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I fell hard and he cheated with his child's mother


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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  • 4 Post By d0nnivain
  • 7 Post By Guildford
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  • 1 Post By l8estnews
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Old 6th January 2018, 11:06 AM   #1
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I fell hard and he cheated with his child's mother

He fell in love and so did I. Im mid 30's, he's 43. Two of his children are by a woman who is 29 or so. She doesn't work. Is currently homeless, no education, no car, alcoholic etc. But he cheated on me with her.

My exbf has very severe trust issues. The worst I have ever seen in a person. We broke up for 2 weeks because I got tired of all the accusing and I found out that he reached out to an old flame and flirted with her because I sot beside a guy at work that likes me. Now granted, we had training for work and seats were assigned and there is no interest at all on my part. So he said he reached out to her because of this. He justified sleeping with his child's mother because I put him out (for a day) and I was talking to other guys. Again, this was months ago and we weren't in a committed relationship at that time.

He convinced me that he was sorry and it wouldn't happen again so I took him back. A month goes by and my suspicions are getting stronger and the accusations are still daily. I couldn't understand why he was so desperate to know if I was cheating. He would get jealous of my friends, everyday he would start trouble when I went to work, always going through my phone or call history. Looking through my web history to see what I was doing. He got mad at me because my passenger's seat was adjusted etc.

After going through my phone, i get his phone and three minutes later he takes it from me. I asked him was he cheating and he said no and gives me the phone back. I'm rarely in his phone btw. This particular day, I see messages to his child's mother and she says to him, "We already had this conversation in your girl's car." I was floored. I told him i was no longer dealing with this and put him out again. Her message insinuated that when he dropped the kids off they had a convo in my car. I went through my call history on my house phone and she was calling him on it. He claimed it was about the kids.

Also, he goes to his child's mother FB almost every day, he has liked some of her pics, refused to block her, etc. I'm crushed. I've been a very good woman to him and his children. On one hand, my ego is bruised. I have a stable job, nice place and car, I adore him, our sex life is consistent and passionate. And then her.. She has 3 kids and not a pot to piss in..literally. And that's who he choose to jeopardize our relationship with.

Last edited by zanesfan; 6th January 2018 at 11:11 AM..
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Old 6th January 2018, 12:01 PM   #2
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He chose her over you. Why doesn't matter. She will always be in his life as the mother of his kids. This temptation isn't going away.

He's proven he's not your guy. So unless you want some sort of polyamorous relationship you, him & her, get out.
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Old 6th January 2018, 9:33 PM   #3
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I do not understand what you see in your boyfriend. He has had two children by a woman who is now homeless, I believe he has some responsibility to provide for the mother of his children. His lack of moral character indicates that he is not a good candidate for a long term relationship. Look to see how someone treats other people before you commit to a relationship with him.
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Old 6th January 2018, 9:52 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by zanesfan View Post
My exbf has very severe trust issues.
No he doesn't.
Quote:
1. The Blame Game Psychological projection is a really strange human behavior in which a person ascribes flaws to others that they deny possessing. As a result of this twisted reverse psychology, projection also happens to be a great indicator of cheating in a relationship.
For example, if your significant other is all of the sudden accusing you of sneaking around or being untrustworthy, it is probably because they are being deceitful themselves and are paranoid that you will do the same. Make sense? https://www.huffingtonpost.com/corri...b_4676472.html
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Old 7th January 2018, 12:13 PM   #5
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When they accuse you so strongly, it's an admission of their own guilt....remember to dump them quickly when that starts.
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Old 7th January 2018, 5:23 PM   #6
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I'm sorry OP, but his ex, especially if they have a child together, will always be around as they do have to co-parent. Even if he protests, I am afraid he will continue to do this time and again...it sucks, but do yourself a favor and move on. This guy will make you pull your hair out...and 30 year old bald chicks are not in the market unless it's Sinead O'Connor.

The relationship has run it's course...time to move on.
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Old 8th January 2018, 1:15 AM   #7
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I have this theory and for some reason, I know this is usually the case. Most people who have severe trust issues either have been cheated before, or they are cheaters themselves. Being afraid of something being done to you means you yourself knows that you can do it to others.

I will say not to touch this man with a 10m pole stick.
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Old 8th January 2018, 1:23 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by l8estnews View Post
I have this theory and for some reason, I know this is usually the case. Most people who have severe trust issues either have been cheated before, or they are cheaters themselves. Being afraid of something being done to you means you yourself knows that you can do it to others.

I will say not to touch this man with a 10m pole stick.
I disagree that it means you can necessarily do it to others. some can, some can't... In this case, he can and he did.

But generally, being afraid simply means you're afraid you won't be able to handle it if it's done to you. Being cheated by someone you love is very, very painful.
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Old 8th January 2018, 5:26 AM   #9
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OP, you need much higher standards for the men you date.
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Old 8th January 2018, 3:51 PM   #10
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You deserve a lot better

You definitely need to end things with this man, no matter how painful it is. I have just done the same with my ex partner of 18 months who has kids. He cheated on me with someone online and doesn't have boundaries with his ex. I left him 6 weeks ago. It is painful of course, and I miss him even though I know the relationship wasn't a good one. Your self esteem is dropping and you are living a life of anxiety. Is that what you envisioned for yourself when you entered the relationship? He's not worth it, no person is worth feeling like that for.
Start watching Youtube videos about toxic relationships and how to love yourself more. They have been saving my ass over these last 6 weeks when I have feelings of missing him.

I hope that you find the strength to tell him you no longer want all this bull**** in your life because you are worth more than that.
Good luck!
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Old 9th January 2018, 4:48 PM   #11
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He fell in love
I'm going to say that he did not fall in love with you. And, if he did fall for someone, it wasn't with you. If you are as good of a woman as you describe, you need to let him go and find someone that won't just fall for you, but someone that will also catch you.

He's just 1 of several hundred million... Trust me, there is always someone better out there.
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Old 9th January 2018, 5:07 PM   #12
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Cheating is not about you. It's simply a revelation about the person you're with and presents you with a decision. What are you going to do about it? Do you tolerate it? Do you move on with your life?

It's not about you.

Make a decision.
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Old 13th January 2018, 10:20 PM   #13
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Thanks all. I've been working at lot lately, joined a gym, and have been writing in a journal. It's hard every single day. But i will get through this.
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Old 13th January 2018, 10:38 PM   #14
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Thanks all. I've been working at lot lately, joined a gym, and have been writing in a journal. It's hard every single day. But i will get through this.
"Your house phone" "your girls car" "put him out" .. the guy sounds homeless too
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