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Krissy

By Krissy,
in Long-Distance Relationships

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Krissy

Krissy

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I have a long distance relationship with this guy. we both go to colleges in different states so we never get to spend any time together. we talk all of the time but lately all we talk about is him and his live at school. Its always his problems in classes, the football team and etc. and he hardly ever ask about whats going on with me lately i have been feeling like he pulling away from be some. slowly at first but now its now the distance is growing more and more between us. i really care and love this guy. and i really do not want to break up with him because it would break my heart. but i can't go on being ignored.

 

please help me figuring out what i need to do to save my with him relationship.

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Tony T

Tony T

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You don't have a relationship with this guy at all. It's totally impossible given the distance and even more impossible due to his deep love for himself which you aren't a part of.

 

So what is it you love about this guy? I don't think he needs much love from you because it sounds like he gets plenty of it from himself.

 

If he's going to be away from you for long, it's simply not practical to carry on like you're doing unless you're in to wasting your time and your life.

 

You can't possibly get anything positive or satisfying out of a "relationship" with a guy you spend no personal time with and who only talks about himself.

 

I hope you get yourself together. You're in love with an idea...not a real person. This guy is a narcisistic JERK!!!

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Krissy

Krissy

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see before he left to go to college we spend a lot of time together. he was a very loving and caring guy who did care about what was going on in my life. there was a hardly a day went by where he called me or e-mail me just telling he love me and i hope your having a great day. it just seems he change over the past month and a half. i know its partly due to all of the pressures from his classes. and every now and then he show the old him but its getting less and less as time goes by. i really want to let him know that i miss the old him. the person who i feel in love with.

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Ally Boo

Ally Boo

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Long distance relationships can be very hard. In my opinion, they dont work. You don't have a relationship, when you stay at home nights, and you go to sleep alone. You don't have a relationship, if you don't have someone to hug...or to hug you, when you have a bad day.

 

This isn't a relationship. Your heart is already broken bc you two are apart. You miss the past, and by not breaking off the relationship, you are still holding on to something that isn't there, and will never be there again.

 

I understand why you are doing what you are doing...I'd probably be tempted to do the same thing. However, you are just holding yourself back. You deserve better for yourself, and I think you know that.

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HokeyReligions

HokeyReligions

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Do you spend time together on school breaks and holidays?

 

Have you all made any long-term plans for after graduation?

 

 

In today's world the relationships that many people dating have, are the types of relationships that used to be only for married couples. The physical intimacy is one thing, but the merging of lives and the expectations are so out-of-whack now and expectation are often not realistic. Sometimes people are too impatient and won't wait or work for what they want -- the "I want what I want right now or I don't want it at all" syndrome.

 

Why can't a long-distance relationship work? Is the physical aspect of the relationship so high that it intefers with communication? Gosh, in my day people didn't have sex until they were married! I think that is great because I don't believe that sex should be so casual. In any case, it doesn't sound like that is the problem in this case, rather it is communication.

 

It sounds like what you need to do is TELL him that you feel ignored or taken for granted and make an appointment to sit down with him (over the phone) uninterrupted and talk about your future together and what you each want and need out of the relationship.

 

If he cuts you off while you are talking, then send him a letter to read at his leisure. Before you talk make sure you know yourself what you want and need and expect out of the relationship and what your own priorities are. For every question you ask him, answer it yourself. Be honest and if you don't know - don't guess at what you want.

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Krissy

Krissy

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i think i am going to talk to him about how i feel and our relationship. i hope it will shake him up some because i really do love him but don't want to feel like i have with him lately.

 

 

if any one as any more advice on what else i should do please feel free to share.

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butterflyz

butterflyz

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letting him know you've seen a change in him and ask him if everything is okay and if not, what's wrong. let him know how it is impacting the relationship.

 

if everything is fine and he's turned into a self-absorbed person, again, let him know how you feel and how it is impacting your relationship.

 

don't call him just to "shake him up". i'm not one for ultimatums. if i say i don't want anything to do with a guy, it's because i have nothing left in my heart for them. i don't break up with guys or try to shock them into some better behavior. it usually only works for a short period of time and then they are back to their old ways and you look foolish for allowing them back.

 

but, guys never listen to me. they don't take me seriously when i tell them that i am hurt. they think they can walk all over me. so, they usually are very shocked when they realize that i'm serious when i say good bye. then they want to come back and i don't let them back.

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Krissy

Krissy

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"shake him up" was a bad choice of words on my part. but i honestly believe he is busy with college he don't even realize that our relationship is going down hill. which i know is not all his fault because he is in very hard classes but every time i tried to talk to him about it he always says he has to leave to write this paper or study for this exam. so i'm getting scared its almost going to take a shock to him to make him realize that something is wrong with the relationship. and thats the last thing i want to do to him because i don't want to hurt him.

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butterflyz

butterflyz

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it does take a shock for men to realize that they are losing someone that they took for granted.

 

if you feel that he doesn't realize what's going on, then definitely say something to him about it. he needs to be reminded that you are there and need your lovin'.

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Krissy

Krissy

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no not a better one. wish he had one because of where he is so busy all of the time. so we will have more time to talk on the phone and computer. and maybe he wouldn't be so stress from school that way too.

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Ally Boo

Ally Boo

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A clone of a boyfriend would mean a double mess. I'm sorry but I just couldn't handle some things twice...like yesterday, finding an old bag of Taco Bell that my boyfriend put in the bathroom cabinet when I asked him to put it in the trash.

 

Who needs clones? One is PLENTY! LOL

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Ally Boo

Ally Boo

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Listen to what you are saying. You are wishing your bf had a clone so you could spend time with him. That's pretty desperate. Maybe you should talk to him about spending more time with you.

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