UpandAway Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Hey guys, I've been with my SO for about 5 monthes now. It's a "semi-LDR" if you will- we're about 2 hours away from each other , and with college/work, we get to see each other about one day a week, maybe more , maybe less, depending on our timetables. Anyway, when we are together we get on fantastically. But when we are apart it sometimes feels like I don't have a relationship. We mostly keep in touch by texting/msn. But he is a bit flaky at the whole communication thing. For example, this week, he said he would text me when I got home from visiting him (this was Monday night). I told him I got home okay, and there was no reply from him. I let it go because it was fairly late and he didn't have credit (though he said he would use free internet texts). I heard nothing from him all day yesterday, though he had said he would text and we could talk on msn.... I don't know what to do. He has done this before when he had no credit- for two weeks in a row, he went for 4 days without texting me. I just feel like he doesn't even think of me when I'm not there, though he always says he misses me, his actions don't always show it. also, I'm in counselling at the moment and he knows i'm having a tough time. I don't expect him to be my therapist, but is a few nice texts to say ''i'm thinking of you'' too much to ask? He always says I can tell him how bad i'm feeling.... but i dont even think I could text him saying " how are you?" let alone something like "I feel like **** today"... It's also always me that visitis him. I get free train travel and he works awkward hours, and in my house ( I still live with my parents, who have old-fashioned ideas about sex before marriage) we can't sleep in the same bed, so there are some valid reasons. However, he only made the effort to come up once in 5 monthes, for my birthday. Some of my friends say I'm being too hard on him, others say he has it too easy (the cynical view is that he basically gets guaranteed sex once a week or so, without having to do very little else during the week.) Being in a LDR (or semi-LDR) is hard enough, but it gets extra hard when I feel like I'm the one making all the effort- what do you think? Does he have it too easy? Link to post Share on other sites
BWLoca Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 IMO, he does have it pretty easy. I agree with your cynical friends, though I hope it's not the case. Have you tried talking to him about it? My guess is no considering you feel weird texting him about how your day is going. Bring it up to him and see what response you get. Link to post Share on other sites
Sivok Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 I've been in a similar situation as you. My question is, has he always been like this? Is it a change in behavior? Guys in general are horrible with communication and I know that at times I'd get so used to her texting first/etc that I wouldn't bother until she made the first move. We'd see each other once a week and when we were together it was fantastic but likewise, we wouldn't really communicate much outside of those meets. It's a bit of an awkward position because it's one of those things where you feel they should communicate in a certain way but if you confront them about it you feel they'll be doing it because you told them to, not because they should always have. It clearly sounds like you aren't at ease with the level of communication, maybe you should talk to him about both of your thoughts on where the relationship is going? Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Yeah he sounds pretty lazy to me. Why don't you date him and date others too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author UpandAway Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 IMO, he does have it pretty easy. I agree with your cynical friends, though I hope it's not the case. Have you tried talking to him about it? My guess is no considering you feel weird texting him about how your day is going. Bring it up to him and see what response you get. I have brought it up before and he said he was sorry and he didn't know it annoyed me so much. Most of the time, when he does have credit, he texts me a good bit and it's fine... but it's just like he gets lazy and can't be bothered sometimes. It's not so much him not texting me (though that's irritating), it's saying he will and then not making any effort... He's developed this annoying habit of saying he will contact me and if he doesn't then I cant text him first without seeming clingy. I just wish he wouldn't say anything at all if he's not going to text. I've been in a similar situation as you. My question is, has he always been like this? Is it a change in behavior? Guys in general are horrible with communication and I know that at times I'd get so used to her texting first/etc that I wouldn't bother until she made the first move. We'd see each other once a week and when we were together it was fantastic but likewise, we wouldn't really communicate much outside of those meets. It's a bit of an awkward position because it's one of those things where you feel they should communicate in a certain way but if you confront them about it you feel they'll be doing it because you told them to, not because they should always have. It clearly sounds like you aren't at ease with the level of communication, maybe you should talk to him about both of your thoughts on where the relationship is going? I can definetely relate to feeling like he only texts/makes any effort because I've given out to him about it before... I s'pose he has always been this way, but as I said, when he has credit he's generally better at texting. I just feel like he's made no effort this week... again! I don't know, like, I'm concerned enough about the relationship to be asking strangers on the internet what I should do and he just doesn't seem that bothered about the whole thing. Yeah he sounds pretty lazy to me. Why don't you date him and date others too. I see where you're coming from but well, I s'pose it's kinda sad but I don't want anyone else. If this was just a casual thing where I went down to him just for sex then it would be okay, but we have said we love each other... I'm just feeling really bad , I guess. I miss him, I've no idea why he's not communicating with me, it will be the best part of a week before we see each other again and I don't want to text him first cause I dont want to come across as needy/ desperate. I'm just very pissed off at this stage. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Romance Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 The simple answer--if you're unhappy talk to him and try to get the change you need. If he still doesn't follow through and want to make you happy, he probably isnt compatible for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Deeblondie82 Posted April 28, 2010 Share Posted April 28, 2010 Yea. I would talk to him...my guy has done the same thing. He was always texting/calling saying such sweet things all the time. I was never into him, then I started getting into him and loving it.. then all the sudden he slowed down alot and it bugged me so much. I mean I would bring it up but in a nice way. I Talked to my guy and he got tired of me bringing it up lol so if it still has not gotten better then I would tell him you rather be friends cuz it has to be both partners who work on it not just you! Also I also am the only one thats going to see him. But he dont got the time to come see me.. the money but he did help me with my plane ticket so.. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author UpandAway Posted April 28, 2010 Author Share Posted April 28, 2010 The simple answer--if you're unhappy talk to him and try to get the change you need. If he still doesn't follow through and want to make you happy, he probably isnt compatible for you. That's what my friends recommend. It seems like such a shame though to throw away the relationship because it's so good when we're together. I just don't understand how you can love and miss someone so much and yet not want to talk to them at least once every two days... we all need our own space and lives, I understand that. It just baffles me how he can be so relaxed about not hearing from me... Yea. I would talk to him...my guy has done the same thing. He was always texting/calling saying such sweet things all the time. I was never into him, then I started getting into him and loving it.. then all the sudden he slowed down alot and it bugged me so much. I mean I would bring it up but in a nice way. I Talked to my guy and he got tired of me bringing it up lol so if it still has not gotten better then I would tell him you rather be friends cuz it has to be both partners who work on it not just you! Also I also am the only one thats going to see him. But he dont got the time to come see me.. the money but he did help me with my plane ticket so.. good luck I hear ya. I wish I had known how hard even a ''semi-LDR'' is before I got into it... I think we rushed things somewhat (we got exclusive about a month after first meeting each other) and now I regret it. I just feel he takes me for granted a bit... yet he's so sweet when we're together. argh, i don't know what to think! Oh yeah, and it's now 8 in the evening here... another day has gone by with no word from him... I'm not sure what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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