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Dealing with issues on the phone


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SoulSearch_CO

So...something came up between my BF and me. It was at the end of a short visit last week - punctuated by something he did on the phone last night. I do know it's not something he's aware of. I'm willing to be nice in bringing it up. He just really hurt me with some things he said/did. I don't really want to get into the issue since it's not the point of this post.

 

The point is - he'll be coming back through town tonight and I'll see him for maybe 10 mins if I'm lucky. It will not be a good time to talk to him about this issue because I don't want to part with bad blood. The next time I get to see him is on Tuesday when I drive out to see him. We usually speak on the phone every morning and night. So that'll be 2 or 3 more phone calls before I see him in person on Tuesday. I really don't like dealing with relationship issues over the phone if I can help it. I like seeing the other person's face and body language. I like them to see mine as well. I'm a very expressive person with my facial expressions.

 

So...do I just not deal with it until Tuesday? Or attempt over the phone? What would you guys do? I'm just not sure if I can get the resolution I'm seeking over the phone. I guess the other thing is once it's resolved, I want to give him a hug. I can't do that over the phone. The only problem with waiting is - I don't really want to spend a lot of time with him on the phone between now and then. I'm not ANGRY, just hurt. I'm still really in love with the guy and care about him a great deal - I'm just not terribly thrilled with some of the things he said to/about me. So while I LOVE him, I'm not necessarily liking his attitude right now.

 

I don't know. It's a conundrum. I almost just want to wait until Tuesday and keep our phone conversations short and sweet without any contention.

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Island Girl
I'm just not sure if I can get the resolution I'm seeking over the phone. I guess the other thing is once it's resolved, I want to give him a hug. I can't do that over the phone.

 

I do not believe from your post that you would feel comfortable and get resolution over the phone as well.

 

And then you'll be stuck with those insecure days about how he is really feeling, etc. Until you see him on Tuesday and you can finally relax.

 

I almost just want to wait until Tuesday and keep our phone conversations short and sweet without any contention.

 

This is your best course of action.

 

Be prepared if he says, "why didn't you tell me about this when it happened". He may or may not.

But don't let that part become an issue.

Just let him know that you didn't quite know how to approach it.

 

Conversations short and sweet.

Keep yourself busy.

Tuesday will come soon enough.

 

Good luck.

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SoulSearch_CO

Thanks, IG. Part of the reason I couldn't deal with it at the moment it happened is also part of the problem. It was prevented by circumstances at the time (and no, it had nothing to do with being on the telephone).

 

The only hang-up I'm having is that he might be confused as to why I'm shortening our phone conversations so much. Like he might think I'm planning to dump him on Tuesday, or something (his birthday...LOL). Would it be okay to tell him on the phone, then, that I still love him, I still want to be with him, but I don't particularly like him right now?

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Island Girl

Is there any way anything could "come up" that may take some of your available time but only temporarily?

 

A friend's birthday you forgot -- so you are going out to dinner -- something?

 

You really only have to get through two days.

 

Maybe that is a belated event -- or necessary circumstance -- and -- a good old stand by - The Headache.

 

And, hey, a headache will make sense to him on Tuesday because you were thinking and thinking about all of this and it really could give you a headache...

 

[aside to the guys out there] don't hate on The Headache!

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SoulSearch_CO

LOL@ the headache.

 

Well, I work nights 1030p-630a. The times we talk are when I'm commuting to work or home. I live an hour from work (sooo common in this area). So I have an hour sitting in the car heading to work. The excuse I can use in the morning is that it's eating up my minutes (which is true) and I have to go, now. LOL As for the night-time. I'm not real sure. I guess I could try the headache thing - tell him I'm just not feeling that great (which is true) and I'd rather just see him in person. I don't really have to deal with the phone conversations all that much tomorrow because he's out of town and busy. Should only be calling when he's headed into my town so he can stop by and say a quick "hello." It's just Monday night that I have to have "the Headache" for. LOL Thanks, IG - now I just have to think of a way to word it.

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Island Girl

You can ALWAYS plant the seed tomorrow when he stops by.

 

"I haven't been feeling very well today. Just kind of blah. And I am so glad I got a chance to see you because at least that made me feel better".

 

Something like that and then if it developed into a headache on Monday -- very plausible.

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Island Girl

Oh and a really good one -- is that you drop a remark that you have been feeling a little stressed.

 

Then he may, if he is really good already, pick up on the fact that his attitude may have contributed to that.

And he may be really sensitive to that and, if so, you'll never see anything of the kind again. ;)

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SoulSearch_CO

Well, we scratched the surface of what happened on the phone tonight. Because what he was doing came back and bit him in the butt after I had left. LOL But I told him I didn't really want to get into depth about it until I saw him in person on Tuesday and he said "ok." But he got a taste of his own medicine and didn't really like it. Kinda felt bad for the guy. I'm just glad he didn't push it on the phone. I REALLY was not in the mood to deal with it.

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Island Girl

AHHH GOOD!

 

It worked out for the best then!

 

In my experience men do well when a lesson has been placed in their lap and they must sit with it a while...

 

And now you don't have to worry about bringing it up and having it come out of the blue!

 

HA HA!!

 

Yay. Good news.

 

All is well. ;)

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Island Girl

So what happened SoulSearch? What is the rest of the story - how'd it play out?

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