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How do you know if it is time to end your LDR?


Long-Distance Relationships Coping with geographical distance can make or break a LDR. Share your experiences and questions here.

Old 28th November 2010, 8:38 PM   #1
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Question How do you know if it is time to end your LDR?

Hi everyone,

This is the first time I have posted on one of these forums. I have found some very meaningful advice, and I think it is time that I also share my story and get some feedback.

My LDR and I have been together for almost 3 years. We started off as a LDR for 8 months, lived together in the same city for a year (I moved to be with him)and have been an LDR again for a little over a year (both of us are getting our graduate degrees). We have begun talking about getting engaged/married and at first I was thrilled and now I am having second thoughts, not necessarily only about the engagement but also our relationship. Initially, I wanted to get engaged and he wasn't ready, now he says he is (he has been saying this since June 2010) yet nothing has happened yet which is making me more and more anxious about our relationship. We have talked about this, and he continues to say that he is ready, but wants to wait until we are together again to get engaged (he is moving back in the summer). This is also making me wonder whether or not we are right for each other. I'm wondering has anyone else experienced similar situation or thoughts?

My second question is, how do you know when it is time to end an LDR? My feelings of anxiousness are making me wonder if it is time for me to end my relationship? I often feel so stressed and upset that we are apart, it is consuming. I find it effecting my day to day life and general outlook. I'm usually an optimistic person, and I find these days, I am becoming more and more anxious and unhappy.

Any advice is greatly appreciated! Thanks!
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Old 28th November 2010, 9:04 PM   #2
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Welcome.

Every situation is different; there isn’t a general time frame for resolving the distance. It could be five weeks, five months, or five years. I will say that certain factors have to be considered before a move is made though. What follows below is my attempt at a halfway coherent list (in no particular order):

1. Where will you live and who will be doing the relocating? You, him, or will you both decide to move to a neutral area together?
2. What will happen before/after you move? (Engagement, marriage, etc.). Having the same goals for the future is key so as to avoid any sort of resentment down the line.
3. Career/academic pursuits often play a role in who moves where. Do you both have plans that work for your respective futures outside of the relationship?

Once these all have been sorted out, the move can be made so long as you are both ready. It really has to be a joint effort with one person not doing all the sacrificing.

It seems to me though that you have other issues to work out between the two of you before going any further if you feel like you may not be right for each other. It’s better to find out now for sure.
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Last edited by folieadeux; 28th November 2010 at 9:08 PM..
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Old 28th November 2010, 11:51 PM   #3
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i have been in an LDR a couple of times and i was always the one to end it for the same reasons.

but lemme ask you something first, what exactly are you anxious about? cuz i think if you really feel his love, your fears are normal. you should step back and take time to think, re-assess the relationship and your feelings and see if you can picture your life with him.

once i lose that picture in my mind, that's the time i get out of the relationship.
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Old 29th November 2010, 12:02 PM   #4
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Thank you both for your responses. They both helped me in different ways. I talked to my SO last night after posting. We talked about many different things and some were related to your own suggested questions Folieadeux! Great minds think a like! ;-) As for my anxiety, the more I think about it, the more I think it is solely about the distance and not other deep seated issues within the relationship. TokyoG33kyGal, thank you for your input as well. I can and continue to see a life with my SO, even though the distance is extremely hard. I think my next post will be about ways to deal with distance and the stress related to distance! Thanks again!
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Old 29th November 2010, 9:21 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppermint11 View Post
Thank you both for your responses. They both helped me in different ways. I talked to my SO last night after posting. We talked about many different things and some were related to your own suggested questions Folieadeux! Great minds think a like! ;-) As for my anxiety, the more I think about it, the more I think it is solely about the distance and not other deep seated issues within the relationship. TokyoG33kyGal, thank you for your input as well. I can and continue to see a life with my SO, even though the distance is extremely hard. I think my next post will be about ways to deal with distance and the stress related to distance! Thanks again!
Glad everything is working out for you Peppermint!

The distance related stress can drive us all to the edge at times. But it's definitely a good sign that you can at least discuss this with your SO in a constructive manner. Open communication is key and often times what makes or breaks a relationship, long distance or not.

Best of luck!
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