crimsonrose Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 It always starts out the same. I leave to go back home, I'm sad as hell, he's alright. I get home, he's sweet as can be, I recover, we move on and look forward to our next visit. Then, after a month or so, he starts getting grumpy. I'm talking really grumpy. Doesn't know what to do with himself, snaps at my over the strangest things, eventually cools it, then does it all over again. I think it's depression. i think he misses me. I've asked him, and he said im probably right. The only way to make it better is to play constant video games with him so he can forget about missing me and focus on something else. Has anyone else had this? Can anyone offer advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 I've the exact same problem! Life hasn't been treating my guy very gently as well, and his outlet is to play video games... but at least he's doing it WITH me. And there aren't many other activities a couple can do so far away anyway. And I suppose I can't really blame him because that's my own outlet as well. Link to post Share on other sites
sm0ked Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 Yeah guys do seem a bit more sensitive to distance. I've experienced the irritability thing you speak of, and tried to figure out the how and why behind it with not much luck. Definitely seems to be a guy thing, though. How far apart are you and why? How do you usually communicate? I did the video game thing, guys definitely use it to chill so aside from that it seems the likely answer would be to close the distance problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonrose Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 Yeah guys do seem a bit more sensitive to distance. I've experienced the irritability thing you speak of, and tried to figure out the how and why behind it with not much luck. Definitely seems to be a guy thing, though. How far apart are you and why? How do you usually communicate? I did the video game thing, guys definitely use it to chill so aside from that it seems the likely answer would be to close the distance problem. Makes ya feel like crap, don't it? lol He's in australia, im in the u.s. We met online, and I'm working on getting my visa. until i do, im stuck here. we've visited each other quite a bit though. we communicate every night via skype, and write a few messages to each other during the day because he gets bored at work. you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonrose Posted April 5, 2009 Author Share Posted April 5, 2009 I've the exact same problem! Life hasn't been treating my guy very gently as well, and his outlet is to play video games... but at least he's doing it WITH me. And there aren't many other activities a couple can do so far away anyway. And I suppose I can't really blame him because that's my own outlet as well. I know. I've thought about the whole ldr date thing, where you both watch the saem movie at the same time while on the phone. It just doesn't appeal. Games are really the only way to go, but because my night is his day due to use being half a world away from each other, i'm literally starting to get sick from being up so late at night playing diablo II. Goodness we're nerds I'm not even a gamer in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 I don't agree that distance is harder on guys, IMO it's easier if anything. Girls tend to be more emotional, and if there's anything that wreaks havoc on your emotions it's being so very intimate for some time and then being miles apart again, and rinse and repeat... Crimsonrose, try other games? :cool: I may be a nerd but I think there's a huge variety to choose from, so I never get bored! Link to post Share on other sites
sm0ked Posted April 5, 2009 Share Posted April 5, 2009 Makes ya feel like crap, don't it? lol He's in australia, im in the u.s. We met online, and I'm working on getting my visa. until i do, im stuck here. we've visited each other quite a bit though. we communicate every night via skype, and write a few messages to each other during the day because he gets bored at work. you? Skype is definitely a lifesaver. It's much better than using an IM program, for sure. Just show patience, and take time before reacting to things. At the same time don't be the proverbial doormat if he's acting up, simply (and calmly) point out that you're both stressed but shouldn't take it out on each other, without seeming like you're backing down out of caution or setting boundaries (which can seem demanding to fellas). It's fine to not want to make him mad and such, but don't forget your basic price and all. Unfortunately my LDR isn't/didn't go well. Bit of a stand off, a horrible mess (as my thread on here explains) but he lived ten minutes away before being deported to HK. Irritability showed up almost instantly, gradually worsened. He's the embodiment of stubborn and difficult, though, as am I. Hopefully your guy is more reasonable and open to actively communicating. I do think gaming together, talking instead of messaging, and good communication works wonders. Relationships are almost entirely about communication, and with Long Distance I think they're like 150% about communication; it's so important. So if you can find ways to calm his PMS-moments (maybe find some ideas online or from us fellow LDR peeps!) then by all means stick to them. Try not to get too overwhelmed when he's Mr Grumpypants. And oh no, not "harder" on guys, but from what I can tell they do seem to react differently to communication issues. Especially because girls typically are more emotional, and the guy has to deal with this on top of the distance itself. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 OMG I wish mine would only get grumpy long distance. Then at least I could hang up and go on about my friggin' day! He gets grumpy when he has been stewing too long. Thinking about how long it has been and feeling despondent. Perfectly understandable. I have my moments too but I get more needy not belligerent. But he gets grumpy in person too. The last time we saw each other (It was three years in between) we got married. And I was there for three wonderful weeks. It was bliss. The day before I left was awful. He was such a jerk. He wasn't listening to me. He was snapping at me. At one point I was getting the video camera out of the car to bring with us and he took it out of my hands and put it in the trunk -- and closed it -- as I am saying, "I want to bring that with us" repeatedly. He was like a small child throwing a tantrum. That night as we sat outside, and he had mellowed, I asked him about it. He admitted the attitude was because I was leaving the next day. He didn't want to go back to missing me for who knows how long. --- And at that point we thought it'd be at most six months. Overcoming the grumpiness has now been elevated to an art form. I have numerous tricks up my sleeve. Thankfully he has gotten himself out of his funk before I have had to lately. But geez. I can RELATE. Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted April 6, 2009 Share Posted April 6, 2009 This all sounds so familiar, although it seems like each guy has their grumpy cycle... My LDR and I have the same routine - a long weekend together every couple of months that is absolutely wonderful, until about 24 hours before the one must return home. It's usually ME that gets all twitchy during that time, and I have to work hard to try and pull myself out of it. Then we usually have a sobbing mess of a goodbye, and then he goes into a depression for 2 days or so. We still work on keeping all of that to a minimum, but so hard when we are so crazy for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonrose Posted April 6, 2009 Author Share Posted April 6, 2009 OMG I wish mine would only get grumpy long distance. Then at least I could hang up and go on about my friggin' day! He gets grumpy when he has been stewing too long. Thinking about how long it has been and feeling despondent. Perfectly understandable. I have my moments too but I get more needy not belligerent. But he gets grumpy in person too. The last time we saw each other (It was three years in between) we got married. And I was there for three wonderful weeks. It was bliss. The day before I left was awful. He was such a jerk. He wasn't listening to me. He was snapping at me. At one point I was getting the video camera out of the car to bring with us and he took it out of my hands and put it in the trunk -- and closed it -- as I am saying, "I want to bring that with us" repeatedly. He was like a small child throwing a tantrum. That night as we sat outside, and he had mellowed, I asked him about it. He admitted the attitude was because I was leaving the next day. He didn't want to go back to missing me for who knows how long. --- And at that point we thought it'd be at most six months. Overcoming the grumpiness has now been elevated to an art form. I have numerous tricks up my sleeve. Thankfully he has gotten himself out of his funk before I have had to lately. But geez. I can RELATE. Yes, thats what my darling boy does. He throws tantrums... I'll be there to spank him for it in a few months Though he's told me I need a few spankings as well O bother... haha Link to post Share on other sites
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