how do i deal with her insecurity?

[uongy]

this is quite long,but im in desapate need of the help.

 

basically,ive been going out with my LD gf since feb of this year and things have gone great.we are very much in love with each other dispite the distance and call each other every day.

 

i made it clear from the start of the relationship tht i have female friends.they are actually friends of my best friend but i have known oneof them since i have known my best mate.

anyway,it wasnt a problem until quite recently,wen she suddenly admitted tht she didnt like me going out with them.she revealed to me tht it has taken it toll on her and tht she rather me not go out with them.she also said it was the females tht bother her.

 

i regularly go with my friends to a youth club on friday nights.nothing much normaly happens here but i enjoy the company of my friends.however,my gf has made it clear sge doesnt want me 2 go anymore.naturally,i didnt take this 2 well and we had a big arguement about it.

in a bid 2 resolve the situation,i told her i wouldnt go anymore.

 

i know this is insecurity from her,bt i also know her ex cheated on her after she placed trust in him while hanging out with the opposite sex.this was quite recent(6 months ago) and i helped her through the pain.

 

i think tht this is realy unfair on my friends.i want to hang out with them bt i have promised my gf tht i wouldnt.

 

i know tht i have address the situation bt i dunno how.

she has told me tht she trusts me and tht it jus realy hurt her.

is the previous experience tht is holding her back from compplete trust?

 

i have no idea wat to do.i love her so much and i realy want to spend my life with hher.its just this tht is holding us back.

plz,jus some suggestions would be great.thx.

[J0ey]

Hey, I'm no expert and I wish I could take my advice sometimes but this is what I know should be in a long distance relationship: trust. It's very important that you two talk about it and let her know that you would never do nething to jeopadize what you have with her. Tell her that you love her and that you trust her where if she truly loves you she will trust you. Without love there's no trust and without trust there's no love. I know how hard it is, especially in a long distance relationship. You have to give her time, it's not easy. Maybe invite her out with your friends so she gets to know them better. So at least when you go out, she knows who you're hanging out with. And be yourself in front of your friends and her. Don't act like somebody different. That's my two cents. If I could only take my own advice...

 

Joe

[uongy]

thx for the advice joey.

 

she lives realy far away so meeting them mite nt work out.

also,she has this impression tht they are really beautiful.i have told her tht they are nt my type and tht we are jus friends.

 

i understand the trust and love thing.ths why it bothers me so much.im willing to make many sacriffices for her bt im i being unreasonable about this?my friends mean alot to me bt should i stop seeing them for the sake of my gf?

 

thx for any help.

[J0ey]

You shouldn't sacrifice your friends at all, if anything she would want you to go out and have a good time. See, with me, i tend to tell her to go out and have fun yet i feel at times i sit around waiting for her and neglect some of my friends. And when i'm with my friends, i'm always talking about her. That's a bit unhealthy and at least i can realize it. You have to be your own person and be able to grow. And if she's preventing you from growing then there's a problem. She's very insecure with herself and that can be hard to deal with because no matter what you say or do, she's gonna feel like that. It's something she has to get over herself and realize that you love her enough not to ever hurt her. I try so hard to let my girlfriend know that I love her to death, but it's gotten to the point where even I find it to be too much. When I was in France for a 2 week vacation, I would call her twice a day to let her know that I was still with her (i lived there before so she felt a bit worried about past girlfriends and such). Not that it was a bad thing but I think she would get jealous because I would be totally honest on what I had done the night before, such as go out and meet friends i havent seen in a while. You see, I dunno what you tell your girlfriend and i'm not trying to tell you to lie to her, but sometimes it might be better to let certain details out of the picture, especially if you know it meant nothing such as you hugging an old friend. That's only gonna get her even more jealous and for what? You did nothing wrong. It got to the point where she told me that she had things to do and we wouldn't talk for a few days. Me, who was on vacation, got told by his girlfriend that she couldn't talk. At first I was really hurt by that. I thought, man I'm doing all this sacrifice and this is what i get. I didn't realize that it could of been hurting her too by me going out and telling her every detail of what i did. I thought i was just being honest. Last night, if you read a post below my girlfriend told me at 6am that she smoked a cig. Now, she knows i don't like it and to be truthful, something so innocent like that I wish she didn't tell me. It hurt me to know that and you know what, it's so stupid. I realize it now that I wish I didn't start a fight over it but its too late. You know your girlfriend better than I do, so what i'm trying to say is just let her know how you feel and COMMUNICATE!!!

[uongy]

hey,thx again for the help.

 

i think her insecurity seems from a past relationship in which she was realy hurt by a guy cheating on her.this seems to have damaged her a lot and resulted in this insecurity.

 

i dont blame her one bit(if i could get my hands on tht guy.....)

but this is holding us back.despite being only 5 and a bit months,we are madly in love with each other,and i can definately see me marrying her in the future.

 

my main question now is how do i deal with the situation?i know i have to talk to her bt how?wat do i say?

 

any help appreciated.thx.

[J0ey]

Just be upfront and talk about your relationship. Make her know that you're not that other guy and that you would never ever hurt her. If it gets emotional which i'm sure it will don't be afraid to shed tears and show this girl that you're not in it for fun. The best thing I could of ever done with my girlfriend is be straight up with her and let her know how i feel. I tend to mask it at times which is bad. It builds up until she feels the effect and it can most definetly effect a relationship. You need to talk. It's hard being in a long distance relationship, very hard. If she's telling you what to do now, it's not gonna get any better and in turn you might resent her at the end - im sure you don't want that to happen. Someone who loves you truly will never undermine your happiness. If it makes you happy to hang with your friends, male or female, she should encourage you to do so. Being in a relationship doesn't mean forgetting your friends. As long as you are together and happy, she should have nothing to worry about.

[MarieW]

Hi,

I don't really know your circumstances but if you are both so much in love, can't you live closer together. Either she moves to you or vice versa?

If she's insecure anyway 'cause of her lowlife ex boyfiriend, being aprt from you is only going to worsen her fears. She needs to know how trustworthy you are and In my eyes that means you need to live closer together and see more of each other. When she sees the way you are with your friends and that nothign suspicious is occurring, she'll gradually get over this. I also agree that maybe she needs to meet these women at some point, and perhaps you should have a word with them beforehand about how insecure she is so that they appreciate this and can help put her mind at rest. Being women themselves they will probably understand.

Just an idea.