KIluvdesign Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 First, let me start by saying that my boyfriend and I have a wonderful, loving relationship and we both trust eachother implicently. However, something about him bothers me and I've talked about it to him - however I really need to vent and see if anyone else has the same problem. My boyfriend's really good friend just got married to his girlfriend of 6 years. The new wife and my boyfriend flirt constantly - in person and when they talk on the phone. They do this in front of both me and his friend (her husband). I've approached my boyfriend and asked him if he ever had feelings for her or just a crush and he said "no, she's just a fun and sweet girl. We're just having fun flirting together, it's totally innocent." I know he wouldn't ever cheat on me (especially with her) but it bothers me that they flirt so much! His friend and him are constantly "Joking" about swapping with eachother - but my boyfriend says he couldn't ever do that, because it would cause nothing but problems. However, I have a gut feeling that he's considered it before he knew I wouldn't do it, just because he wants to sleep with her. I know I'm totally over-reacting and just being jealous. But I only seem to get jealous when he flirts with HER! It's quite the connundrum, because we are always spending time with this couple because they are all such good friends. He knows that it makes me jealous so he trys to tone down the flirting, but he simply can't help it - especially when there's alcohol involved. She initiates a lot of the flirting as well - so it's not entirely all him either. It's just one of those fearful situations where there's an obvious "chemistry" between them and I just wonder, down the road, if they become one of those "I cheated with my friend's wife" stories. AY!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 What does her husband think about it? Have you ever talked to him about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Shuffty Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Tell him it's not on. It makes you feel like crap, and making your boyfriend/girlfriend jealous is cute for about five minutes before it just gets cruel. If he's never acted on it and you don't think he would, he's probably just doing it for his ego, or because he knows how you react. Yeah, it's nice to have someone be attracted to you, but playing up to it all the time and rubbing it in your face is just nasty, an it's not fair. Don't let it go on and on, because if you see this couple all the time, and you'll just look like a doormat that puts up with anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KIluvdesign Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 He doesn't mind at all - he's pretty secure and knows she would never jeapordize their relationship (of course he's extremely wealthy & she's a kept woman, so that sort of helps with his security!). It's really not that I believe they would cheat together immediately - I almost believe it's just a matter of time and some alcohol that may prompt the flirting to go too far. I know my boyfriend loves me and his friend's wife is crazy about her husband. But there's something to be said about that sexual chemistry between two people... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 but he simply can't help it Pardon my bluntness... but this is BULLSH*T Yes, he can help it - by choosing to STOP, and asking her to STOP and refusing to put himself in a situation where it can continue. If he tells you that he "can't help it" - he is pulling the wool over your eyes big time. But there's something to be said about that sexual chemistry between two people... You are right about that. Never, ever underestimate that. Intense, sustained flirting = intent. Period. I'm not saying it will happen between your man and this woman, but it is never wise to store gasoline close to a fire if you know what I mean. It would be in your and her husband's best interests to monitor, and avoid any situation in which they would find themselves alone (and worse yet, drunk). Keep your eyes open - as soon as they start flying under the radar with secret communication or 'alone time' (even if it is 'alone together' during a party or gathering you and her husband are attending) your problem will have gone from 'potential' to 'reality'. You'll have to do this carefully - if it turns to a situation where he thinks you are nagging or hassling him (even if you aren't and he only perceives it that way), the first person he will turn to will be that "understanding" 'friend' and he will shut you out as he confides in her. Be friendly about it, but be aware. They say prevention is the best medicine - and in most cases this is true. If they are determined, though - it will be like trying to prevent cancer. Sometimes cancer strikes even the most healthy of individuals. Just do what you can, without aggravating the situation - to put yourself firmly in the path of the affair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KIluvdesign Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 The thing that makes me realize that he doesn't want to do anything with her and it's just flirting is that about 2 weeks before the wedding he spent a lot of time with his friend to keep him from "straying" in his last days of bachelorhood and to help keep his head on straight because he was getting cold feet and was thinking about calling off the wedding - which they almost did. His exact words were "This will be the only wedding I can honestly say that I would be upset if it didn't happen - these two are meant to be together and have a relationship that will last forever". He's always saying that their type of love is the kind that's unbreakable and that he feels lucky that he's found that with me. Intellectually I feel very secure that he wouldn't actually do anything - but it's the irrational female side that just gets so jealous of her! I know it has more to do with other issues I deal with - such as a self-image problem. She's younger than me and for the wedding she lost a lot of weight and I've been battling an eating disorder for about 11 years (I used to be extremely overweight when I was a teenager). He's complimented her on her wieght loss and say's she looks great so I see that he's noticed. She's a very secure person and I wish I was like that (I have my moments of insecurities now and then). Overall it has to do with my personal insecurities that make me so jealous of this situation. He does make the effort not to flirt. The reason I posted something is that last night he was asking her to watch our dog for the weekend because we are going out of town and he was calling her "sweetheart" and "honey". Of course he does this with ALL females he considers friends - even the older, less attractive women he associates with. It's just his way of interacting with women. It only bothers me with HER though! Thank you guys for some input on the situation. It's always good to get a different outside perspective. Even close friends and family can be biased just to make you feel better! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 He does make the effort not to flirt. He may be 'making an effort', but until he stops 'trying' and starts 'doing' - there is no reason not to be very aware in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KIluvdesign Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 Yeah - I'll talk to him tonight about it. I don't think I should have to just put up with it. Whenever something bothers him he just comes out and says it - I shouldn't have to be so accomodating to his behavior. Thanks so much!! Link to post Share on other sites
d.s. Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 I think you should slow down a bit. Sometimes you have friends that you just seem to click with but they are only friends. His best friend is married to her! Would he really cheat on you with his best friend's wife? (Don't get me wrong but this sounds like trailer park ****!) He seems like a flirtatious person since he calls everyone "honey", "sweetheart", etc. I am an extremely flirtatious person myself, and just because you are like that doesn't mean you will go cheat! It seems like you are insecure because you think that this other women is really beautiful! Just remember that your husband really loves you! Don't go accussing him of something he didn't do! What else can I say???? HTH d.s. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KIluvdesign Posted November 4, 2005 Author Share Posted November 4, 2005 His best friend is married to her! Would he really cheat on you with his best friend's wife? It seems like you are insecure because you think that this other women is really beautiful! Just remember that your husband really loves you! Don't go accussing him of something he didn't do! What else can I say???? QUOTE] Like I pointed out in my original post - I'm pretty much just venting. I'm not accusing him of cheating - If you read the post completely you will see that, I state that I know for a FACT that he wouldn't do this. I also point out that I admit to my insecurities. I don't expect this to ruin or define our relationship... we both love eachother very much so and this is just a communication issue. I just would like the flirting to tame a bit (like the whole touchy-feely flirting). I, myself, flirt and it's harmless - but I don't find myself tickling men, putting ice-cubes down men's pants and wrapping my arm around them, because I know this would bother my boyfriend and a line has to be drawn. Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted November 5, 2005 Share Posted November 5, 2005 ... and he said "no, she's just a fun and sweet girl. We're just having fun flirting together, it's totally innocent." WTF?? He actually said that? I would b?tch slap my guy if he ever openly admitted flirting with someone else! And then he even tells you it's innocent? What the hell? Flirting is never innocent. NEVER. It would be a different story if they just seemed to get along really well, and that maybe you were just a little paranoid about it, but danggg this is a bit too much. I wouldn't tolerate it. Link to post Share on other sites
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