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My Boyfriend is in Afghanistan for 6 months!


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Hey Guys,

I need a little help...I've never used a forum like this before but I'm really hoping to get some help perhaps from someone who maybe knows what it's like to have a bf deployed with the military for a long period of time. I have friends who are going through the same thing as me but not only have none of them ever had their bf's on a tour before, but they also have been with their bf's/fiance's for quite some time...here's where I turn to you:

His name is Doug and I met him through a friend about 7 months ago...we hung out one time and nothing really came of it until about 3 weeks before he was sent to Afghanistan (Feb.10th) for a 6 month tour(he is in the Canadian Military). My group of friends and his started hanging out and we were all pretty much inseperable. With Doug being around a lot more we started to get to know eachother pretty well and come to find that we clicked. He spent every spare second he had of his last 2 weeks here with me. The thing was that we both knew he was leaving and didn't want to start a relationship just days before he left...which is understandable, except there's the fact that we both totally fell hard for eachother. You all know what it's like when you first meet someone and your SO excited about everything. All you want to do is be around this person that makes you so happy. That's where we are... the 'can't get enough of eachother stage' and he's hundreds of thousands of miles away. He is a amazing guy! So thoughtful and makes me laugh constantly...cute :p .

I was in a 5 year relationship and engaged. (if any of you have ever been in a long relationship that wasn't bad...just didn't work out, than you know that when you become single again...you pretty much know exactly what to look for the next time around) When that ended last year I told myself that I wouldn't get involved with someone I saw no long term in. Doug is the first guy of many this past year that I actually even considered wanting to be with. He's not like a lot of guys I know and my friends love him...some of which have known him for years.

One of the hardest things I had to do was watch him get on that bus. After 2 weeks of not being apart it was so weird not having him around. We had agreed that we would discuss the 'us' situation when he got back and that if things weren't the same (ie. I met someone else) he wouldn't be upset. Well there was just no way...all I thought about was him...there is definately no room for another guy in my life right now. We ended up talking and I told him how I felt and we started going out while he was over there...it's been about a month. My problem is...eventhough I am the one home and he should 'technically' be the one worrying about what it is I'm doing... I am so insecure! We barely get to talk... maybe 10-15 minutes every 2 weeks over MSN. I have no idea where he is , what he is doing, how much danger he is in...nothing. I had a idea of what I was getting myself into but this is SO much harder than I expected. I am in no way having second thoughts and there is no way I would ever cheat on him...I'm completely happy. (other than the worry for his safety of course) but I feel like i'm starting to crack already and I have 4 months of this left to go.

He tells me he misses me and that he can't wait to see me again every time we talk...but I can't shake the idea that he may feel differently when he get's home eventhough he says he'll be 'good to go.' I like him so much, and he has told me that I am 'one of the most amazing girls' he's ever met. So I shouldn't really be worried, I know how he feels. His friends are actually concerned about HIM getting hurt and have told me this. We all agree it is a different situation for sure since really..we barely know eachother and this is a really tough situation for most relationships let alone a brand new one like ours.

I've just been so stressed out about this lately...his safetey, what he's doing, is he gonna feel the same in August? It sucks that I am already super bummed that I can't talk to him whenever I want but now all these doubts are setting in and I feel like the more time that passes the more I forget about him..is this normal?!? I can only imagine what doubts are in his mind being over there and hearing all the stories... I just need someone elses opinion I guess...or maybe the advice of some military girlfriends/wives who have been through this and how to deal with all the feelings. I would really appreciate it...and thanks in advance for even taking the time to read a strangers problem :)

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Island Girl

He is the one that should be concerned.

 

You say the more time passes the more you forget about him. -- Not good.

 

He is in a place where he is removed from romance and other women for the most part. He is around men who when they get a chance to relax are talking about sports or their loved ones.

 

He'll have every memory of you burned into his brain and has already told a million anecdotes about you, etc.

 

6 months goes by quickly - it is only one more month until you are halfway.

 

Time isn't going to be the problem. I feel for him if you don't just trust in how you felt before he left, relax, and wait.

 

There is the chance that when he gets back you have flipped yourself out so much that it changes your dynamic as a couple.

 

So just try to relax and enjoy the time you do get to talk to him. Write him letters - handwritten letters are fantastic - and tell him about yourself. Tell him anything. He'd be glad to get the letter and have something new to learn about you, the way you are, and how you think.

 

He'll be back soon enough -- the chances of something happening to him are slim - so try not to worry and realize you may be living out the stories you tell your grandchildren about how the two of you met.

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Don't get me wrong though... I'm crazy about him! I can't wait until he get's back, he's all I think about... but it's just that I'm so scared about what might happen when he gets back. I'm really insecure about our relationship I guess because we haven't been together that long and I like him so much already.

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Island Girl has given you excellent advice about writing letters. If you're not a letter-writer, now's the time to start. Handwritten letters are powerful. Write to him about your world, about your day, the things you see around you when you go out for a walk. It will create a strong bond across those miles and across those months. It will fill up his imagination with images of you and thus bring him into your life. It will also help make the transition easier for both of you when he finally returns. And as for your anxiety, letter writing will help to ease that anxiety away. If you're not sure what to write about, just start off short and sweet. You'll figure it out. What a wonderful opportunity you have to strengthen the bond between you two.

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Salam For Ever
Don't get me wrong though... I'm crazy about him! I can't wait until he get's back, he's all I think about... but it's just that I'm so scared about what might happen when he gets back. I'm really insecure about our relationship I guess because we haven't been together that long and I like him so much already.

 

 

 

:eek::rolleyes::cool:

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I suppose you guys are right, instead of spending all my time worrying I should be spending my time trying to figure out ways to make him feel better about being away. He's the one away from his family and friends, I am being pretty selfish honestly. Right now I have a package that's almost ready to be sent and I'm working on a letter for it, and I have sent him a letter already. Does anyone have any ideas for things for his parcel? I wrote a poem for him too,,, after getting replies from you guys I guess I just realize that I have to get over my insecurities if I'm ever going to help him with his...and right now his emotional and mental state is far more important than my own.

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Island Girl
I suppose you guys are right, instead of spending all my time worrying I should be spending my time trying to figure out ways to make him feel better about being away. He's the one away from his family and friends, I am being pretty selfish honestly. Right now I have a package that's almost ready to be sent and I'm working on a letter for it, and I have sent him a letter already. Does anyone have any ideas for things for his parcel? I wrote a poem for him too,,, after getting replies from you guys I guess I just realize that I have to get over my insecurities if I'm ever going to help him with his...and right now his emotional and mental state is far more important than my own.

 

Homemade cookies. -- They HAVE to be homemade. Chocolate Chip or Peanut Butter go over well.

 

magazines -- a couple news magazines and then car mags, motorcycle mags, whatever he is into. Include at least one Mad Magazine because it is a good one too.

 

Easter candy -- if he is Christian -- in fact you could make him an Easter basket and you could use one of those Glad dish toppers to keep the candy in the basket.

 

A card -- glue your picture on the inside left and your comments on the right so when he reads it he's looking at you.

 

You can also go look in the toy department at a superstore. Electronic games like Blackjack or Poker -- try to find one that can support multiple players if you can. Then all the guys will be telling him how great you are because they can pass the time in a fun way as well.

 

And anything this may have inspired...

 

 

I am so glad you got some perspective. You sound a lot better and have a clearer head now.

 

Good luck.

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Yeah.. I feel a lot better, you guys are great!

 

I have so far a bunch of candy... stuff I know he likes and some random stuff so he can share..some of his favorite mags, and ones I know that his friends will like... I got a couple of hand held video games already and another thing I thought of was a baseball and a few baseball gloves so far this package has almost $300 dollars worth the stuff in it from books and DVD's to stuff he'll probably need like toothpaste and babywipes stuff like that. I put a lot of thought into it and I hope it shows through...and of course there is some inside jokes in there too that will hopefully make him chuckle and think...'gosh I can't believe she remembered!' :D Thank you for all the suggestions!!

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Make sure you check with the authorities about what you are send - many things we don't even think twice about here will be seized in a Muslin country.

 

 

Yeah.. I feel a lot better, you guys are great!

 

I have so far a bunch of candy... stuff I know he likes and some random stuff so he can share..some of his favorite mags, and ones I know that his friends will like... I got a couple of hand held video games already and another thing I thought of was a baseball and a few baseball gloves so far this package has almost $300 dollars worth the stuff in it from books and DVD's to stuff he'll probably need like toothpaste and babywipes stuff like that. I put a lot of thought into it and I hope it shows through...and of course there is some inside jokes in there too that will hopefully make him chuckle and think...'gosh I can't believe she remembered!' :D Thank you for all the suggestions!!

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