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Am i just being sensitive?


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noxnoctisangela

I have been dating this guy for a while and before that we were friends for about a year. Right now we are doing a long distance relationship because i had to move with my parents for medical reasons. He has started teasing me with "what if" scenarios and some of them i can deal with because they are really off the wall but others make me think that he may not be joking. He would say what if he went saw his ex before coming to get me the next day at the airport and things like that. I try my best not to get upset but i also tell him i wish he wouldn't do it as well. He would then promptly tell me that he was only joking and he wouldn't do that. I did go up and visit him where he told me he loved me and wanted me to move in with him . I told him yes but i'm not able to move in with him until june because of medical reasons. When i left it took us a while to part and i eventually had to go. I called him when i got home to let him know my plane came in and he told me how sad he was on the way home. He did give me his necklace that he claims to have worn for 6 years and never took it off or gave it to anyone...but he gives it to me with a little charm that has my name on it. A week or so after i am back he starts the whole teasing again to where it almost makes me cry and i tell him...he always laughs at me and says i love you. Am i just being over sensitive or is there something more?

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If he keeps teasing you like that - about other girls, his ex, whatever - when you've asked him to stop, then he's being a bully. He sounds young and probably hasn't learned that kind of behavior isn't appropriate. Keep telling him to stop teasing you when he does it, and if he continues, get off the phone with him.

 

Be consistent and keep ending your conversations when he starts teasing, you tell him to stop, and he continues the teasing.

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noxnoctisangela

He is 24..i would hope he would grow out of it by now...he has only dated one other woman since i have known him and has told me he only had on longterm relationship that ending him heart broken...he told me that when he talked to me i gave him butterflies in his stomach and that he could see us being together for a while but that was at the beginning...even though he jokes with me he still says i love you after that...though i'm wondering if he thinks its going to get him out of trouble....i never had this problem with any of my other boyfriends before.

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If he had his heart broken in the past, then maybe he's doing this to keep you on edge, slightly off-balance and insecure...in order to protect himself. It's likely he doesn't know why he's doing it, but he's making you uncomfortable. I love you, doesn't really make up for it if he does it often after you've asked him to stop.

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noxnoctisangela

I will call him tonight to see what happens....i really like him and i just want him to be happy but not by my unhappiness...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Those "jokes" are what I call test balloons. Presenting a scenario to you under the mask of it being a "joke" is a good way for him to test your reactions to situations that may or may not have really happened. It's immature and cruel. It says a lot about his level of maturity and his sensitivity to your feelings. Not good.

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Those "jokes" are what I call test balloons. Presenting a scenario to you under the mask of it being a "joke" is a good way for him to test your reactions to situations that may or may not have really happened. It's immature and cruel. It says a lot about his level of maturity and his sensitivity to your feelings. Not good.

 

noxnoctisangela:

 

My boyfriend pulls those "test balloons" on me sometimes, but never anything about ex-girlfriends or anything like that, so I can deal with it. He did ask me a "what if..." about another girl once, I told him straight out that if he did that I'd leave him immediatly, no matter what his great excuse or how many " i love you's" i got. That shut him up quick, when I got angry instead of upset (i was upset too, but didn't really let him see it), and since then if he mentions stuff about other girls, he makes sure I know its a joke, or he explains himself before he even tells me the senario, so that I don't take it wrong. Talk to your man about it, seriously, if he laughs and just says "i love you" then my opinion is that the i love you's are a cover up, something he knows will make you happy. Sorry this sounds cruel, but men can be cruel, immature, and mean, sometimes. I truly hope it works out for you, or has worked out for you already! :)

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I think mentioning other girls like that is a red flag...Is he doing this to know you care about him maybe? Even if he has nothing to worry about, try reassuring him to see if it will shut him up with that. If it doesnt you will have to attack the problem head on in a calm manner.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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noxnoctisangela

he has stop doing the what if questions about other girls now. He still does do the what if questions on crazy stuff but i have told him that if he cheated on me i was gone...he has told me the same thing as well. He still tells me that he loves me and that he is actually scared that he loves me so much...he confessed that he didnt want to get hurt again but he was taking a chance with me.

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Sweetie2007
he has stop doing the what if questions about other girls now. He still does do the what if questions on crazy stuff but i have told him that if he cheated on me i was gone...he has told me the same thing as well. He still tells me that he loves me and that he is actually scared that he loves me so much...he confessed that he didnt want to get hurt again but he was taking a chance with me.

 

I'm glad it worked out. The what-if questions about crazy stuff can actually be fun, my BF and I do that a lot, like "what if I had 7 fingers on one hand, would you still love me just as much?" and stuff like that... usually the one being asked says something crazy in reply, a typical reply from him would be "yea, more fingers = more 'love'" :D That's just how my BF is though. Good luck, don't hurt the boy, it sounds like he really cares for you :love:;)

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noxnoctisangela
I'm glad it worked out. The what-if questions about crazy stuff can actually be fun, my BF and I do that a lot, like "what if I had 7 fingers on one hand, would you still love me just as much?" and stuff like that... usually the one being asked says something crazy in reply, a typical reply from him would be "yea, more fingers = more 'love'" :D That's just how my BF is though. Good luck, don't hurt the boy, it sounds like he really cares for you :love:;)

 

Yea, thats sounds about like him...cept he asked me if i would break up with him if he had no eyebrows...i was like "if you have no more eyebrows then you cant look angry any more..." hahaha

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