maby Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 I've been married 20+ years. We are constantly trying to "fix" our problems; I'm just tired of the drama and want out. There are times I'm happy--they few and far between. We have three kids, all teenagers and they don't make life easy. I'm already mentally prepared to leave my husband; I've been planning for a separation for several years and have made financial arrangements to be able to leave when the time was right, as soon as my youngest is out of school--4 more years. ] Recently I went on vacation--we don't vacation together, I can't relax if I'm fighting with him, or he's fighting with the kids. For several years now we have taken separate vacation, we just don't like to do the same things. This year I met someone, two minutes after I met him he felt like an old friend. I only talked to him about an hour--he said great to meet you, can I have your #? I programmed it into his cell phone, he gave me a friendly hug and left. I told him I was married, in fact I told him that he reminded me of my husband when I first met him years ago, fun and carefree. He called me later and wanted to see me, I said I couldn't because my husband was coming for dinner with the kids and our granddaughter. He would be leaving in the a.m. The next day I called him and asked him to have a drink with me @ the bar--he had already left the hotel and said maybe he would call me later. Days passed and I didn't hear from him. I started obsessing about needing to see him, telling myself we would just be friends. I called him a few times and he said I freaked him out with the husband story. I told him I was sorry, I just wanted to be friends. He stopped answering the phone when I called, I ran home to my husband, feeling totally rejected. There was a time in my life that I could have my choice of the guy I wanted to go home with--that was in the 80s. I eventually deleted his # from my phone. Last weekend he called me, left a message that he missed me and please call him. Now I know that he also felt a connection that after a month neither of us has been able to forget. Although we met at a beach resort 200 miles away, we both actually live only about 20 miles apart. I know that he will be in my life, I feel it. I am worried about the pain that I know will be coming--yet I feel that I deserve a chance to be happy; I don't want to deny myself that chance. What if we were supposed to meet, what if he is actually my soul mate? Anyone been through this before? Comments and opinions appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
ashnicole Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Just be careful. My mother went through this same thing... and she has made me and my sister feel more rejected than anything on this earth because of her new husband. It's a lot harder when kids are involved, and even harder than that, when they actually UNDERSTAND what's going on. Rest assured, they are not going to be comfortable seeing you with someone else... it's going to be rough at first, you most certainly haven't picked an easy path - but good luck. Let us know how this progresses. Link to post Share on other sites
theantibarbie23 Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 I think that if you are this unhappy in your marriage, then do yourself a favor and get a divorce now instead of putting it off. Just don't go about things the wrong way and start sneaking around with this man or it's likely your children will lose a LOT of respect for you and aqquire a hatred for this other man that may never die. As far as the soulmates thing goes, I don't believe in it. Call me jaded Link to post Share on other sites
Sup Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 At least be decent enough to your husband and tell him of your interest with OM, he may want to try marriage counseling. In the VERY least Divorce hubby before you BANG this guy, it would save a lot of needless pain, sorry to be so blunt, but come on, respect your husband THAT much in letting him make a choice. You may not have the guilt later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maby Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 Thanks for the advice and reminding me that there are others involved. Last night I told my husband that I was still not happy and that we want different things from life and I don't think our marriage will survive. It has been to much stress on me over the years. I am bipolar and the manic episodes are back again. As for the other guy--haven't heard from him. I guess this really is more about myself being unhappy, meeting him just made me feel alive again. I need to pay off my bills and then decide how to proceed. . . anyone have any ideas to share? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. F Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 Hi Maby, Your situation is a difficult one. On one hand, your happiness is the most important thing- you only get one shot at life. Just as importantly- if not more importantly- your children's happiness and well being is at stake here. Planning your leaving after the youngest child is done school is a smart move...but it's no gurantee of a smooth transistion. Ultimately, you need to act in accordance with what is best for your children at this point in their lives. Not to lecture you, but you accepted the responsibility of raising children, so that responsibility needs to be honored above all else- even above your own personal wants and needs. When all of them are old enough to pursue their own happiness without parental assistance, only then should you focus on yourself. As others have said, do not sneak around. Do not do anything that has the potential to further damage your home life. It won't be worth it in the long run. As for your new friend, I find it strange that he doesn't seem to mind getting involved with you given your situation. Him being freaked out by you having a husband should be the normal reaction, however, I don't think it is something he should "get over" not should the existence of a spouse be something you and him "work around." He should steer clear of you and you should stay away from him. All of your roads are crowded at the moment. Wait until they clear before you decide which one you choose. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Lollie72 Posted June 24, 2006 Share Posted June 24, 2006 I'm newly seperated, and really think I am ready to go ahead with a divorce and up pops an awesome "Mr. Wonderful" and I think he has feelings for me too. I know this is't about rebounding, I think he and I could be long-term. I want to go completely slow, but feelings are very very strong and we've not even admitted to them yet. I thought it right to tell my spouse he's not the only guy in my heart anymore. He's pissed of-course/hurt. But the marriage was aweful, verbal abuse, crazy stuff, not violent directly-but accidents that almost hurt me at the end of living together. I kow I'd be divorcing with or without Mr. W. in the picture, I'm just trying to hold off on showing everyone I'm actually very happy and excited over Mr. W. It's so strange of an event. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maby Posted June 26, 2006 Author Share Posted June 26, 2006 Well, my saga continues. Just after I deleted NG's phone # I get a call from him. He wants to meet later for dinner/drinks. Well I wasted no time getting there. We had a couple drinks, went to have some dinner one lingering kiss and then he took me back to my car and told me to get out. I asked what was wrong and he said nothing baby this is my life. I don't get it, I know there is an attraction--I have felt it, then I just got dropped of like some whore he was done with. I didn't even get any sex. This has crushed my self esteem--I've been married so long I don't even remember how to pick-up a guy. Later- Link to post Share on other sites
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