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Boyfriend Deployed


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About 7 months ago, my boyfriend of 4 years was deployed for military service. He is in the army reserves. While he is gone, he is letting me live in his room since he is still paying rent on it. I moved in about 5 months ago. I have also been paying extra rent on it because I don't feel comfortable living there for free. Here's the deal, it is his brother's house. The other bedrooms are rented out to a different brother and another friend (who has since left). They have a sister who comes over constantly and I'm starting to get the feeling that she doesn't want me dating her brother and is also jealous that I live there.

 

It all started when my boyfriend left. At the time, I was out of town and he flew me in to say good-bye to him. The morning before the flight, his brother, me, and the other roommate were waiting to all go to the airport. His sister showed up and insisted that she was the one to take him to the airport so we were told to wait and show up an hour later. My boyfriend went along with it to avoid a conflict. Also, the day before, they had an information session for families. It's meant mostly for wives and children. I didn't go because I am not financially dependent on my boyfriend. His sister went and didn't understand why everyone was asking her whose wife she was. My boyfriend said that she "just wanted to be a part of it." Part of what?

 

When we did make it to the airport to meet up with my boyfriend, all she talked about was the family session that she attended the previous day. She also talked about how much money he would be making and quoted numbers. I don't even know those things or bother to ask - it's not my business until we get engaged or married.

 

The sister does not live with us and is about 4 years younger than me (she is 19) and 10 years younger than my boyfriend. She still lives with her parents but has a key to the house and comes over whenever she pleases. She has gone through everyone's stuff, taken things that belonged to my boyfriend, entertained guys at the house, left messes for me to clean up, eaten my food, and tampered with packages my boyfriend sent. All the packages he sends are set aside for him to go through when he returns. She has already found the boxes in my room and taken a bear and a ring that I think was meant for me. I also never received a bracelet for Christmas that my boyfriend supposedly sent. Of course, she wears it everyday and twirls it around her wrist right in front of me.

 

I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with this situation. I am moving out in a month, but I can't run away from my boyfriend's family if we expect to stay together. The obvious solution is to talk to my boyfriend. I get to talk to him 15 minutes every other week. It's hard to talk about everything that goes on. When I did try to talk to him about it, all he told me was that she is only 19 and just wants to hang out. Even his brother, who lives there, does not see eye to eye with me. It almost seems as though both his brother and sister don't want me dating my boyfriend anymore.

 

Any ideas on how to deal with the situation?

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No telling why your guy's brother and sister don't want you dating him anymore. Maybe there's somebody in his past they liked better....maybe they're just jealous of the attention he gives you.

 

As for the missing items, just pretend you have no idea who went through the boxes. Spread the word that you have reported the incidents to the postal inspector and the police for investigation. That should stop her immediately from taking anything else. Just be very cool about it.

 

She may be 19 but she has a mental age of about 7 or 8. Sounds like your guy may be the only sane one in that family. It will be up to you to decide if you want to spend the energy dealing with them for a very long time. It sounds like they are very closely knit and blood is thicker than water. Even your guy is likely to be supportive of his sister.

 

If I were you, when I moved out I'd say bye bye to the entire crowd and go find a guy whose family is sane and within criminal tendencies. I'd hate to think you would marry this guy and have kids like his brother and sister.

 

For the time being, find another place to store these packages as well as your valuables until you move. Someday, you may want to confront bubba and sissy and ask them exactly why they don't think you're right for their brother. Tell them you'd like to know in case there's anything you should work on. I think they don't like you because you're not crazy like they are. Maybe you should start being more like them and stealing stuff out of their rooms. That may gain you more acceptance (lol).

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I agree about pretending to not know about the missing items. I think when my boyfriend returns, he will figure things out on his own. He doesn't need me to be a tattle tale. I recently locked up some stuff for safekeeping. Maybe she thinks that everything in the house is for sharing...who knows.

 

After reading the reply and thinking about it, I think the problem is all his sister. I think his brother just goes along because he doesn't want conflict, and of course, he will always side with his sister.

 

I think his sister doesn't want me dating him because she wanted to live in his room while he was gone. As stupid as it sounds, I think it's true. Maybe she wants her brothers to all be single so that they focus their attention on her.

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