Reconciling with very long-distance girlfriend?

[xcx00]

So..my gf just broke up with on wednesday. We are both 21. So I'm American and she is Austrian, we met during our exchange semester in Sweden last spring. We met just during the last 5 weeks and it was all really quick but we fell in love. She fell in love a lot quicker than me and this is my first girlfriend and my first love. I was cautious at first but she let me believe it could work. I went to Austria for one week and then we said goodbye for 5 weeks and met again for 10 days and even went to venice together. so we said goodbye on august 2 and now after making it 9 weeks she wants to end it even though we can see each other in just 2 more months. I can't believe it, she said she started to have doubts a week ago and i reacted badly which is maybe why she did it because i just proved i was weak and i should have stopped contacting her. but no, i wrote emails, begged her to forgive me, told her how i felt, that she was everything to me, that i couldnt live without her..bla bla bla.

this wouldnt be a big deal if we had not been and weren't at least on my half still very much in love. i mean we talked about having kids and marrying in the future. she said i never had to worry about her breaking up. Now, lets get to her side. Basically just a classic case of nice guys finish last. My insecurities caused us to argue a lot, especially since she went back to her college and was busy with class all day. and i became too dependent on her, always being available to talk online, always staying at home waiting for her to come on, she became my only reason to get out of bed in the morning. and i opened up too much to her and now she's not sure that we are a good match because of my personality, she says she works hard for what she wants and i dont even try but just complain. that i havent got a job even though i am finishing my degree this year. and also, now she has decided to do a masters degree when before she promised that she would not continue and work and live with me. and i even agreed and said that i would move with her to the university city instead of her hometown. so i know its all my fault, but she doesnt even wanna give it another chance. she says she wants to stay friends for now and see if this is real love or just a vacation romance. but that means me not going to visit in winter. she says maybe in spring at the earliest, which would be 6 months from now. and we talked the day after the break up and we said to not talk for a week or so until she wrote me and for me not to put pressure on her. but i think its too late already. also, i think she is afraid of commitment because we would have had to move in together in a year and she says we are too young for that. so right now im hoping that this week or so of not talking will make her realize that she still loves me and i deserve another chance, but i think almost for sure it will do nothing, because even the day after the break up we still talked and got along but she still said that she thinks its the best for both of us and that she doesnt want me to come in winter. but im really heartbroken, i think the next time we talk im just going to be sweet and not beg or be desperate, and tell her that i wont be there waiting for her in the future, that im not the safety option in case her future ones dont work out. and she said she still loves talking to me. so maybe i should say that i dont wanna be friends and tell her that waiting 6 more months which would be 8 months apart wont work and that its now or never? help...

[madjac74]

You sound like a stage 5 clinger! You are suffocating the heck out of her even from a distance and probably just creeping her out a bit. I would think its impossible to suffocate someone emotionally from a long distance but you seem to have managed it. She is pushing you away...err well besides the physical distance. You should back off and try and maintain your cool. Find some hobbies and other reasons to get out of bed. Women find that sort of thing attractive.

[Swordkiss]

Drop the cling attitude - get your own hobbies as mentioned, find something that defines YOU, that will interest her! Be independant!

 

You can't put her on a pedistal and let her be everything in your life. At the end of the day if you talk on skype or something else, what are you going to talk about?

 

Your day where you waited for her to come home doing nothing but watching paint dry on the wall?

 

I had some problems like this in the beginning aswell, but I never took it out on my girlfriend (She has enough problems with her work, no need to hear another one complain)

 

So I suppressed it and decided to change. I briefly told my girlfriend that I felt like I had some problems with my jealousy and insecurities and fears, but I'm going to work hard to deal with them.

 

I did not want to lose her, so I changed.

 

And here iam with my girlfriend living in another country but still with me for 10 months so far and seeing her at the end of october!

[folieadeux]

I am in complete agreement with the other posters. There is definately a strong clash in personalities here that most likely would have resulted in a break up regardless of the distance.

 

Having your SO be the only reason to get out of bed is never healthy. I think you need to work on some things within yourself first before pursuing another relationship, with this girl or anyone else.