millie.bradford Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Hello. My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years now. I'm currently in medical school and he is working in a different state. We have been long distance for almost the entire relationship and we have discussed getting engaged/living in the same city. However, due to my school schedule, we won't be able to be physically in the same city for another 1.5 years. To make a long story short, we have been fighting more and more lately. I am having trouble in school and that has put a lot of stress on our relationship. I tend to get needy and whiney. I start to expect him to be there all the time to talk to me and make me feel better about my current situation. He has started to say that he doesn't like "babysitting" me, and that I need to stop getting mad if he can't talk to me all the time. We recently had a big argument where he basically gave me an ultimatum. I have been bringing up getting engaged a lot. My parents are very traditional Indians and don't like the thought of me visiting a boy and staying at his apartment unless we are engaged. Well in this argument, he said that I need to stop being angry with him all the time and stop being so needy, or he's done. He said some hurtful things like he doesn't want to be engaged to someone so unhappy with the relationship. I feel horrible because I fully admit to being needy for the past few months. I get mad if he doesn't reply to texts or e-mails, or if he decides to go out with his friends until 2-3 am. The truth is, he is a great person. Although he isn't always sitting around waiting for my calls like I do for him, he has a lot of qualities that I love. And he's my best friend. I need some help! I don't know how not to be completely needy, as I don't have many close friends in my class to talk to. On top of the stress of not doing well in school, I am so worried that he will just leave me if he sees some other pretty girl when he's out with his friends. Maybe a girl who isn't needy like I am. All my friends are engaged or married, and I just wish he would make that move as well. But now I seem to have postponed getting engaged even more.. he doesn't even want to think about it until I show him that I can be happy. Any advice would be greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Being chronically needy can harm any relationship wether it is close range or LDR. I know you are having a difficult time with school and your life, but you have to take responsibility for carrying yourself through these things, too. It is nice to share things with an SO but you also have to learn how to be able to take these things on yourself and pick and choose when you really need that extra boost or when you are having a hard time but you can take it on yourself. Our partners can be a great source of support but they should not be made to feel like we cannot stand on our own two feet without them, that would feel suffocating to anybody. If you are having a hard time in school, figure out why that is. Is it grades, just stress overall. You need to figure out what to do for YOU so that this can become less of a difficult situation for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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