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Am i right to feel jealous?


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My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 4 years now. And last july (02) i left for the Air Force and up til now i saw her about every 6 months. But now that im in Japan its hard. the time dif. cause i dont want to wake her or her parents or get her into trouble. later this month shell be going off for her second year of collage. And almost every time she says some thing about another man i get jealous. but i did tell her that while im gone she can dod what she wants. as long as she and i tell the truth to eachother. She has been there for me everytime and ive been there for her (when i was a civ.) and i still try to give it my all. My co-workers say its not going to last. but she knows how much i love her. and i use the word love becuase that is what it is. if she asked me to i would give up my job and come home. i stayed by her bed everyday when she was in an accedent and could have lost her life (she broke her neck) she and her parents had to talk me into eating something. cause id just come and watch her sleep and i didnt worry about my self at all. We have been through so much and i dont want to lose her now. Shes never done anything with another before and my last 2 exs well just say i have a taste for things... but because she said she wanted to wait ive put the urge away for 4 years and never pushed her. and im just afraid someone is going to come and use her and hurt her. the question i have is am i right to feel jealous. I know its a natral feeling for a human but i still cant help it.

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Feelings aren't right or wrong, they are just there. It would be better for you if you didn't feel jealous. It's not going to do much for you except drain you.

 

A lot can happen in the days, months and years ahead. Your life now is much different from hers. You live in two different worlds. Rarely are people able to keep up a strong romance over the phone and in letters for four years. People need much more than can be delivered electronically over long distances.

 

I'll just leave it at that and wish you the greatest of luck. Thank you for your service to our country. Your biggest sacrifice was probably leaving the one you loved, even though you didn't have to join the military....at least I don't think they make you do that these days.

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Rambo:

 

I am in a long distance relationship as well, and trust me, I know how you are feeling. The last time i visited my girl, she was having her period (she gets really really sick), and she was throwing up, and i sat right next to her, and held her hair back, and wiped her mouth. Then i layed with her and rubbed her stomach, and her and her mom were just astounded that i would do this. Women just dont understand how much a man can love a woman. It didnt bother me at all that she was puking (and trust me, i hate puke), i felt that i needed to be there helping her. I get to see my girl about once every 2-3 months. Being in Japan is going to be hard for you, and her, if you stay together. Trust me, i know how you feel, you know, that if you were just near eachother, your relationship would be going perfectly. I respect that you have decided to let her do what she wants, but you shouldnt have it both ways. I think, because of your distance, you should let her do what she wants, and try really hard not to worry about it. Of course you will, but dont get on her about it.

 

Don't clue out the option of seeing other people either. I think a great way to look at it would be, to take time off, be best friends, still talk all the time, and some day, start over again. If you bounce back and fourth, all you will do is start ruining the relationship you already have.

 

I dont mean to burst your bubble or anything, but trust me, that path will just get you more and more jealous, and pissed off (I know, i was in the same situation).

 

Hang in there bud, and reply to this post, i will read it.

 

chaotic

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Thanks for your support. One thing thats been scaring me the last coupple of days is Ive had some pretty bad dreams the last two nights. And in both she's been with some guy. The last one was i came home and had a party at my house for my friends and I went to get some more beer and when i walked back out she was kissing my best friend. And irl she has been going over and visiting my friend because hes stuck at home, but she does it when his g/f goes to work.. I trust her and i love her more than i love serving (its my dream to die for the USA) but last time i had dreams like this its about 5 years ago. I had three dreams of the girl i was dating then, and in them she was with one of my other friends, and i got a bad huntch on my birthday about those two by just they way she said his name. and turns out that they were going behind my back. I didnt beleave it till i saw it. annd that hurt so bad. I think that just by my g/f talking with my friend how she is and with me getting jealous that i havent gotten over the hurt that my ex caused so long ago.

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sounds to me like you are losing your faith in her. i seriousely doubt that your dreams are actually a way to telepathically see what is happening, but more likely, you are piecing together the way she is acting towards you, into the way that she feels. when a girl says that she would like a jelly bean, it means she wants the whole candy store. make sure to notice subtle hints, as what she is saying is probably alot more serious that the literal meaning.

 

i dont know what to tell you man, except for this:

 

if she seems to be losing interest in you, take it seriousely. decide wheter or not you loving her is the right thing to be doing. you may have to sacrafice, if she isnt willing to sacrafice for you.

 

best of luck

 

chaotic

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