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Hi,

 

I'm a member in the on-line-date and there is a guy who is keeping send e-mail to me. He is a nice guy, good looking and well educated but the problem is that I'm 22 and he is 39 - even though I'm much more mature than my age but I'm just afraid for the following problem:

 

1. Him or the people in his life might that I'm w/ him for his money.

 

2. I did make clearly for him that I'm not in to love/party games and he said that neither is he but I'm just afraid that we maybe can not have our relationship in a long run as there is a big age difference(?)

 

Please let me know what you think 'cause I'm very confuse about this....is he too too old for me which mean that we have no future w/ this dating thing between us.....is it good for me?

 

THANK YOU

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Every situation is different. There are some good points and bad points.

 

If he has never been married, has no ex wife, has no kids and is very stable, dating him could be a welcome relief from younger, less mature guys who are players. If he has been married and has children, there could be major problems and you should be aware of those.

 

Unless he is unusual, a man of that age should appreciate you a great deal and be loyal. He's surely out of the partying/love games stage...at least you hope so.

 

If you decide to get serious with him and you want children, you better be sure he too wants children. He's certainly not too old but these are questions you have to ask.

 

I don't think the age difference would be a major problem in and of itself. There are other aspects you must consider and the way to do that is to actually date him and see just what areas of your lives together end up unharmonious as a result. It could be a very nice relationship for the both of you.

 

I would date him casually for a period of time...nothing serious...and get to know him. See if you feel comfortable interacting with him. See where this goes. If after a reasonable period of time you can make a judgement that being with him could work out, then you can let yourself go emotionally and take it to the next level.

 

Again, this is a decision only you can make. But I will say there are many very successful marriages where the two parties have an age difference of 20 or even 30 years. There are also many marriages that fail where the parties are just a few years apart in age.

 

Who knows?

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Thank you, Tony....I'm really appreciated for your letter!

 

Well, what it concerns me is that as he is a very successful man and I I'm just a student so it might be an inharmony relationship 'cause maybe I can not reach his stand point in life as well in his thoughts w/ his experiences in life and he maybe will not be able to understand me as I'm just start getting in learning the "real world".

 

Since that him & I get to know each other from on-line and as what it says in his profile that he never have been married or have kids. So just trying to be positive....I would like to get to know him but I'm a little bit nerous about this.

 

Tony, would you please let me know what I should do .....at least what is your suggestion for me when I'm getting to know him?

 

Please help me again.

 

Thank you so much!

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I don't think you should go about this any differently than you would getting to know someone your own age.

 

You take life way too seriously. Lighten up a little bit. This man may be older but that doesn't take anything whatsoever away from your wisdom and intelligence as a young person. As long as the two of you have respect for each other's place in life, that's all that counts. You can learn a lot from him and he can learn a lot from you. The two of you can take full benefit of two generations, not just one.

 

If you feel extremely uncomfortable pursuing this man, don't. Being uncomfortable or having doubts is not the way to begin a wonderful romance. So he is a successful man...and you are a successful student...I don't see a special problem here. No matter what woman he is with, it is doubtful she would share the knowledge that he has about what he does. You are no different in that respect that a woman his age.

 

If you can clear your mind of doubt and go into this with a positive attitude and make yourself feel like you are his equal, it can work very well.

 

Understand, however, that I am assuming he is mature and smart enough not to look down on you but to view you as an equal partners. If in dating him you see that he cannot do that, that is when you end the relationship.

 

I see no point in you worry about this right now. As I have already told you, if you have a desire you should date him. When situations arise that give you doubt that you should be with him or that make you feel uncomfortable, that's when you should get away from him. This is no different that dating anyone of any age or background.

 

If he is a nice and decent person, the chances are somewhat better that you will have a much better relationship with this man because he will appreciate you much more and he should value the fact that you have thought enough of him to be in his company. If he doesn't, I will personally kick his butt.

 

There is simply no way to predict how this will work, just like there is no way to predict how any new relationship will work out. The only way you're going to find out is to get involved. You should talk to him about your particular concerns....communicate with him effectively....and resolve all things with him that may be troubling you. Talk to him about the age difference and see what he has to say and discuss it together. That will be the most productive thing for you to do.

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Hi Tony

 

Thank you much for your letter which have cleared alot of my concerness!

 

Well, I should give it a try then and see what it will lead it to in thefuture :)

 

After all I wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

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