Does this sound familiar, or what! I am in exactly the same boat, but with a Russian girl whom I have been seeing in a LDR for about a year now. She recently spent 3 months back home and also got close to an old flame, and did some of the kissing thing. Now, to be quite honest, I knew she was going on a date with the guy, because she told me that her mum wants her to marry this guy... but she does not want to... but she went on a date..."to please her mum"...urr... yes, um..!!
Well, it so happens that after she came back from Russia, she spent 3 weeks with me and we had a great time. However, a week after she returned to where she now lives, I discovered some information in an instant message recording (I work in IT, so nothing gets past me!!) about having been much closer than just friends with the guy she dated.
I was very, very hurt indeed.
I had to make a decision. So, I called her about it... and she was rather silent on the phone. We agreed to talk about it, and we did when we next saw each other. I told her that she has caused a whole load of damage in the trust we had built up.. and told her, that no matter how much I love her, that if this happens again, that she is not true to me, she will irreparably damage our relationship - IE - I will drop her like a hot potatoe. Yes, I love her, and yes, I think I understand that I am not infatuated with her, I truly do care about her... but I am wondering just how much she cares about what we have to have done that. Her excuse was that she did not want to offend him, and that it was him who was making the advances, but what am I to believe, since she was not forthcoming with this information... I don't believe she would have told me.
So... it's a rocky road for me, but at least I have access to her email accounts, so if she's cheating, I'll stop things between us, and if I discover that she is not, and that all communication is above board, and marries what she tells me, then I will need to grow up and stop spying on her, but for now, it is my saving grace, which she's clueless about... so I wait patiently for all the communication to tell the story...
In your case, Mate... she's now done this a number of times. Also ask yourself... is it worse for you to be thinking that she has slept with someone else, or that she has kissed someone else? I know as guys, we will say, "having slept with him, of course" (which, by the way, I am not stating as a fact... just reading between the lines of what she told you)... I think that any amount of a betrayal of trust... must be taken as a betrayal... and don't bother analysing the depth of it.. she's been unfaithful, that's that.
I know that if my girl starts this stuff again, she's out the door. I want to be with a woman who wants me and nobody else, for I am a normal person. This has caused me streams of tears because I never thought this would happen to us, but it has.
My choices? They have to be... self respect! I cannot be tramped on by any person, especially in matters of the heart. I would say to you... that your girlfriend is not capable of waiting for you. She is not capable of being faithful to you, and she not only lacks self control, but she puts herself into situations where this type of thing will happen... and she knows the inevitable.
You sound like a reasonable guy... why let yourself go through this?? I have decided this week, that if I get to the situation where you are at, and I remain there... then I only have myself to blame.
I love my girl, and I have forgiven her for her mistake, as long as it is a once-off thing. Should it happen again... by that stage, I would probably have gotten over the hurt of the first instance of unfaithfulness, and my hurt would all come flooding back... I would have to end it immediately... but I hope that it is now behind me, as I would love to marry my girl, but we are nowhere near ready for this, as I will not be able to trust her for quite a long time... this depends entirely on her...
Let's face it, life's too short for all this... try to look after yourself, mate!
(PS - I always hate it when people tell me that there are "plenty of fish in the sea"... so I won't say that. I would rather say... "There are plenty of other lovely girls out there who would be glad to be with a faithful man who knows how to demonstrate love and committment")