Link to post Share on other sites
TokyoG33kyGal Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 i want to know more before i give my advice. you've been together for 2 years, right? when you were not in LDR, how was he when he's out with friends? does he tell you his whereabouts? your reason is valid, though some guys get defensive about this because they feel like it's our way of controlling them. you have to explain to him that this can cause misunderstandings in a long distance relationship. it would have been different when you're together. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts