doubts

[wanda_t]

hey you..

well my gf left about a month ago and tomorrow i'm flying over to see her again.

the thing is, i've had this issue for a few days, and it's not really leaving me alone.

all the time when we talk, as in skype, it's never really out of excitement but just coz we planned it (cant be spontaneous, she has this really stressful job), the whole "special" feeling is gone. and in the last week the contact has been getting less and less, meaning we there was for example NC for 2 days. in her emails she never signs off with "i love you" anymore, everytime i say so on the phone she seems reluctant to answer back. any contact we have is always started by me

i just chatted with her, and as we're seeing each other tomorrow for the first time in a month, i expected sth like "looking forward to tomorrow, love you" , but instead i got "see you, good night" and she just went offline. no smiley, nothing.

please tell me this is just my imagination, or should i be having second thoughts? i dont really know what to think anymore..doubting whether its right to see her tomorrow.

i'd appreciate your opinions..my flight is leaving early tomorrow and i'd like to read them before

[Rollercoasterr]

So I have two responses for this. These are both on SEPARATE sides of the spectrum, so yeah...you know what I mean.

 

Firstly, she may be experiencing a little "cold feet". Sometimes when you haven't seen someone that you love for a while you can get really nervous and start second guessing everything, and even pulling away for a little bit. Just like with marriages. Sometimes when it gets down to the wire, one or both of them will get "cold feet" or "jitters". My sister and B-I-L BOTH did. She was freaking out, breathing into the paper bag, the whole nine yards. He was second guessing himself for WEEKS. But in the end they are the happiest couple that I know. It was just all of the nervousness of everything. While your situation might be a little bit different since you aren't getting married, but simply planning a visit, the same still applies. TO BOTH OF YOU. Having second thoughts? Go ahead, it's normal sometimes. Especially with the way she's been acting. But I assure you, once you see her, all those warm gushy feelings will come running back to you and you'll forget that you even had them in the first place. Could be the same for her.

 

On the SECOND note, the distance away from you may have made her distance herself emotionally. I have been with my Lovie twice. The first time around the distance got to him and we broke up. He stopped telling me he loved me unless I said it first, we didn't talk as often, and the phone calls got shorter. The other day we were talking about things, and how they are better this time around and he actually brought up a memory to me that I had forgotten. I had once said "You never tell me that you love me anymore. Tell me you love me. Please.", and he didn't say anything at all. He said that he couldn't, because as much as he did love me, he didn't think that it was right considering what he was about to do. So while she very well may love you very very much, sometimes the distance just gets the better of people. Not that it's a bad thing, distance sucks. But you both have to be on the same page and willing to make it work.

 

So I, for one, think you should see her still. I hold strong to my argument that once you see each other, all the warm, fresh-cookie-out-of-the-oven feelings will come right back to you the way it was before. But if they dont, then you know that something is up.

 

 

[Jordane]

I completely agree with Rollercoaster...

 

I get nervous every time my boyfriend visits. The last time I visited him, when I saw him...I was too nervous to even hug him.

 

As for the distance, it might be all the stress. I know that I just started a job a few weeks ago and now school is starting and I am so incredibly busy that I don't have time to breath...let alone to think about being sweet but yet I cannot wait to see him.

 

Give her a break and try to calm your nerves. If things don't warm up after your visit THEN worry but for right now just be happy that you get to see her so shortly!!!!

[wanda_t]

wow..thanks guys

that must have been the best advice i've ever gotten.

i'm off now, flying to Amsterdam!!

[Rollercoasterr]

I hope you have a wonderful time!!!!

[wanda_t]

i did actually have a wonderful time...the best time ever. it just hurt so ****ing much saying goodbye again.

i came back the day before yesterday...

 

and yesterday evening she broke up with me. she said that freedom comes before everything else, and that she can't allow herself to be free when she has to commit to this relationship so much. that the days i spent with her were perfect, but the minute i left she realized that she can't have that all the time and once per month just isn't enough...so she broke up with me. she wants to stay my close friend though.

 

i'm so hurt. all of the things i do remind me of her. everything. i need her closeness so badly, but now i know that when i'll be visiting her again in october, everything will be different. no kisses anymore, nothing more than friendship. it's so hard. she said she would always love me, that she does so with all her heart, but that she's not strong enough for this and doesn't want to feel bad all the time when thinking she calls me too little.

 

****. i'm rambling here. haven't eaten or slept at all, just crying all the time. what to do? oh what to do? i can't be without her closeness..even now i just want to go there and hug her. just coz i can't stand being apart.