Can't compete with young beautiful girls!!!

[Amyjk]

I am a 47 yr.old single mom with 6 kids. I recently became engaged to a wonderful 48 yr. old man. The problem is, I am the jealous type and even though I went through counseling, have read self-help books etc., I can't seem to overcome it! When I was younger I was considered very attractive and had a great figure. People still tell me, I have a pretty face, but let's face it...after having 6 babies, my figure is shot!! It's really hard to feel good about myself sexually and have high self-esteem when I have sagging breasts, stretch marks, cellulite and am 40lbs. overweight. Especially in this era with all the younger girls running around half naked everywhere you go with their micro-mini skirts, and low cut tops. They're everywhere!!! My fiance really tries hard to make an effort not to look at them, 'cause he knows I'm the jealous type, but I still catch him trying to sneak a peek all the time. I haven't said anything to him, because I know it's basic human nature to look at people that appeal to us, but it really bothers me!! I can't compete with these beautiful scantily clad young girls, and I shouldn't have to!! I want to know what other woman do, when they catch their husbands/boyfriends looking at other woman? Or when they make comments about beautiful women? Do you just try to ignore it or put it out of your mind? I have mild obsessive compulsive disorder, so I have a tendency to dwell on it and play the scenario over and over in my mind. I've tried to tell myself to let it go, but it doesn't work. If anyone has any advice that has maybe worked for you, I would greatly appreciate it!!

 

And what's up with all these girls' who go to the strip clubs with their boyfriends nowadays? Maybe it's the era I was raised in...but I don't get it!! I really feel sorry for the older wives who's husbands go to these places!! I'm sure most woman who've had babies don't look like strippers anymore!! I think it's really sad, that men don't understand how going to strip

clubs can hurt their SO's and really bruise their egos!! Just my opinion I guess...

 

Thanks for any advice!!!

[nicki]

I am also dealing with the same kind of insecurity. I wanted to post about the same subject, so i have no advice. But I understand how it feels.

 

There is always someone younger, cuter, etc. out there. Even though I've been reassured by my boyfriend that he finds me sexy and attractive, it doesn't matter. I always feel a strange panic when there is an attractive woman around. If my boyfriend is looking, it hurts. If she is looking at him, I'm pissed off AND anxious.

 

I also get mad when my boyfriend tells me which actresses he thinks are hot. I know they are not a threat, but i feel compared to.

 

Hmmm, I KNOW better, but I can't seem to FEEL better.

 

What to do? Any practical advice from anyone?

[westernxer]

Most women can't... hell, most men can't either.

 

Just don't give up on yourself. Try to look as good as you can, without cursing your lot in life. We all have to deal with the hand we've been dealt, but that doesn't mean we can't love the person we see in the mirror each time we get out of bed, nor does it mean we can't change for the better.

[Outcast]

Cripes but this is a sick society? People have gone right mad thinking that their appearance is the only thing of value about themselves or that the only reason anybody falls in love is because of appearance. It's nuts!

[Amyjk]

Originally posted by Outcast

Cripes but this is a sick society? People have gone right mad thinking that their appearance is the only thing of value about themselves or that the only reason anybody falls in love is because of appearance. It's nuts!

 

 

I couldn't agree with you more!! It's sad that so much emphasis is placed on appearance!!

Unfortunately we live in a society where youth and beauty is considered way too important. We're bombarded with it everyday, everywhere you go!! My teenage son

just told me today, that his generations attitude is...it's all about looking good and having fun. In my opinion, this is a lazy, spoiled rotten, shallow, self-centered generation of kids we're raising!! Even high school girls are now getting boob jobs for their graduation presents. Unbelievable!! What are we teaching these kids?? And unfortunately people who are less than perfect or who are overweight are many times considered inferior to the rest of the population. That's maybe why I've developed jealous tendencies, 'cause it's just so prevalent nowadays!! It's slapped in your face everyday!! Inner beauty is not

emphasised anymore!! It's too bad!! I really try not to dwell on it too much, but

sometimes I just can't help it.

[Rosalind]

Originally posted by Outcast

Cripes but this is a sick society? People have gone right mad thinking that their appearance is the only thing of value about themselves or that the only reason anybody falls in love is because of appearance. It's nuts!

Certainly IS nuttso!!!

 

I have noticed this phenomenon is much more prevalent in Americans.

 

It's like they feel they must live up to Hollywood standards, as far as appearance.

 

And don't even get me started on how they can possibly worship ACTORS as idols.

 

Uhmmm, that's a thread for another day

 

Rosalind

[lilian]

Amvjk

 

Stop worrying and let me reassure you that there is ALWAYS someone richer, better looking, more intelligent than you.

 

I know it's an easy thing to say but please be proud of yourself!! You have six children, just got engaged (so an exciting time ahead of you) etc.!

 

It's not that I can't understand your problem! I have the same problem. I'm in my late twenties, have always been very popular with men and probably considered quite pretty. Until I met my fiancé who is very successful and good looking and has a whole stack of GORGEOUS looking women in his life (they're all his friends' wifes and girlfriends, therefore safe) but they're still around me with their perfect bodies, great clothes and great jobs.

 

Anyway, that's life. Don't let a silly little girl in a short skirt make you feel uncomfortable! You're way too tough on yourself. All those girls are competing with someone else too and the cycle really never ends!

 

I have to remind myself over and over again that I should be happy about being with such a loving and great guy, I have to tell myself that I should be looking forward to an exciting future together with babies and all the rest and I have to tell myself that I should be happy about the fact that I have found someone who will still love me when I put on a few pounds after delivering a child and won't just run off when that mini skirt doesn't fit. You have to believe the same things!

 

And you know: it works the same way for men. How unattractive would you find your fiancé if he constantly got in a bad mood because a bloke he just met made more money, drove a better car or has a better job. Do you ever worry about those "male attributes" in your fiancé? Do you ever wish he had more muscles, more hair on his head or a six pack? If you don't worry about these things chances are good that your fiancé isn't worrying about your cellulite either.

 

All the best!

[Toni_no12002]

hi i have the same problem im only 20 so it isnt just your age trust me men look whatever there age which does my head in!

 

to outcast when where saying this we know that our guys arent exactly going to fall in love but its the whole problem of them staring at these women.why do men always say theyd never go for types that dress like that etc?there quite happy to look at them.which makes us feel upset.at least im not the only one with this problem

 

hows it going now anyways amyjk?

 

to nicki i also hate it when my boyfriend tells me which people he likes on tv they all look gorgeous compared to what i look like! hows everything going?

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Rosalind

I have noticed this phenomenon is much more prevalent in Americans.

 

It's like they feel they must live up to Hollywood standards, as far as appearance.

I agree ROSALIND, an living in the US myself it is sad to see that people put their physical development and attractiveness over their mental development and intelligence. Few here care if you are smart (unless u make a lot of $$), but they really care about how you look. Americans live in a throw away socieity and when one beauty ages, another younger one will be there to take her place.

 

It is totally ludicrous. Americans shun math and science and then they bytch that they cannot find a high paying job. That is why there are so many good looking female gold-diggers here cause when they were in school all they were taught to care about were their "looks" so that's why they make $12 per hour at the hair salon now and are try ing to find a rich husband.

[elijahBailey]

Maybe that's the reason why the divorce rate in this country is so high; our society is one that emphasizes more on the physical aspects, which are fleeting.

[Neptune]

Actually, a woman of 47, six kids, not quite so good figure and is engaged to a wonderful 48 year old man should not be obesseing over nubile young bodies but thanking God for her good fortune.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Neptune

Actually, a woman of 47, six kids, not quite so good figure and is engaged to a wonderful 48 year old man should not be obesseing over nubile young bodies but thanking God for her good fortune.

exact-a-mundo NEPTUNE!

[loony]

Originally posted by Amyjk

I couldn't agree with you more!! It's sad that so much emphasis is placed on appearance!!

Unfortunately we live in a society where youth and beauty is considered way too important. We're bombarded with it everyday, everywhere you go!! My teenage son

just told me today, that his generations attitude is...it's all about looking good and having fun. In my opinion, this is a lazy, spoiled rotten, shallow, self-centered generation of kids we're raising!! Even high school girls are now getting boob jobs for their graduation presents. Unbelievable!! What are we teaching these kids?? And unfortunately people who are less than perfect or who are overweight are many times considered inferior to the rest of the population. That's maybe why I've developed jealous tendencies, 'cause it's just so prevalent nowadays!! It's slapped in your face everyday!! Inner beauty is not

emphasised anymore!! It's too bad!! I really try not to dwell on it too much, but

sometimes I just can't help it.

I always see people start talking about inner values when they can't compete anymore on the same level of attraction. They then start to move to higher moral ground and criticize people for being shallow. I wonder if you were also concerned about inner values when you were younger.

 

Originally posted by alphamale

I agree ROSALIND, an living in the US myself it is sad to see that people put their physical development and attractiveness over their mental development and intelligence. Few here care if you are smart (unless u make a lot of $$), but they really care about how you look. Americans live in a throw away socieity and when one beauty ages, another younger one will be there to take her place.

 

It is totally ludicrous. Americans shun math and science and then they bytch that they cannot find a high paying job. That is why there are so many good looking female gold-diggers here cause when they were in school all they were taught to care about were their "looks" so that's why they make $12 per hour at the hair salon now and are try ing to find a rich husband.

Are you not the one who always reduces a woman's role to being a nice decoration on a man's arm? Good-looking eye candy but not really worth anything?

[alphamale]

Originally posted by loony

Are you not the one who always reduces a woman's role to being a nice decoration on a man's arm? Good-looking eye candy but not really worth anything?

I women I have dated in real life have been mostly intelligent and attractive. Unfortuantely, this combo is sometimes hard to find in the same woman

 

So if I'm left to choose either looks or smarts then I'll go for the looks. But I prefer both.

[loony]

Originally posted by alphamale

I women I have dated in real life have been mostly intelligent and attractive. Unfortuantely, this combo is sometimes hard to find in the same woman

 

So if I'm left to choose either looks or smarts then I'll go for the looks. But I prefer both.

Well, then you can't go around and criticize that people nowadays are shallow if you would pick looks over smarts. And if I remember it right you claimed that even though the women you dated had been college educated professionals they were still not smarter than peopler with lower education due to the mere fact that they were women.

[westernxer]

I don't believe in inner beauty. Inner strength, integrity, compassion, yes. Those qualities can make a person more appealing, but it takes time to notice, and only after a person has proved their worth. In order to reach that point, you need something to spark and sustain your interest, namely superficial qualities that are pleasing to the eye.

 

Inner qualities are best expressed through actions, not words. Outer qualities, well, they speak for themselves.

 

How many times have we been deceived by someone who sold us on their virtues, only to find out they were full of shvt?

 

Bottom line: You can't sell virtue. Well, you can, but time will eventually expose you if your intentions are questionable.

 

 

[Outcast]

I always see people start talking about inner values when they can't compete anymore on the same level of attraction. They then start to move to higher moral ground and criticize people for being shallow. I wonder if you were also concerned about inner values when you were younger

 

Some people grew up understanding that people's worth is not what the front of their head looks like.

 

In order to reach that point, you need something to spark and sustain your interest, namely superficial qualities that are pleasing to the eye

 

So you would never ever strike up a conversation with someone who was simply plain or normal-looking because nobody not 'attractive' would be worth speaking to? And if you happened to make a mistake and actually speak to someone who is not strikingly attractive and found that she was charming, engaging, smart, and funny you'd still move on because you were not immediately taken by her looks?

 

Maybe people should all be struck blind.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by Outcast

So you would never ever strike up a conversation with someone who was simply plain or normal-looking because nobody not 'attractive' would be worth speaking to?

 

Not if I don't have to, but that goes for people in general, not just unattractive ones. Unattractive, in this case, is purely subjective. What doesn't work for me may work for someone else.

 

And if you happened to make a mistake and actually speak to someone who is not strikingly attractive and found that she was charming, engaging, smart, and funny you'd still move on because you were not immediately taken by her looks?

 

We're all shallow to a certain degree. Besides, I can only kiss a face (or much lower, if I get lucky), not a personality.

 

It's dog-eat-dog world, what can I say?

 

Maybe people should all be struck blind.

 

Why? Don't tell me you don't see things that are nice to look at (like a sunset, for example).

 

 

[Outcast]

Not if I don't have to, but that goes for people in general, not just unattractive ones.

 

Thanks for proving my point about Americans being overly concerned with appearance. Frankly, I'm shocked.

 

And just pray that you are never disfigured by illness or accident.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by Outcast

Thanks for proving my point about Americans being overly concerned with appearance. Frankly, I'm shocked.

 

You are really good at taking things out of context. Stop taking things so personal. Less emotion will add years to your life.

 

And just pray that you are never disfigured by illness or accident.

 

Fate, and ultimately death, awaits us all. I've already accepted this. Have you?

 

 

[Amyjk]

Originally posted by loony

I always see people start talking about inner values when they can't compete anymore on the same level of attraction. They then start to move to higher moral ground and criticize people for being shallow. I wonder if you were also concerned about inner values when you were younger.

 

 

 

Actually loony, yes I was concerned with inner values when I was younger and much prettier. I was not shallow or the conceited type at all!! Maybe it was the era I grew

up in, or maybe I can give the credit to my parents who did a great job raising me and

tried to instill the importance of having good morals and values. My first real true love in high school weighed over 300lbs., but was a wonderful guy!! Initially, I looked beyond

his exterior and fell in love with a guy that treated me like a queen!! I grew to love his

exterior, it was part of him. Many people would say to me..why would a girl that looks

like you date somebody that looks like him when you could have anybody you want?

That always pissed me off!! Even back then I thought they were shallow!

 

I now work as an esthetician (skin care) and we have girls as young as 10 or 12 yrs. old coming in for eyebrow waxing, bikini waxing, facials, manicures, highlights, makeup etc. Their rich, preppy parents are promoting this at a very young age. I talk to these young girls and even at their age, they're already becoming totally obsessed with their looks!

They're not like innocent little girls anymore...they want to dress in slutty looking clothes

and show as much skin as possible. Some even have body piercings and tatoos. Personally, I think it's really difficult raising kids in this era!! It's kinda scary too... this

is the generation that in a few years will be running our country! What can you do???

 

 

?

 

 

[loony]

Sorry for jumping to conclusions, Amyjk. I take back what I said.

 

On a sidenote: if you want to quote something you have to write: [ quote ]text[/ quote ] (without the spaces in the square brackets)

[alphamale]

Originally posted by loony

Sorry for jumping to conclusions, Amyjk. I take back what I said.

maybe you should get a pogo stick LOONY....it'll make it easier to jump

[westernxer]

Originally posted by Amyjk

I talk to these young girls and even at their age, they're already becoming totally obsessed with their looks!

They're not like innocent little girls anymore...they want to dress in slutty looking clothes and show as much skin as possible. Some even have body piercings and tatoos. Personally, I think it's really difficult raising kids in this era!! It's kinda scary too... this is the generation that in a few years will be running our country! What can you do???

 

Don't let the younger ones skew your outlook on the future of this country. Even Aristotle himself complained about the youth back in his day, and this was centuries ago. Those slutty looking girls won't get anywhere near D.C. They'll be married with children by the time they reach 25.

[Dean3922]

Women at least have avenues to help in their appearance department. They can apply make-up and they have body enhancements to improve their figure. An ugly man has no such props. If he is overweight and balding he is really looked down on in our society. Look at all the reality shows that poke fun of geeky men.

 

Yes, ideally we should love the person from the inside out and be thankful for what we have but we are a superficial society and things are not fair in this world.