coyote Posted March 19, 2003 Share Posted March 19, 2003 dear loveshack, this is my problem: my ld bf and i have been going out for about a year and half now. he's in grad school and so am i. all thru the rltshp, hes had some financial difficulties so i really don't mind making most of the trips to see him (its 2hrs away). anyway, everything has been good so far until this past valentines day when i paid him a visit. prior to my visit, he had been calling frequently and seemed excited and couldn't wait for me to come. however, the trip was a disasster. all i got from him was a card - we didn't got out or anything but i chucked it up to his money problems. however, all through the visit he treated me as though i didn't exist. if i was in the same rm with him, he would leave. and making conversation was like pulling teeth. he kept telling me he had all this work to do and basically made me feel very unwelcome. to make matters worse, i got stuck there for 2 xtra days due to the snow stroms and the whole time he kept asking me when i was leaving. after i got home, i called him and asked him why he was acting so weird and told him how he hurt my feelings..he apologized and admitted that he kinda felt like the connection wasn't there during the visit. anyway, i let that pass. he invited me on a spring brk trip with him to visit his family and at the last minute, disinvited me- the reason which he blamed on his sister but now i know he just didn't want me to come. the day after he left was my birthday and coincidentally, i it was also his sisters. i recived a nice card in the mail from him, but did not get one phone call. in fact, for the duration of the whole week, i did not get any call from himm except for an email stating that he was ok three days later and would explain everytrhing to me when i returned. to ake a long story short, his explanation is that oftentimes in all the rltshps hes ever had, he sometimes just wants to be left alone and does not want to be in any relationship- which is what happened in my case. I asked him repeatedly if he wanted to break up with me and he said no cuz even tho' thats how he felt, he wanted to work it out. i asked him how and he had no answers just that he didn't want to break up. he did not apologize for neglecting my birthday and even though i want to help him get over whatever his emotional turmoil, i can't get past that hut cuz he knew how much it meant to me especially in light of the way he'd treated me. since his explanation, hes been calling me more frequently -i guess just to say hi and to see how i'm doing etc. and we have not talked about that conversation regading his "turmoil" since. I'm trying to give him some time and space since hes the one with issues to work thru not me and i really don't want to force him to stay in a rltshp if he is unhappy. however, i really want to address his issues more- i want to know where we stand? does he still feel that way? and more importantly, i want to impress upon him how hurt i am of his treatment of me esp. on my birthday...i really don't know what to do.- HELP!!! PS. SORRY IF IT WAS LONG-WINDED... Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted March 19, 2003 Share Posted March 19, 2003 What should you do? IMO, you should move on and find someone else. Here's why: i really don't mind making most of the trips to see him (its 2hrs away). all i got from him was a card - we didn't got out or anything all through the visit he treated me as though i didn't exist. the whole time he kept asking me when i was leaving. he apologized and admitted that he kinda felt like the connection wasn't there during the visit and at the last minute, disinvited me i recived a nice card in the mail from him, but did not get one phone call This guy is treating you like dirt! Why are you letting him walk all over you and treat you like this? I asked him repeatedly if he wanted to break up with me and he said no cuz even tho' thats how he felt, he wanted to work it out. If he wanted to work it out, he would be. He wouldn't be ignoring you and treating you this way. He is being a complete wimp about it, which is unfortunate, but I'm seeing no signs here that he really cares about you or is interested in keeping your relationship alive. Along with the words, you need some action from him. Someone who cares about you doesn't expect you to come and visit them and then treat you like crap for the entire visit. They call on your birthday. Etc... I think your best bet is to move on...let him deal with his turmoil on his own (if there even if any.) Link to post Share on other sites
candice Posted April 1, 2003 Share Posted April 1, 2003 You asked if he still wanted to be w/you, and he said yes, right? You can only take his word for it, but you CAN tell him that you expect his actions to match his words. I am in a ldr also, and if you don't give it all that you have now, you will regret it all your life. Just communicate w/him--express your fears, tell him why you worry, and that you just need him to show as well as say that he wants to be in a relationship w/you. Tell him not to stay in it for you---but for himself. you 2 both have to want it for it to work out. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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