4 months serious relationship - then he has to move cross-country

[saturnalia]

.....and I live in South Florida

 

 

My boyfriend's mother's medical conditions have deteriorated, and, in conferencing with his family members, he has decided it would be the best decision if he moved out west so he could be close to her and the family and involved with her care.

 

I knew he was having difficulty with them being far away and the circumstances are rough, but I did not expect this to happen so quickly, especially when he was just house shopping last week... apparently things have declined with his mom's situation.

 

So he called me a told me he was moving. This just two days before he is returning from a business trip. He was clearly upset at breaking the decision to me, I said that it was abrupt and I was just taken aback because I thought things were going well. He said that he really cares and I would be the one thing keeping him here would be me, but has concerns that if he did that, he would resent himself for the decision not to move.

 

Both of us are 30ish successful professionals, though his career allows him to work anywhere (my professional license (attorney) does not transfer to CA, the bar there is difficult to pass). Plus, CA is highly overpriced for real estate and I just bought a home here in FL.

 

Many would probably say to move on and skip the difficulty of a LDR. But I feel really strongly for him, we both talk about how well we get along, he was clearly choked up and having trouble talking about this, I know he feels terri ble though probably not as much as I - he has a valid reason for what he has to do, and I am here dealing with the emotional fallout. How I care about this guy - before tonight's convo, I had been thinking of him all the time warmly, and he had told me the same sorts of things. Very serious conversations, deep emotional revelations and past difficulties had been brought out.

 

Now he is telling me how he hopes we can somehow work out the Long Distance aspect....offering to fly me out...but I seriously doubting how committed he is to this....I hate to break up with the first man who has really clicked and "gotten" me in so long.

 

Can anyone provide some thoughts or advice?

[sao2]

Before making an decisions I think you should decide and discuss what it is you two are looking for from the relationship. Decide and discuss what is important to you in the relationship.

 

Nothing is too small or too big to discuss, from how often to talk and email to where you see the relationship in the long term. If there are vast differences of opinion on these issues you two might run into problems.

 

In long distance the issue is learning to manage expectations. Try and figure out your expectations beforehand together. This will help.