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His girlfriend is jealous of our friendship!


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

Old 11th April 2006, 12:08 PM   #1
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Exclamation His girlfriend is jealous of our friendship!

I have this guy friend, and his girlfriend is very jealous. Part of me is saying, okay you need to get as far away from this guy friend, because he's dating a psycho, but the reality of it all is, he's a great guy and I shouldnt have to ditch him as a friend, because his girlfriend can't handle the fact that we even know each other.

So now, because we're friends, and because I call him, or text him (just as much as I do any of my other friends) she's coming down on him, and telling him to cut me off, like IM the bad guy or something. Did I mention, now this girl who I've met maybe once hates me now? She's taking things way too seriously, and blowing little things out of proportion, and not listening to reason.

I just think it's rude, and she has no right to tell him who to be friends with, whether he's attracted to them or not, because it's just not her place. We're not fooling around or anything. I do respect their relationship. So what's the problem?
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Old 11th April 2006, 12:17 PM   #2
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I see this on both sides of the fence. I do think guys can have "friends" who are girls and all, but at the same time when someone is involved in a realtionship such as b/f g/f and one has another friend of the opposite sex, then yes that can sometimes cause problems. Especailly if the friendship is still carrying on the way it was before the other got a b/f or g/f, such as texting, calling, iming emailing right often. I'm not saying he can't be friends with you, but I do think maybe some of the calls, texting etc etc needs to come to some what of a halt. I'm not saying you have to stop all communication with him, but if its going to cause a conflit in his current relationship with his g/f then yeah there needs to be some backing off on both sides. Are you willing to do that? Does he see things as you do on this situation? Or is this just how YOU feel on the matter?





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Old 11th April 2006, 12:17 PM   #3
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You're calling and texting him? How would you feel if you were dating someone who had some girl he was "friends" with calling and texting him all the time?
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Old 11th April 2006, 12:21 PM   #4
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It seems to me like you don't really have any respect for his relationship, either. From the way you write about it.
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Old 11th April 2006, 12:48 PM   #5
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I personally don't see the big deal unless you're texting him several times a day or having super long conversations that are cutting into their time or something. I think it's a good thing if a girl I'm dating has friends who are guys because it means she can relate to guys relatively well.

I've been in your friend's situation a few times now. It's ridiculous because the girl expects you to automatically ditch all your female friends the second you get a little serious. My rule is, whatever you came into the relationship with, you keep. This includes friends of the opposite sex.
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Old 11th April 2006, 12:51 PM   #6
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It has a lot to do with frequency and timing. If a girl is calling and texting at all hours of the night, drunk dialing or texting, or constantly having suggestive conversations with you, guess what, she is NOT your friend.

I have guy friends and we used to drunk text each other when we were single. When I got serious with my BF, I stopped answering theirs and told them not to do that anymore because I have a boyfriend now. They of course stopped.
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Old 11th April 2006, 12:51 PM   #7
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I have to agree with the girlfriend..

It may be hard for you to realize, but you're not the most important girl in this guy's life anymore. To him, it seems, his girlfriend comes first, and you're just going to have to accept that. If he's feeling the same way you do, it's up to him to talk to his gf about it, but you just need to back off until he does. Continuing to call or text him while the matter isn't resolved will just hurt your chances of being close friends with him again. Your best chance is to talk to the gf yourself, without this guy around, and tell her straight out that you have no interest in her guy. If she doesn't believe you, and still doesn't want you talking to him, you have to respect that as her right as your friend's girlfriend. It may not be understandable to you, but you still have to respect it.
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Old 11th April 2006, 1:50 PM   #8
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This may or may not be the case but maybe you need to give them a little more space than you would with your other friends. I am unclear as to the amount of contact you have been initiating is alot or a little and could be misconstrued as this is a subjective matter.
When any of my friends (male or female) has started a new relationship their is naturally less time spent with said friend (in other words they are spending more of their time with a new sig other and that time needs to come from somewhere). It doesn't happen intentionally just naturally as this friend will naturally be spending more time with their sig other than the rest of their platonic friends.

I do believe that you are right that she can't state who he can be friends with or not, BUT if he is attracted to somebody else that is her business. She is his girlfriend and in a relationship with him.

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Old 11th April 2006, 3:13 PM   #9
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I think you need to have more respect for him and his GF. If hes such a great guy, and he chose to be with her, then you cant put her down like that. There is obviously a reason why hes with her, and you need to respect the way she feels even if YOU think its crazy. Maybe there is reason for it that you dont konw about. Maybe you could talk to her, and show her you mean no harm. Opposite sex friendships a lot of times do have other feelings involved a lot of times even if you dont want to admit it, and maybe thats why you resent her so much. My boyfriend had a friend who called him all the time, emailed and texted him just like that, and I didnt care because I had met her and I didnt think there was anything going on. But then there were things that led me to believe that she wanted more. But its not fair for you to judge her behavior when you dont know her, just as she shouldnt judge you. Just like someone else said previously, how would you feel if this were happening to you? PUt yourself in her shoes. You need to respect your friend and his relationship. If you want to remain friends with him then you need to find a way to either talk to them, or make her feel comfortable.
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Old 11th April 2006, 3:14 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by catgirl1927
You're calling and texting him? How would you feel if you were dating someone who had some girl he was "friends" with calling and texting him all the time?
EXACTLY. Put yourself in the other persons shoes...
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Old 11th April 2006, 7:45 PM   #11
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whoa people

Hold on a minute:

1. I do not, nor have I ever drunk dialed this dude
2. I don't call him all the time, or text him for that matter, and I never cut into their personal time with her. In case you missed it, we're FRIENDS, im not obsessed with him.

I do respect their relationship, it's just pretty odd that this girl doesnt even know me yet and she's got it already in her head that she hates me.

I never was the most important person in his life, he is lol, so why would I mind that now he's got a girlfriend?
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Old 11th April 2006, 7:54 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by simplybrill
I never was the most important person in his life, he is lol, so why would I mind that now he's got a girlfriend?
Well then get used to it. You have to. If she has a problem with you, it is their choice to decide what happenes in the relationship. If he thinks it is wrong then it is their choice to sort the problem out. Leave him alone or you will be making it worse for everyone concerned.
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Old 11th April 2006, 10:00 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by simplybrill
Hold on a minute:

1. I do not, nor have I ever drunk dialed this dude
2. I don't call him all the time, or text him for that matter, and I never cut into their personal time with her. In case you missed it, we're FRIENDS, im not obsessed with him.

I do respect their relationship, it's just pretty odd that this girl doesnt even know me yet and she's got it already in her head that she hates me.

I never was the most important person in his life, he is lol, so why would I mind that now he's got a girlfriend?
I'm going to go against everyone else who's posted so far and back you up. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. She's the one with jealous insecurities. It has nothing to do with you except the fact that you're a girl. I'm sure if she met you and you happened to be totally unattractive (I know this isn't the case), she would stop caring.
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Old 11th April 2006, 10:24 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by MadDog
I'm going to go against everyone else who's posted so far and back you up. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. She's the one with jealous insecurities. It has nothing to do with you except the fact that you're a girl. I'm sure if she met you and you happened to be totally unattractive (I know this isn't the case), she would stop caring.
I do agree with u there MD, of course she hasn't done anything wrong, but her presence will only make everything worse for her friend, his girlfriend and herself. I think if she stepped back and the couple would get over this then all will be well. If she is that insecure then he will most probably leave anyway because he tires of her insecurities. The OP shouldnt haved to go through this, but why stick around and add to the fight if she doesnt care for him in THAT way?
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Old 11th April 2006, 10:33 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by darlin_coco
I do agree with u there MD, of course she hasn't done anything wrong, but her presence will only make everything worse for her friend, his girlfriend and herself. I think if she stepped back and the couple would get over this then all will be well. If she is that insecure then he will most probably leave anyway because he tires of her insecurities. The OP shouldnt haved to go through this, but why stick around and add to the fight if she doesnt care for him in THAT way?
It's about the principle. Besides, if she does step back, the jealous girlfriend is basically getting rewarded for her jealous/possessive behavior. She'll learn to give her current & future boyfriends **** to get what she wants. Positive reinforcement is a very strong psychological phenomenon.
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