Ashbash11 Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Hi everyone So, the latest is that my BF is coming to visit me during my spring break in a few days (YAY!) I didn't think he could make it work with his job schedule, but he did! I am very excited... However.. There is one major problem that we've had pretty much since we started long distance (5 months ago). I have been struggling to resolve it, so that I don't do something rash and stupid, like break up with him. He is a person who doesn't like to talk on the phone, first of all. He also could go a week without communicating with me. He doesn't need regular contact with me, like I need with him. That's just the way he is, and I can't change that. However, I am a person who needs regular contact, in order to feel connected and know that the relationship is still going... I feel like it starts to fizzle out when we don't talk for a week.. Plus, I MISS him and I just want to hear his voice! Is that too much to ask? The bottom line: We are different people with different needs for communication, and I don't know how to navigate this. I have told him time and time again, that I don't like when he disappears (he literally does-he works at an observatory on a mountain, so he has no cell phone service. All he has is Skype, which he is hardly EVER on..) He is also not on any chat devices- AIM, Google Chat, etc. So, there is literally NO WAY to contact him. This is what bothers me the most. When I tell him that this bothers me, he says "I am sorry, I will call more" or "don't hesitate to call me anytime you want." But then he isn't available! It's terribly frustrating and I have been in tears many times when he is unreachable. This is an issue that is continuing to upset me, and I feel like talking to him about it doesn't help. He will make an effort for a short time and then he goes back to his old pattern..... I've even tried not contacting him, and he won't contact me!! I eventually get fed up and email or call him. I start to wonder, what would happen if I just STOPPED totally? Would our relationship end? I hate to think of the answer, because it's "probably." I just feel like I am putting in more effort a lot of the time.. I understand that he's busy at work, but it really feels like an "out of sight, out of mind" situation. He rarely calls, and only emails after I email him. I start to wonder, "does he EVER think of me?" I just don't know what to do anymore. We have a very close relationship and we love each other, but I feel like he doesn't put forth enough effort and my needs aren't being met. I've told him this, and he tries, but it's just not enough.... Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyTiger Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 I really feel for you and I understand what you're going through. I've done LDR twice now - with the same person (my husband) - the first time was about a year into our relationship (before we married) and now (14yrs later). It's not easy but it can, and does, work if you both want it to. My situation is still far from ideal, and he still drives me crazy and upsets me at times, but we have a very strong bond, so I know we'll be fine. If you have a 'close relationship' you will be fine too. Like your bf, my hubby doesn't like the phone either, which makes things extra difficult and he's more independent than I am so not concerned if we don't speak every day. I need daily contact. I had trouble getting this through to him to start with - both times - but I persevered and eventually he understood. He now contacts me every day. If your bf has skype then he really has no excuse to leave you hanging - especially if he knows it upsets you. The only thing I can suggest is to talk to your bf again when you see him. Don't do it on the phone because he won't 'hear' you. Ask him (nicely) to his face. If he loves you he'll do what you ask. If he doesn't - then you can either decide to live with it, which will probably drive you crazy, or wait for him to contact you first - you'll soon know if he really wants your relationship to last. Link to post Share on other sites
Spirit of the Ocean Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I agree with Lonely Tiger, thigns like Skype can be really cool cos u can leave it running and even if u two arent talking all the time it's kinda like you're hanging out. My bf and i do that sometimes-we'll keep it on and do our own thing so we can drop in on each other on and off throughout the evening. I undertsand how you feel though, cos my bf is the same. it used to drive me insane! he doesnt think we need to talk to each other every single day but i think its important just cos its the main way u have of communicating without being together physically. if he knows how important it is to you, i'm sure he'll make more of an effort to keep in touch Link to post Share on other sites
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