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How to Deal with SO's Previous Partners


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i've been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half, and we were friends for 4 years before we started dating. we love each other very much and are aiming to be engaged soon.

 

i have been with only one sexual partner before him. that person was my first love and my first sexual partner, so the relationship carried a lot of emotion with it and i learned to think of sex as something very special and very intimate.

 

i found out rather recently that my current boyfriend had 4 partners before me, all of whom he claims are "mistakes" and who were never in relationships with him. i understand that we're young (only 21 and 22), but for some reason it rubs me the wrong way that he was able to make the same "mistake" that many times, and that he never thought of sex as something sacred enough to not waste it on women he didn't plan on having a relationship with.

 

i understand that at this age, it is nearly impossible to find someone who has never had a sexual partner, or who has only had one. it's not fair to hold my boyfriend's past relations against him, because i can tell that he loves me, and he told me during this conversation that i am the only person he feels like he's ever been with.

 

i guess this was more of a comment than a question, but i just can't really help feeling insecure? afraid? disappointed? all these emotions that come out when i think about him sharing this with those women, who didn't mean a thing to him.

 

anyone else had this experience?

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electric_sheep

There is a term for what you describe ... retroactive jealousy. It is extremely common. Google on it.

 

Peoples ideas and attitudes about sex evolve and change throughout their life. Just because he felt one way about it before does not mean he can't feel differently about it now. I encourage the two of you to embark on a beautiful and spiritual journey together. The two of you should make such sweet love together that both of you forget your previous partners entirely. Be here and now. Remember, the past does not really exist, only the present.

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Maybe what he means to say is that the previous sexual relationships he had didn't mean nothing, and he probably forgot all about them.

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