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Cheated on boyfriend of almost 4 years


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Well, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. We have a wonderful relationship and I love him with all my heart. We are in a long distance relationship. He is my first boyfriend and we have been dating ever since I was 17 ( a few months before my 18th birthday ).

 

He was my first kiss, the first person I have ever slept with. The first guy to buy me my first bouqet of flowers... he was my first of everything.

 

For the most part, we have a good relationship. We communicate with one another the best that we can and we are really open with one another. Well, I messed up a few weeks ago. I kissed one of my co-workers at work and we kind of fooled around. No, we didn't sleep with one another, there was no sex period. I felt terrible after I did it but in a sense didn't regret what happened because for the past few months I have been curious as to what it would be like to kiss another guy.

 

I've only kissed one guy my whole life and I'm almost 22 years old. As soon as I came home from work, I called my boyfriend and told him what happened. He was upset and hurt. I don't blame him one bit. I told him I was wrong and that I would never do it again. The next day, I went to visit him and we talked in person. He told me he understands that situation I'm in since I've only been in one relationship so he forgave me. He told me that I shouldn't put myself in a situation where I could get myself in trouble.

 

Our relationship is awesome but we have our moments. Things aren't the same like they use to when we first started dating, but that's expected with long term relationships. We are really comfortable with one another and we are really happy. We have fun when we go out, that is, when we do decide to go out. We only see each other on the weekend but I can't complain, we love laying around, vegging out and watching movies. :)

 

I know I love him, and I know that we are meant to be but this guy at work...I don't know, it just happened. I feel like crap about it but I don't regret it.

 

Is it wrong of me to not regret what happened? I try to live my life with no regrets. I believe that everything happens for a reason (obviously) and that we all learn from our mistakes. I love my boyfriend dearly and I know that we will get married in the future. I might have done something wrong, but I was honest about it. Does anyone understand where I am coming from? I just need reassurance I suppose.

 

My boyfriend has had his handful of relationships in his past so he knows what he wants and expects. I've been curious is all. We are all human right? *sigh* and for the guy at work... we are just friends. There are no feelings between us, he is just a friend. Yeah he is cute and yeah he is attractive, but I know that there is nothing there.

 

What to do, what to do. I just want to stop thinking about this.

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How can you not regret cheating on and hurting your boyfriend?

If you want to experience other guys, go for it - AFTER you break up with your boyfriend.

What's with you?? Grow up.

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I think it's great that you were honest with your boyfriend and immediately told him. That goes a long way in restoring trust.

 

You're still young and you don't have a lot of relationship experience. So I can understand your curiosity. However, if you really feel the need to gain more experience or to live a single non-committed life for a while, then please do the right thing and break it off with your boyfriend. Betrayal while in a relationship is one of the worst things you can do to someone.

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I agree I think it was great that you were honest and upfront with your boyfriend immediately. I think you will grow from this.

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John2776, of course I feel terrible for what I have done! I felt like crap for hurting him, absolutely! The reason why I don't regret what happened is because it eased my mind away from the curiousity and I learned from my mistake.

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You dont regret cheating on your BF?

 

Well, youre right to say hes your bf of "almost 4 years" cuz, with that mindset, you wont be making it to 4

 

and really, like someone else said: If you wanna experience other guys, do it when your single. Don't cheat on someone and then blame it on being curious.

 

Plus you work with this guy, and your bf has to know youre going to be seeing him whenever you work

 

You might be all glad this "eased" your curiosity, but one could argue if you were meant to be, you would not NEED it to be eased. It isnt your bfs fault you havent kissed other guys, and it doesnt give you the right to fool around. Its cool you told him and stuff, but if you don't regret hurting someone you love, theres a problem. Kissing another guy shouldnt make you realize you love your bf, kissing your bf should make you realize that. Personally I would of dumped you, but maybe your bfs a masochist or just isnt that into you?

 

No offense, but I just cant figure out why he'd wanna stay with someone who cheats with a co-worker, meaning they'll see them often after the incident, and to add on this is a LDR, meaning it can happen again and I would be none the wiser.

 

I dont think youre meant to be, true soulmates dont need to "test" other people

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My past longterm ex-girlfriend did more than what you did but said the exact same thing. You have no idea how much pain the words "I don't regret it", "I knew I lvoed you becaus eof it" feel. If I could only show you the loss in my soul I felt after she did what she did only to say what she did, which was pretty much everything that you said. It disgusts me. I lost a great deal of respect for that person that day, and she made no effort to gain that back.

 

She, like you was in a very similar situation. I forgave her to an extent, but I will never completely forgive her nor forget until she shows sowrrow and regret. How can you forgive a person who doesn't truly seek forgiveness? Until that time, I am not even interested in being friends with her or giving her the satisfaction of knowing the man I am capable of being. I'm sorry is not good enough. I'm sorry is not an appology, regret is.

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John2776, of course I feel terrible for what I have done! I felt like crap for hurting him, absolutely! The reason why I don't regret what happened is because it eased my mind away from the curiousity and I learned from my mistake.

 

Believing in God or not, the old story of Adam and Eve is what teaches you. They gave up their paradise for an apple, you gave up yours for something even less.

 

How would you feel if he does the same?

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People seem to think its romantic or something

 

I can imagine if these people get married, 20 years down the line to their grandchildren:

 

kid- How did you know you and grandpa were meant to be?

girl- Oh, it was a sweet moment. I fooled around with one of my co-workers, after that I knew that I wanted to be with my bf.

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You dont regret cheating on your BF?

 

Well, youre right to say hes your bf of "almost 4 years" cuz, with that mindset, you wont be making it to 4

 

and really, like someone else said: If you wanna experience other guys, do it when your single. Don't cheat on someone and then blame it on being curious.

 

Plus you work with this guy, and your bf has to know youre going to be seeing him whenever you work

 

You might be all glad this "eased" your curiosity, but one could argue if you were meant to be, you would not NEED it to be eased. It isnt your bfs fault you havent kissed other guys, and it doesnt give you the right to fool around. Its cool you told him and stuff, but if you don't regret hurting someone you love, theres a problem. Kissing another guy shouldnt make you realize you love your bf, kissing your bf should make you realize that. Personally I would of dumped you, but maybe your bfs a masochist or just isnt that into you?

 

No offense, but I just cant figure out why he'd wanna stay with someone who cheats with a co-worker, meaning they'll see them often after the incident, and to add on this is a LDR, meaning it can happen again and I would be none the wiser.

 

I dont think youre meant to be, true soulmates dont need to "test" other people

 

Hi,

 

And right on point, Spectre. That's about the best way it could have been said. It's not a good for you to continue as friends with this other guy you cheated with. If you love your BF as much as you claim to, just the thought of him being friends with someone he cheated with would make you comepletly anxious. And soon after, you'd probably have people following him to work to check out the situation.

 

I don't know; I guess I'm trying to get you to see how bad this really is. If you don't regret what you've done, learn to regret - else, end up making dumb mistakes over and over. People will only question your true interest in him just by you doing something so silly. I mean, do you really love him? If you have any doubts (& needs to kiss other people), leave him. It's bad enough that you two are in remote locations; add to that, he now have wonder what the hell you are doing with your distant freedom. Yes, he said he will give you another chance but I'll bet he's containing his newly developed trust issue. It's not as easy [as he made it seem] to get over this.

 

And lastly, b/c he was your first for just about EVERYTHING a human can experience, you have not the slightest clue what it's like to be with diff. people. Now I'm not saying this to justify your cheating b/c it was flat-out wrong; but you DID need more experience b4 jumping into something you plan to be in for a lifetime. So you now have a decision to make. If you know for a fact that he's what you want, stay and work this one out. If you are not sure, leave him and live a little.... see what's out their. Don't half-a$$ and tell him that you've decided to take a temporary break or anything along the lines. Don't give him any hope that you will return because that is just selfish.

 

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KittenMoon

Wow- angry thread here.

 

Reyna- I know how you feel. You're with someone you want to spend your life with... but you also want to know what's out there. I was with a guy, not my first kiss but my first love and everything else. I loved, still love, him more than anything, and I never ever ever cheated or wanted to cheat on him, despite having the chance. But on the other end, I could never commit to marriage because I was always nagged in my head by "what if". He ended it about 5 months ago, ironically just as I was starting to think I didn't need or want anyone else. Today... well sometimes I want him back more than anything, other times I still want to experience other people. It's torture.

 

I understand how you feel- it's not as cut and dry as some other posters in this thread have tried to make it. If this has made you really want to commit, you need to do it 110% from now on. You're blessed by having someone who understands. However, I agree you need to get the guy you kissed OUT of your life forever. And you need to show your bf how much you really love him, now and the years down the line. Never give him another reason to distrust you.

 

I wish you luck.

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See frankly, I view this whole "i wanna see whats out there" as BS.

 

I mean, yeah, I can 100% understand wanting to experience new things, but to use that as an excuse for cheating? No, not acceptable. If you truly wanna "live life" wouldnt you wanna do that with someone your in love with? People seem to equate living life and experiencing new things with hooking up with random people. There isn't some magical life experience you can gain by fooling around with other guys. If you wanna experience like you can go bungee jump, sky dive, or do a number of other things.

 

And really: it IS that cut and dry, if you wanna experience new things, break up with the current bf. Its not like at one moment in time youre overwhelmed with this need to experience new men and then must get to the nearest penis possible.

 

The point of being in love is that the person you love is all you need, and if you need to fool around with someone else to figure that out well, its not meant to be

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Is it wrong of me to not regret what happened? I try to live my life with no regrets. I believe that everything happens for a reason (obviously) and that we all learn from our mistakes. I love my boyfriend dearly and I know that we will get married in the future. I might have done something wrong, but I was honest about it.

 

That sums it up Reyna. You do acknowledge you did something wrong, you brought it forth to your boyfriend, you learnt from it. Do you absolutely HAVE TO regret it forever and ever to the point that you'll spend your life committed into a hospice to get over that exclusively repetitive "Ooohhh I was wrong, I am so filled with regret!" phrase? Heck no.:)

 

You might be all glad this "eased" your curiosity, but one could argue if you were meant to be, you would not NEED it to be eased. It isnt your bfs fault you havent kissed other guys, and it doesnt give you the right to fool around. Its cool you told him and stuff, but if you don't regret hurting someone you love, theres a problem. Kissing another guy shouldnt make you realize you love your bf, kissing your bf should make you realize that. Personally I would of dumped you, but maybe your bfs a masochist or just isnt that into you?

 

Spectre that is exactly the same line of thought -right down to the same points- that sparkled the battle in the other girl's thread. I've looked at your history, you post exclusively in this subforum, most of the time to "rip a new one" for girls having any confessions and have never posted a thread of your own with your story. How about telling us what happened to you -in another thread, of course- and thusly maybe exorcising it to the point that you need not use the same measurement for every person on earth?

 

 

I agree I think it was great that you were honest and upfront with your boyfriend immediately. I think you will grow from this.

 

That is indeed the essence of it. Bravo. Well said.

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Do you absolutely HAVE TO regret it forever and ever to the point that you'll spend your life committed into a hospice to get over that exclusively repetitive "Ooohhh I was wrong, I am so filled with regret!" phrase? Heck no.:)

 

But not regretting it at all is differnet than obsessively regretting it

 

 

Spectre that is exactly the same line of thought -right down to the same points- that sparkled the battle in the other girl's thread.

 

Its common sense. Why on earth, would a person want to legitamitely be with a person who cheated on them? Most of the time, its cuz they love the person and dont wanna let them go, I've experienced this FIRST hand, but it isnt always the best thing. 99% of the time, even if you are "forgiven" for cheating, the other person still never forgets, will still not trust u, will still resent you and throw it in your face. This just results in an even worse relationship than before.

 

I've looked at your history, you post exclusively in this subforum, most of the time to "rip a new one" for girls having any confessions and have never posted a thread of your own with your story

 

I "rip a new one" to the people who try to come BS us with these lame ass excuses for reasons why they cheated on a person they claim to love. I cant stand that, its not only insulting to me and every other poster, but to the person they are claiming to "love" Plus, I dont post about my story because I dont need to, I dont need any advice, its over and happened.

 

. How about telling us what happened to you -in another thread, of course- and thusly maybe exorcising it to the point that you need not use the same measurement for every person on earth?

 

 

i dont need another thread. I was cheated on, i heard ALL the lame ass excuses you hear on this board. I tried to make it work, I realized I was kidding myself. Now I try to prevent the same thing from happening to others.

 

you might view me as 'harsh' but, Im trying to get people to understand their behavior is not ok. too often are people actually COMMENDED for tellin the god damn truth to someone, thats just silly to me. People need to know they f*cked up. Too often do people constantly insist they love the person they have royalling f*cked over. Im sorry but it just gets rather annoying, every other post is the same, they follow the same plan, it goes :A- I cheated. B- Here are all my excuses as to why I cheated, and finally C- but i still love my bf/gf!

 

I have YET to see anyone say "You know, I thought i loved (insert name) but after seeing how I treated this person, I know that isnt the case. Can I have some advice on how to deal with this and how to not repeat the process in the future?"

 

When really, 99% of topics should have that line

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KittenMoon
See frankly, I view this whole "i wanna see whats out there" as BS.

 

I mean, yeah, I can 100% understand wanting to experience new things, but to use that as an excuse for cheating? No, not acceptable. If you truly wanna "live life" wouldnt you wanna do that with someone your in love with? People seem to equate living life and experiencing new things with hooking up with random people. There isn't some magical life experience you can gain by fooling around with other guys. If you wanna experience like you can go bungee jump, sky dive, or do a number of other things.

 

And really: it IS that cut and dry, if you wanna experience new things, break up with the current bf. Its not like at one moment in time youre overwhelmed with this need to experience new men and then must get to the nearest penis possible.

 

The point of being in love is that the person you love is all you need, and if you need to fool around with someone else to figure that out well, its not meant to be

 

 

Spectre, Was your first love, the person you wanted to spend your life with, also your first kiss, first sexual experience, etc? If not, you can't understand. SOciety glorifies not only sex, but sexual variety. It touts true love, but then tells people to get experienced before they settle down. It's easy to feel pulled in both ways, especially if you "get lucky" on that first person. I miss my ex, I wanted other experiences... but now that I have that freedom I have little to no interest. I want to be back with him. At least, that how I feel right now. Who even knows if that is how I will feel tomorrow, or in ten minutes. Who knows if I will I ever get a chance with him again anyways...

 

I think Reyna has done a good job acknowledgeing her mistake, and it WAS a mistake, and a very bad decision. However, it's also a catch-22 situation.

 

But she also seems to realize, after just a few stolen kisses, that that was not what she wanted. There are plenty of people who would pursue the whole package, maybe a few times, before begging for forgiveness. She was smart enough to realize very quickly the grass wasn't greener.

 

There isn't some magical life experience you can gain by fooling around with other guys.

 

Thats like telling a virgin sex is overrated- how would they know, having never experienced it?

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Spectre, I think you are right on the money. I find it really scary how many people defend the cheaters.

 

Reyna08, I understand your point, but it does not feel to me that you appreciate the damage you have probably caused the relationship, and the magnitude of the hurt that your bf is feeling. Sure you shouldn't beat yourself up over it for the next 20 years, but you did make a big mistake. Yes on the positive side you have learnt from it, but that is secondary. I think you need to reflect on it some more, and your bf will probably have more talks/fights with you about it. The good news is that it's still possible for your relationship to work.

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Sal Paradise
Spectre, Was your first love, the person you wanted to spend your life with, also your first kiss, first sexual experience, etc? If not, you can't understand. SOciety glorifies not only sex, but sexual variety. It touts true love, but then tells people to get experienced before they settle down. It's easy to feel pulled in both ways, especially if you "get lucky" on that first person. I miss my ex, I wanted other experiences... but now that I have that freedom I have little to no interest. I want to be back with him. At least, that how I feel right now. Who even knows if that is how I will feel tomorrow, or in ten minutes. Who knows if I will I ever get a chance with him again anyways...

 

I think Reyna has done a good job acknowledgeing her mistake, and it WAS a mistake, and a very bad decision. However, it's also a catch-22 situation.

 

But she also seems to realize, after just a few stolen kisses, that that was not what she wanted. There are plenty of people who would pursue the whole package, maybe a few times, before begging for forgiveness. She was smart enough to realize very quickly the grass wasn't greener.

 

 

 

Thats like telling a virgin sex is overrated- how would they know, having never experienced it?

 

By that logic we should forgive first time child molestors, rapist and murderer's. Hey I wanted to see what I was missing out on! :rolleyes:

 

And so what if she told him the truth. Hi honey I cheated but boy did I learn my lesson and at least I was honest enough to tell ya! Don't ya feel so much better knowing your girl will ya tell when she betrays you! :rolleyes:

 

Yes its great that she told him but let's not act like she did some noble thing. The noble thing would be not cheating. Whether she kissed or screwed the guy irrelevant. Afterall cheating is cheating. She screwed up big time and is damn lucky he forgave her (because she certainly didn't deserve to be forgiven). Curiousity and inexperience excuses nothing.

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samsungxoxo

Reyna08 if it was true that you didn't regret at all what happened then I would be wondering, why would you feel the need to post this here sounding concern about it????

 

I believe if you didn't regret it all all, then you wouldnot have ask for advice nor stating you made a mistake. Once you did acknowledge, then your statement would be false, you in fact are expressing regret about it. It's a good thing you did not went that far into full blown sex and stopped it at kissing, though it was still cheating. Another goos thing is that you did admit to would mistake and share it with the person you would hurt the most, your b/f who has decided to give you another chance.

 

I understand what it feels like to have had only one relation and the only person you shared your first kiss, it must be a surprise and at the same time, you're starting to learn what is a relation really like, what are it's components, you're moving on to the process called "intimacy". As far as exploring, like Spectre stated, don't confuse it for making out with random guys, which can ruin your reputation and you may be taken as a "slut" even if it was just kissing. You can explore other things, in a way of doing enjoyable activities you never done before, like scuba diving, aerobics, martial arts, ect.

 

Now if you feelt he need to date around, then you would have to do both you and your b/f a favor, breaking up with him.

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KittenMoon

I'd like to point out I, personally, was in no way defending cheating. I hate cheating, cheaters etc. I've lost good friends in the past, not because they cheated on me, but because they cheated at all!

 

However, Reyna came here past the point of realization, confession, and initial forgivness on her bf's end. You're right she should still reflect on what happened. Why it happened, what it meant, how it can be made up for, etc. If she and her bf can make it work again, in 20 years, what will a few kisses mean? What's done is past at this point, the future is what needs to be considered now.

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KittenMoon
By that logic we should forgive first time child molestors, rapist and murderer's. Hey I wanted to see what I was missing out on! :rolleyes:

 

OH PLEASE! Do not even compare consensual actions of adults to rape, murder and molestation. That's sick you could even link these things together!

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Spectre, Was your first love, the person you wanted to spend your life with, also your first kiss, first sexual experience, etc? If not, you can't understand. SOciety glorifies not only sex, but sexual variety. It touts true love, but then tells people to get experienced before they settle down. It's easy to feel pulled in both ways, especially if you "get lucky" on that first person. I miss my ex, I wanted other experiences... but now that I have that freedom I have little to no interest. I want to be back with him. At least, that how I feel right now. Who even knows if that is how I will feel tomorrow, or in ten minutes. Who knows if I will I ever get a chance with him again anyways...

 

I think Reyna has done a good job acknowledgeing her mistake, and it WAS a mistake, and a very bad decision. However, it's also a catch-22 situation.

 

But she also seems to realize, after just a few stolen kisses, that that was not what she wanted. There are plenty of people who would pursue the whole package, maybe a few times, before begging for forgiveness. She was smart enough to realize very quickly the grass wasn't greener.

 

 

 

Thats like telling a virgin sex is overrated- how would they know, having never experienced it?

 

So the rules to a relationship are to folow exactly what societ states, or are you expected to live your life and your relationships your way?

 

Simply because social pressures and dramatic media make life more difficult, doesn't justify taking the wrong course of actions. A weak mind, is no excuse for cruel actions. If you'd like to grow up, either grow up with the person wishing to grow up alongside with you, or grow up on your own. Don't shift blame for your choices on anything else but YOUR CHOICES. Nobody makes you do anything other than your own personal free will.

 

You don't believe men suffer from the same, I could tap that bulls***? We do. And yes, some guys are complete jackasses and actually follow through on their thoughts and feelings. Funny how we're so inclined to label the jackasses exactly that and immature behaviour such as this from a young inexperienced girl "an innocent mistake". Get real, think more and feel less.

 

The real problem in all this is society, you are completely correct. Society has completely diluted the understanding of COMMITMENT, and a society of followers is stupid enough to believe it.

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I'd like to point out I, personally, was in no way defending cheating. I hate cheating, cheaters etc. I've lost good friends in the past, not because they cheated on me, but because they cheated at all!

 

However, Reyna came here past the point of realization, confession, and initial forgivness on her bf's end. You're right she should still reflect on what happened. Why it happened, what it meant, how it can be made up for, etc. If she and her bf can make it work again, in 20 years, what will a few kisses mean? What's done is past at this point, the future is what needs to be considered now.

 

For the record, is a kiss is much more than just a simple kiss, a kiss to someone who values themself and their sexuality is the essence of passion.

 

She is at a point of neglect and denial. I've seen this point with two previous girlfriends as well as the girlfriends of two friends. I've spoken to them all, before, during, and long after. Prolonging such behaviour is only going to make her feel better, not think better.

 

You need to leave him on his own, he needs to be free to start thinking for himself instead of for you. It's unhealthy for him and for you in the future to do otherwise. It may take him a couple of days, weeks or months. If he decides to give you the opportunity to demonstrate yourself to him, and to GAIN his trust back, you are lucky and it is then that you will understand humility and be offered true forgiveness. Trust isn't a gift as we often wish it to be, it is a foundational attribute of a relationship which must constantly be maintained and repaired.

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KittenMoon

You don't believe men suffer from the same, I could tap that bulls***? We do. And yes, some guys are complete jackasses and actually follow through on their thoughts and feelings. Funny how we're so inclined to label the jackasses exactly that and immature behaviour such as this from a young inexperienced girl "an innocent mistake". Get real, think more and feel less..

 

Wait... what? When did I mention this as a gender thing in any way? I think you might be airing your own dirty laundry there, RK.

 

I'm simply trying to point out that Reyna AND her bf are PAST the critical point of trying to move on past a breech in trust. I don't think anyone here should be crucifying her for her actions if both her bf and her are, at this moment, focused on moving forward. Rather, we should be giving constructive advice on how to rebuild and maintain trust, come to terms with the past, move forward, etc. What's the point of continuing to judge her actions at this juncture?

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Wait... what? When did I mention this as a gender thing in any way? I think you might be airing your own dirty laundry there, RK.

 

You stated that he doesn't understand how she feels. Of course he doens't, he doesn't feel half as much as what you and she does. Directly or indirectly, that's what's involved in your statement; the boundaries of of the cognitive processes and how they are effected by human emotion. There are emotional needs, however the need for "experience", as you would call it, is more justifiably defined as a want. Allowing emotion to manipulate wants into needs does nothing more than justify selfishness. Love is about selflessness and sacrifice. Since she is willing to live a life without regret, why would she have regreted not being with another person?

 

I chose the male versus female because it draws a clear line on how we tend to judge people (for the record there are many males and females who will fall on both sides of the line). You can either choose to be offended or accept that we treat different people differently, and then ask the question; why?

 

 

I'm simply trying to point out that Reyna AND her bf are PAST the critical point of trying to move on past a breech in trust. I don't think anyone here should be crucifying her for her actions if both her bf and her are, at this moment, focused on moving forward. Rather, we should be giving constructive advice on how to rebuild and maintain trust, come to terms with the past, move forward, etc. What's the point of continuing to judge her actions at this juncture?

 

I'll agee and disagree. Why do you think they have addicts appologize to the people whom they have hurt directly and indirectly thoruhg their self-destructive state AFTER they recognized that they have a problem; humility. Honesty does not equate to humility, and the man requires humility to believe in her.

 

I gave my constuctive advice. She needs to leave him be on his own for however long it takes for him to fix his own problems brought to light by this. Once he's seen those issues within himself, he can then work on their partnership.

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KittenMoon
You stated that he doesn't understand how she feels. Of course he doens't, he doesn't feel half as much as what you and she does. Directly or indirectly, that's what's involved in your statement; the boundaries of of the cognitive processes and how they are effected by human emotion. There are emotional needs, however the need for "experience", as you would call it, is more justifiably defined as a want. Allowing emotion to manipulate wants into needs does nothing more than justify selfishness. Love is about selflessness and sacrifice. Since she is willing to live a life without regret, why would she have regreted not being with another person?

 

I chose the male versus female because it draws a clear line on how we tend to judge people (for the record there are many males and females who will fall on both sides of the line). You can either choose to be offended or accept that we treat different people differently, and then ask the question; why?

 

I still don't see how gender plays into this at all, aside from the simple circumstance that the OP is female, and the hurt party is male. Switch it around, I have the same feelings. But then again, I know many people put more stock into gender differences than I do.

 

Honesty does not equate to humility, and the man requires humility to believe in her.

 

Ok- THIS is constructive advice. And I agree.

 

She needs to leave him be on his own for however long it takes for him to fix his own problems brought to light by this. Once he's seen those issues within himself, he can then work on their partnership.

 

I'm not sure why you say this- if they are able to stay within the relationship and work to heal it, it should be done together, not apart. Only if there are deeper underlying issues do I think they would need to seperate, but the OP has not given us that much info.

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