Sintija Posted May 30, 2003 Share Posted May 30, 2003 [font=times new roman][/font][color=cyan][/color][color=black][/color] I am so sad. I think I may have ruined my long distance relationship and this time there is no turning back. My boyfriend and I both live in different countries. We have been going out for two years. I met him online and we met already face to face three times. So, I guess we have spent like two months face to face but we do chat online, talk on the phone and send eachother presents. Last year, we decided we would get married. Then we postponed the marriage for a bit longer and probably so that me and him spend more time together and plan better where we want to live. I thought we were going to see eachother soon, that he would come and visit me, but instead, next week he is going to see his best friend. For our anniversary, he did not send me flowers (our two year anniversary was last may 10th) and he says that I overwhelm him sometimes with my problems. I am dealing with a hard time myself, my grandmother is very sick and I have some other problems where I live. I guess maybe I feel very needy right not and he is just trying to live his live. I should have seen problems coming as soon as he had stopped calling me more often, spending less time with me or just not being sweet like he used to. I think that everything that is going on in my life is just pushing him away and I fear he just doesnt love me anymore. I tried talking to him but I see no point because every time we talk, he gets all weird and he just doesn't talk to me. I don't know what to do. I really love him, he is my first long term relationship and I don't want to lose him. But I feel like I probably already lost him because I am too insecure. thanks for listening! Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted May 30, 2003 Share Posted May 30, 2003 I'm sorry, and I don't want to diminish your pain, but I guess I don't understand how you could maintain a relationship with someone in a completely different country. And hour away relationship is hard, a full time (in your own city) is hard, but a whole country away??? Do you think he may have found someone that he can actually see? Was this safer for you to date someone and not see them but several times per year? I know it can be done, but why would you want to do it? Surely there are nice guys where you are? I tell ya, I'm dealing with a limited number of possible partners, being a gay woman. That's about 1 - 2% of the population. Then, I live in a small town, my odds go way down there. Well, you get the point. You however, have 48% of the population. You live in Florida, there are some nice guys there. I think I would want someone more available to me, so I can read their face and see their smile. Link to post Share on other sites
RockNroll33 Posted May 30, 2003 Share Posted May 30, 2003 Hey i totally see what you are talking about.... about you feeling too needy, thats how i feel with my relationship. I also am in a long distance relationship. i dont see him often... like its always up in the air when and if i will see him. I am having some hard times right now and he wants to know whats wrong at all times but he just never knows how to deal with it. or says the wrong thing and just hurts me more even though he doesnt know what he has done wrong. I have decided to start to pull away a bit just to see what he does.....if he freaks out a bit then i know this relationship means somethingt o him if he doesnt then thats a key that maybe he wants something different. but always remember that you cant be the only one giving....... relationships are give and take.....and he needs to realize that, because sometimes guys don t see it that way,..... Just trying to help Link to post Share on other sites
Sintjia Posted May 30, 2003 Share Posted May 30, 2003 Thank you both for your advice. Neonink, you are right. I do feel like I would never be capable to have a face to face relationship. I am overweight and I felt like the internet made it easier to find someone. And he is very shy, he has limited friends so I guess we kind of mix well because we are both not too "normal." we both had problems with anxiety and I guess that brought us together. But I just feel that whatever he saw on me then, it is gone. Especially because is in a different country. But maybe I should step outside a bit and see. I guess I should give myself a chance to meet someone that is closer to home. Thank you Rocknroll, also for your advice. I feel alot like what you feel in your relationship. Maybe I should step away too. I feel like he is taking me for granted and I dont want that to keep going on. It is so hard though and hurts that all this is going on.... Thank you!! Sintjia Link to post Share on other sites
RockNroll33 Posted May 31, 2003 Share Posted May 31, 2003 I know its hard to let go but i think as time goes by then it will be easier for you to get over him. because i mean think in the long run i know you hurt now.....but its going to hurt even more if you keep holding on so tight and then maybe something happens thats hurts you even more. just becareful i know i am trying to..... Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted June 2, 2003 Share Posted June 2, 2003 You are normal. Being overweight doesn't make you less of a person or have less needs or desires. You have several options available to you. If you would like to lose weight, Weight Watchers is an excellent supportive program. My coworker weighed 400 lbs. She's lost 75 so far. This is a 50 year old woman that has struggled all her life, so I know the program works. There are meetings all times and all days available in all areas, just check your newspaper. It's the most healthy solution I know. I've heard of the surgery, but know of some grim consequences also. So, I'm a believer in WW. However, if you never lose a pound, that doesn't mean a thing either. If you are beautiful on the inside, it shows on the outside. You sound very nice, and deserve someone who loves you. I wish everyone who wanted love, was able to find it. I wish that for myself as well. But please don't let your weight hold you back, because there may be a domino effect that takes place. The more you get out, the more people you meet, the more you don't sit home and eat, the less you feel bad about yourself, etc.... Please enjoy your life without someone in the meantime. Even with all the bad news in the world today, we still have so much to be thankful for. Peace and best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts